Volume I Part 6 (2/2)
”Poor baste! shure it's frightened he is. I wudn't hurt a fly, let alone an illigant tarrier like that. Thry a bit o' beefsteak in regard o' yer eye, sir. Ye must have hot it agin somethin' hard; it will be as black as a beetle in tin minits.”
Podgers uttered full-flavoured language. I looked at my watch and found that we could only ”do” the train. Having hailed an outside car, the breakfastless Podgers seated himself upon one side, whilst I took the other, and after a very considerable expenditure of hard labour and skilful strategy, in which we were aided by the carman and Miss Byrne, we succeeded in forcing Albatross (the pointer) into the well in the middle. I am free to confess that I sat with my back to that animal with considerable misgivings. He looked hungry and vicious, and as though a piece of human flesh would prove as agreeable to his capacious maw as any other description of food. It was his habit, too, during our journey, to elevate his head in the air, and to give utterance to a series of the most unearthly howlings, which could only be partially interrupted, not by any means stopped, by Podgers' hat being pressed closely over the mouth, whilst Podgers punched him _a tergo_ with no very light hand.
”That's the quarest dog I ever seen,” observed the driver. ”He ought to be shupayrior afther badgers. He has a dhrop in his eye like a widdy's pig, and it's as black as a Christian's afther a ruction.”
”He's a very fine dog, sir,” exclaimed Podgers, in a reproving tone.
”He looks as if he'd set a herrin',” said the cab-man jocosely.
”Mind your horse, sir!” said Podgers angrily.
The driver, who was a jovial-tempered fellow, finding that his advances towards ”the other side” were rejected, turned towards mine.
”Are you goin' huntin' wid the dog, sir?” he asked.
”We're going to shoot,” I replied, in a dignified way.
”To shoot! Thin, begorra, yez may as well get off the car an' fire away at wanst. There's an illigant haystack foreninst yez, and--but here we are”--and he jerked up at the entrance to the station.
The jerk sent Albatross flying off the car, and his chain being dexterously fastened to the back rail of the driver's seat, the luckless animal remained suspended whilst his collar was being unfastened, in order to prevent the not very remote contingency of strangulation. Finding himself at liberty, he bounded joyously away, and, resisting all wiles and blandishments on the part of his master, continued to bound, gambol, frisk, bark, and yowl in a most reckless and idiotic way. It would not be acting fairly towards Podgers were I to chronicle his language during this festive outbreak. If the dog was in a frolicsome mood, Podgers was not, and his feelings got considerably the better of him when the bell rang to announce the departure of the train within three minutes of that warning.
Finding that all hopes of securing the animal in the ordinary way were thin as air, Podgers offered a reward of half-a-crown to any of the grinning bystanders who would bring him the dog dead or alive. This stimulus to exertion sent twenty corduroyed porters and as many amateurs in full pursuit of Albatross, who ducked and dived, and twisted and twined, and eluded detention with the agility of a greased sow; and it was only when one very corpulent railway official fell upon him in a squas.h.i.+ng way, and during a masterly struggle to emerge from beneath the overwhelming weight, that he was surrounded and led in triumph, by as many of his pursuers as could obtain a handful of his hair, up to his irate and wrathful master. Each of the captors who were in possession of Albatross claimed a half-crown, refusing to give up the animal unless it was duly ransomed; and it was during a fierce and angry discussion upon this very delicate question that the last bell rang. With one despairing tug, Podgers pulled the dog inside the door of the station, which was then promptly closed, and through the intervention of a friendly guard our _bete noire_ was thrust into the carriage with us.
Having kicked the cause of our chagrin beneath one of the seats, I ventured to remark that in all probability the dog, instead of being a credit to us, was very likely to prove the reverse.
”It's only his liveliness, and be hanged to him,” said Podgers. ”He has been shut up for some time, and is as wild as a deer.”
He would not admit a diminished faith in the dog; but his tone was irresolute, and he eyed the animal in a very doubting way.
”His liveliness ought to be considerably toned down after the rough handling he received from my servant, and----”
”By the way,” Podgers went on, ”that infernal woman isn't safe to have in the house; she'll be tried for murder some day, and the coroner will be sitting upon _your_ body. Is my eye very black?”
”Not very,” I replied. It had reached a disreputable greenish hue, tinged with a tawny red.
At Ballybricken Station we found a very smart trap awaiting us, with a servant in buckskin breeches, and in top-boots polished as brightly as the panels of the trap.
”You've a dog, sir?” said the servant.
”Yes, yes,” replied Podgers, in a hurried and confused sort of way.
”In the van, sir?”
”No; he is here--under the seat. Come out, Albatross!--come out, good fellow!” And Podgers chirruped and whistled in what was meant to be a seductive and blandis.h.i.+ng manner.
Albatross stirred not.
”Hi! hi! Here, good fellow!”
<script>