Volume I Part 12 (1/2)

”I see, my Lord Bishop, that charity covers a mult.i.tude of----Hem! I mean, my Lord, that I verily saw your Lords.h.i.+p giving alms to the amount of----one s.h.i.+lling just now as I arrived in the house!”

”Yes, my Lord Mount-Leinster, I deny it not: and I perceived that your Lords.h.i.+p followed on the instant so excellent an example; for, from the cogency of the case, you too were forced to pay twice the sum! Ha, ha, ha!--_two_ s.h.i.+llings into the poor's box.”

All which being _translated_, (no offence to Bishop Rocket,) signifies that the Bishop and the Earl were both late in their arrival in the House of Peers, and they had accordingly to pay the penalty for arriving in the house ”beyond a quarter of an hour after prayers had been read”--_secundum regulam_.[26]

[26] ”Every Lord that comes not within a quarter of an hour after prayers, if he be a Bishop or Baron, he, is to pay one s.h.i.+lling, and if he be any degree above, two s.h.i.+llings to the poor man's box.”--_Standing Orders of the Irish House of Lords_, p. 13.

Printed by Sleater, Dublin, 1778. The t.i.tle of the work was, ”Rules and Orders to be observed in the Upper House of Parliament of Ireland.”--The Clerk of the House was treasurer of the poor's box.--p. 39.

The clerk read aloud at the table, ”_Hodie, tertia vice lecta est billa._” This act was ”the t.i.the Agistment Bill,” ent.i.tled, ”An act to quiet and bar all claims of t.i.the agistment for dry and barren cattle.”

When an angry debate ensued, Bishop Rocket arose with much warmth, and contended ”that it was an act tending most forcibly to wrest the rights and privileges of the Church, to the great detriment of the hierarchy, and the all unalienable properties and immunities of their lawful successors; and forcibly militating against the welfare, property, and prosperity, of the Church and State, as then by the laws of the land established and in force.”

Lord Mount-Leinster arose: ”My Lords, this is a bill which I would call as one of the most pacificatory nature, and tending to repress the grievous mode in which t.i.thes are generally collected from the population of this country, who have, if they are of the Catholic persuasion, to pay two pastors; and I will moreover, my Lords, be bold to say, that no school-boy, studying his _as in presenti_, could be so stupidly credulous as to give credence to the monstrous a.s.sertion of the Right Reverend Lord, or for a moment believe that posthumous piety to his successors can or could be the predominating cause of the vote given this night by the Right Reverend Prelate.”--[_Hear, hear, hear._]

With the most violent indignation Bishop Rocket arose: ”Lord Mount-Leinster, but for these black rags,” shaking indignantly his sacerdotal robes; ”look ye, but for these black rags, I would fight you!”--[Here numerous cries were heard of ”_Order, order, order_”--”_Chair, chair, chair!_”]

Sir Patricius Placebo and Mr. Berenger were stationed at the bar of the house, and the risible muscles of the Baronet were incontinently put into play, which had been _certes_ audible, but for the noise and uproar in the house. Laughingly, he whispered Mr. Berenger, ”Room, room, my Lords and n.o.bles all; I cry make room for the incensed worthies!

DOSS MOI, TANE STIGMEN!”

He then laughed immoderately, and took snuff at a surprising rate from his King Carolus' snuff-box. ”Yes, yes, Mr. Berenger,” he added, ”ha, ha,

'Fools will talk, and fools will prate, Nor silence keep at any gait.'

For, Sir, you know,

'???te? ?? ???? a????ta?.'[27]

[27] ”All fools are mad.”

That is at least according to the doctrine of the stoics.”

The gallant, gay Mr. Berenger so politely smiled ever and anon, that it nearly amounted to a laugh. But this had been interdicted at the court where he too often had

----”listened, When the last Charles's beauties glistened In splendid robes of gaudy vice, And could with syren songs entice.”

However the question, upon being put, was resolved in the negative, by the motion that the bill should be read that day six months! The Chancellor could make no peace between the enraged combatants, who adjourned to the robing-room, when this scene of altercation took place:--

Lord Mount-Leinster, addressing Bishop Rocket, emphatically said: ”My Lord Bishop, you are now unharnessing yourself from that celestial panoply or armour in which you flourished in the House of Peers, and which, I must observe, you somewhat unseemingly, if not indecorously, called your ”black rags,”

”Tutius est igitur fictis contendere verbis, Quam pugnare manu.”

I have ever been, my Lord--mark me--a gallant swordsman; nor would I brook an affront from a king. Let not then your sacerdotal robes, or, as you were pleased in mirth to call them, your ”black rags,” let them not, I say, prove your peace-makers in this gross breach of decorum. I must observe, that, according to the spirit and strict laws of the _Duello_, or single combat, the ceremonies thereunto affixed and appertaining, connected and deducible from chivalry, are duly and implicitly laid down by the celebrated Caranza,[28] the oracle of duelling, and the no less sage and famous Master Selden, in his very learned and unimpeachable treatise upon the laws of the _Duello_; and in good sooth my very grave and reverend Lord c.o.ke has it as a _punctum_ in his Inst.i.tutes, 'that in these matters, where the person possessing a right, or sustaining a grievance, could not act, on account of professional or personal disability, or perform the service required in person, he was then to name a sufficient person for his deputy!' Now, my Lord Bishop, I must needs observe, that I think that this was truly a marvellous right praiseworthy custom, that when any grave and reverend personage, willing to give satisfaction, as you profess, finds himself impeded by his reverend skirts tripping up the laws of the _Duello_, from being, for sad ensample, a son or dignitary of the Church, and so forth, that upon such occasions their _next_ and _nearest of kin_ should take up the gauntlet: and such a proxy, my Lord Bishop, I now claim from you to enter the lists with me, as becomes your true knight and representative!”

[28] The celebrated Caranza was, in sooth, the oracle and manual of duelling in his day. He was by birth a Spaniard; his name Geronimo Caranza. His famous work was ent.i.tled, ”_Verdera Destreza de las Armas_”--”The true Dexterity or Skill in Arms.” His talents are thus eulogized in the comedy of ”_Los Locos de Valencia_,” of Lope de Vega:--

----”El gran Caranza, A quien las armas en Espana deben Quanta mayor destreza el arte alcanza.”