Part 9 (1/2)
My mind was whirling. Why was no one ever what I thought they were? Women whom I had loved betrayed me. Men would put forward public faces of chivalry while carrying out beastly deeds in the dark of night. And now these peaceful villagers, who calmly tidied up after a slaughter that would have made the most barbaric of barbarians envious for its efficiency and totality.
What did I seek? What was thereto seek? Whatever I found, it would invariably, at some point, rebound to my detriment. I just didn't see the point of it, or the point of anything really.
”Nothing,” I said with a heavy sigh. ”I seek nothing. I'm empty.”
Chinpan Ali nodded once, and then said, ”Good. Then you are ready to learn. Come to my hut tomorrow morning. You will learn the way of total destruction through inner peace.” And with that, he turned and walked out of the hut.
I stared after him for a good long time.
”Oookay,” I said to the empty hut.
Chapter 6.
Zennihilation and the Art of Water Cycle Maintenance
When I entered Ali's hut the next morning, he was seated in the middle in a cross-legged position. His eyes were closed. He said nothing to me. With a mental shrug, I walked across the hut, eased myself onto the ground, and sat opposite him.
”Why did you do that?” he abruptly asked.
”Sit down, you mean?” I blinked. ”Well... because you were seated.”
”Do you imitate all others?” ”No.”
”Then why imitate me?”
”Because...” I cast about for an answer. ”Because you were here. It's your hut. You establish how one is to behave within it. So I... thought it was what you wanted.”
”And what did you want?”
”Truthfully?” I sighed. ”I want to know what I'm doing here. I don't understand it at all. I don't understand my life at all.”
”You think I can provide you understanding?”
”No, I think only I can provide that. I'm hoping that maybe you can tell me what I'm looking for.”
”You are looking for that,” said Chinpan Ali, ”which you are not looking for.”
I stared at him. ”Thank you,” I said tonelessly. ”That was very helpful.”
”No. It was not. Do you know why I said it?”
”No.”
”Would you like to?”
”Not especially, no.”
He nodded in approval. ”You are a natural at this.”
”At what?”
”Ahhhh,” he said, raising a finger and pointing at the sky. Then he lowered it and folded his hands into his lap.
I was about ready to give up at that point, when suddenly he said, ”What question would you most like the answer to.”
That actually had some promise to it. I leaned forward and said, ”How did you dispatch those men yesterday? Three of them against the one of you. Bigger, stronger, two swords to your one. And the way in which you did it... no matter how sharp your blade, there still has to be strength behind the thrusts. You cut through muscle, through bone, as if it were cheese. Yet you look...”
”Una.s.suming?”
”Yes.”
”Helpless?”
”That's right.” He nodded, his eyelids half shut. ”But looks can be deceiving. You appear to be a lame fool. Have you not used that to your benefit in the past?”
”Yes,” I admitted. ”I've played to that. Put people off guard. But playacting is one thing. You... you killed those men. You... how? I mean... how? You reduced them to...”
”To nothing. They are now nothing.”
I bobbed my head. ”Yes.”
”You walked here and made yourself as I was. Seated. Waiting. In order to reduce men to nothing, you must first be nothing yourself. When you have emptied yourself of all that you are, you can project that nothingness upon your opponent.”
”Well... won't that just result in both of us being dead?”
”No,” said Chinpan Ali sagely, ”because while you may be nothing, your opponent will be less than nothing. That is the essence of Zennihilation: creating the total absence of your enemy by creating a total absence of self. Do you understand?”
I nodded, then said, ”No.”
”Excellent. Stand.”
I stood.
”Hop on one foot.”
I raised my right leg and proceeded to hop on the left one. Up and down, down and up, for what seemed an hour. He simply sat there and watched. I felt like a complete fool and was only glad that no one else was around to witness this absurdity.
”Stop,” he said. ”Now switch.”
”Switch?” He nodded. ”But... I can't. My right leg... it's lame. You see it.”
”The weakness,” and he tapped his skull, ”is in your mind.”
”No,” I said patiently. ”The weakness is in my leg. It has been since birth.”
”And you would let yourself be limited by your body? Do you think I am limited by the body that you perceive?”