Volume I Part 7 (2/2)

But it is now time that we should return from this digression. Sir John Caldwell was at the levee, and his _protege_, our quondam acquaintance Doctor Dismal Drew, a newly-appointed chaplain, in a gown and ca.s.sock spick and span, who having fully acceded to the rules and stipulations of address, costume, and conduct, appeared indeed to have been moulded into quite a different personage. However his strange absence of mind and defect of judgment fully remained unaltered, as was fully exemplified on the ensuing Sunday, when he preached a sermon at the castle chapel before the Duke and his vice-regal suite. The text was chosen in bad tact, however, and still worse policy: it was selected from the xxvth chapter of Proverbs, 5th verse: ”Take away the wicked from before the king, and his throne shall be established in righteousness!” This was unquestionably an uncalled for attack upon the ministry, upon the n.o.ble viceroy, and on his patron; and his name was struck out of the list of chaplains, never to be again restored. So much for Doctor Drew! whose head seemed to be obtuse albeit--certainly, however, it was never destined to be encircled with that ornament with which Sancho crowned the head of his favourite Dapple.

Early on the succeeding day her Grace the d.u.c.h.ess of Tyrconnel, the lovely Lady Adelaide, Ladies Let.i.tia and Lucy, escorted by the polite and facetious Sir Patricius Placebo, arrived safely at Dublin Castle, and were most warmly and affectionately received by the Duke and viceroy.

The vice-regal party sat down to dinner at their usual and not irrational hour of four o'clock, which, in these our modern days of dissipation and late hours, would be considered as an hour for dinner quite gothic and _a la Bourgeois_; for in these our polished days of finished taste and refinement, late hours seem to be the very _acme_ of fas.h.i.+on; late dinners necessarily being succeeded by late suppers, and, _par consequence_, afternoon breakfasts, in consequatory succession, bringing up the rere of fas.h.i.+onable high-life to the great practice and benefit of the College of Physicians.

The conversation after dinner was lively and agreeable. The d.u.c.h.ess described their journey, and gave many traits of the good feeling and humour of the lower cla.s.ses, as witnessed in their journey from Tyrconnel Castle. When the ladies had retired, Lord Glandarah, who was of the party, speaking of the eccentric Mr. Berenger, who had been at the levee on the preceding day, turning to Sir Patricius, inquired of him if he knew that eccentric personage? and the following reply, aided by the effects of brisk Champaign, thus effervesced and flowed from his lips: ”Oh, yes, my Lord, I have before these days met with Count Berenger, as he was called; I have too heard him converse with the Windsor beauties, whose similitudes Sir Peter Lely, of pictorial fame,

----'On animated canva.s.s stole Their sleepy eye that speaks the melting soul.'

Ay, my Lord, and often have I met him at the carousals of old King Carolus, now defunct, but of blessed memory! He is _certes_ the completely finished gentleman. He was once gay, and airy, and agreeable; but now in sooth I must say that he looks as sombre and demure as a solemn gentleman of the long robe extending his silken train, and dancing down a paven![17] In the sublime art of eating he is not a professor, but an artist, only munches the sunny side of a peach or a nectarine; when he wishes to be helped to fowl or chicken, he is always sure to bespeak the liver wing; knows all the nice cuts in a haunch of venison, and he can carve you twenty nice _morceaux_ from the head of a cod-fish; he knows too how turtle should be cooked, and how duly to appreciate callipash and callipe; a gla.s.s of liqueur or genuine Coniac he knows as well as I do to be a safe, salutary, and no unpleasant condiment to his fish. In a word, his is the true art of _scavoir vivre_; and 'fore Jove or great Apollo, if this were a writing or a printing age, I should incontinently like and admire to have 'Culinary Lucubrations, or the whole divine Art of Cookery,' from the pen of the honourable and polished Mr. Berenger! But it was a sad omission of mine, my Lord, not to include among his various accomplishments, that he is an excellent judge of wines, and an excellent taster too, to boot; for he would never mistake Port wine for Tokay, Chambertin for Chateau-Margut, nor Vin de Grave for Hock! I think there is no going beyond these. Here, then, I sum up the climax of his character, 'not to know him argues one's self unknown!'--My Lord Glandarah, your Lords.h.i.+p's very good health.”

[17] The _paven_ (from _pavo_, a peac.o.c.k) is a grave, majestic dance. The method of dancing it was anciently by gentlemen dressed with a cap and sword; by those of the long robe in their gowns; by the princes in their mantles; and by ladies in gowns with long trains, the motion whereof in the dance resembled that of a _peac.o.c.k's tail_. This dance is supposed to have been invented by the Spaniards, and its figure is given, with the characters for the steps, in the _Orchesographia_ of Thoinet Arbeau.--See Note to ”_The Mad Lover_.” Beaumont and Fletcher's Works, vol. IV. p. 186.

Here the n.o.ble Duke, concluding from the foregoing symptoms that the Doctor had not omitted taking his _quantum sufficit_ of Burgundy, proposed another flask to Lord Glandarah, or some coffee with the ladies. The ladies had the preference given them; and the Duke retiring to the drawing-room, was followed by his guests.

”I have,” whispered Sir Patricius to Lord Glandarah, ”observed, in divers companies and upon several occasions, that His Grace in these matters always leaves the discussion to the _liberum arbitrium_ of his guests.”

”And,” replied the Peer, ”Gad save my soul, I laud his discreet resolution!”

The d.u.c.h.ess appointed her first drawing-room for the succeeding evening. It may not be amiss here to acquaint the reader, that at the period of which we now write, court dresses were universally worn by both s.e.xes at evening routes and b.a.l.l.s: the gentlemen appeared in full court costume, with bags, swords, and buckles; and the ladies with monstrous bell-hoops, and portentous stomachers of an ell in longitude!

and withal incased in the c.u.mbrous accoutrement of a heavy stiffened silk mantua; while their false and elevated tetes reminded one of Pelion piled up on Ossa.

The above remarks will be sufficient to account for the short notice given for the intended drawing-room. We would also observe upon the hours at which the worthy folks of these days a.s.sembled at their evening parties. At this period of time the fas.h.i.+onable hour of paying visits was not, as it is now, in the morning, or rather mid-day, when every body is abroad, but it was in the evening, when every one almost was at home; and the visiting hour commenced at so early an hour as seven o'clock. In the autumnal and winter months the saloons and drawings-rooms of the n.o.blesse and gentry in Dublin were at that hour, or at the first visitor's knock at the door, immediately brilliantly lighted up, and if both parties were perfectly disengaged, the guests remained; each room displaying richly cut gla.s.s l.u.s.tres and gla.s.s chandeliers illuminated with wax; there was a numerous display of card-tables; the servants attending in rich liveries; while lords and knights, and commoners, and stately dames, and ladies gay, came attired in their court costume. The company partook of tea, coffee, &c.; in the course of the evening lemonade, orgeat, cake, wine, negus, jellies, sweetmeats, and confections, (for the luxury of ice was then unknown,) were handed around to the company, many of whom had meantime sat down to the card-table, some playing whist, cribbage, or tredrille; some at ombre, and others at loo. And as the clock struck ten the company separated, and all retired.

Ladies of high rank usually visited in their state sedan-chairs, which were stuffed, and lined with white and pink satin, and externally decorated with different rich ornaments; large silk ta.s.sels dangled at the four angular points of the roof, and the highest top, or pinnacle, was surmounted by a gilt coronet reposing on a crimson cus.h.i.+on; three, sometimes four, footmen, according to the rank of the individual, habited in splendid liveries, and arranged in single files, preceded the sedan-chair, each bearing a lighted flambeau. And sooth to say, some of the old dowagers, when the doubtful light of the flambeau flashed upon their withered visages, incontinently reminded the spectator of the waxen figure of queen Elizabeth in the gla.s.s-case at Westminster-Abbey!

The drawing-room night arrived, and was crowded by numbers of the n.o.bility and gentry of both s.e.xes, when the old and the young were a.s.sembled together. It was indeed a splendid scene--a galaxy of beauty and magnificence; the dresses were superb; and bright and brilliant were the blaze of gems and jewels that adorned the brows, ears, and encircled the lovely necks of the young, and sparkled on those of a more matronly description. The youthful and lovely fair presenting no unfavourable specimen of the beauty of the daughters of Erin; their cheeks rivalling the rose, and blus.h.i.+ng in graceful adolescence; while their lovely bosoms, glowing in healthful bloom, reflected a pearly radiance around the diamonds which sparkled upon and adorned them.

Several ladies of the n.o.bility and gentry, amounting to many hundreds, were presented, and all of whom were most graciously received by the truly kind and agreeable d.u.c.h.ess.

The amus.e.m.e.nts of the evening commenced. Several grave minuets were danced in a most marvellous solemn pace; to these succeeded the _minuet de la Cour_, which was danced by Sir Patricius Placebo and Lady Let.i.tia Raymond, to the great entertainment of the Duke and d.u.c.h.ess, whose gravity, in sooth to say, was upon this occasion quite borne down and vanquished. Then followed cotillions, which were succeeded by contre-dances, which ended the amus.e.m.e.nts of the night. Numerous card-tables were placed, and were not unoccupied by the elder part of the a.s.semblage, many of whom went away with their purses many a _minus_ diminished, when they at solemn leisure reckoned their losses on the said night or ensuing morning. But the fun and the drollery of the evening seemed to concentrate in the ridicule attached to Sir Philip Fumbally, a civic knight and alderman, who somewhat resembled, in corporal shape and form, the paunch of Falstaff, with all the stiffness of mine ancient Pistol--aye, and the very nose of renowned Bardolph!

However we must take up the brush and finish our portrait. Sir Philip was in stature about four feet five, a perfect rotundity in corpulence, fat short hands, fat short legs; and his face--oh, ye G.o.ds, such a face was his! Forehead, he had none! his hair was red, his small ferret eyes were grey, if eyes they could be called, which were indeed to him _no windows of the soul_! but closed as if under the awful influence of Somnus! His nose was flat, and in colour ruddy red, his chubby cheeks the same; and his mouth opened and grinned with all the agreeability of a cayman or crocodile! His laugh and look were horrid, the former the diapason of a demon, and the latter the very outline of Memistopheles.

Leaning upon his unwieldy arm was seen his long-necked, long-armed, and long-legged ugly lady. The Irish, who are somewhat ”both the great, vulgar, and the small,” too much given liberally to bestow _soubriquets_, nicknamed this unparalleled pair _flesh and bone_! And Sir Patricius Placebo somewhat wittily observed, upon his word of honour, as a true knight, that Lady Fumbally always reminded him of an undertaker's horse, a Rosinante covered with a compound of velvet trappings and nodding plumage, withal to cover the skeleton which they adorned!

When the presentations commenced, Sir Philip, ”like a doating mallard,”

waddled after the unfurled train of ”his darling duckie,” (by which endearing name he familiarly styled my Lady Fumbally,) it so happened that in discharging this uxorious task he tripped up fairly, or rather foully, his lady's train, and by which losing his equipoise, the worthy knight was very nearly tripped up himself. The courtiers all t.i.ttered, and some indeed extended it to a most uncourtly loud laugh. The lady, like unto Lot's wife, would fain turn around in defiance of all courtly etiquette, and her visage seemed deeply to partic.i.p.ate in the _boulevers.e.m.e.nt_ of her velvet train. Here the amiable knight, compa.s.sionating her trodden down vanity, fairly took up the said portentous train, which was soon somewhat incontinently s.n.a.t.c.hed by a chamberlain in waiting from the grasp of the knight, and again permitted to perform its meanders on the carpet _ad libitum_. The laugh and t.i.tters were again renewed. Mr. Berenger, who was standing close to Sir Patricius Placebo, seemed to be quite roused from his usual _nonchalance_, and whispered Sir Patricius, ”this is too bad, _risu ineptu nulla res ineptior est_; (nothing is so foolish as the laugh of fools!) however, we courtiers are always too fond of a laugh, that is to say, (_crede experto_,) provided that it be never directed against ourselves! Sir Patricius, we (with his fore-finger touching the facial nerve of his nose) _have been_ at the court of good old Carolus!”

The worthy Baronet, to whom these observations were addressed, did not commit himself by one single comment, but silently nodded, and was meantime taking snuff with immoderate rapidity, and in no stinted quant.i.ties; and when these piquant remarks were made by the ornament of the old court, Sir Patricius politely and gently as possible laughed (_voce depresso_) his heh, heh, heh, and his ahem! ”Yes, yes, Mr.

Berenger, _indeed we_ have seen the world!--ahem!

DOSS MOI, TANE STIGMEN!”

Sir Philip Fumbally was the renowned and recorded alderman who at a civic feast loudly proclaimed that Marshal Turenne had taken GREAT UMBRAGE, and proposed as a right gallant toast--”Health to the mighty and glorious conqueror of GREAT UMBRAGE, the valiant Turenne!” The toast was drank with great enthusiasm; but soon each civic guest asked significantly his neighbour the geographical position of GREAT UMBRAGE; was it in France, in Flanders, Utopia, or the Lord knows where? The Gazetteer was put in requisition, and the general atlas (such as the times afforded) were called for, and were conned over. But alas!

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