Part 3 (1/2)

”Nez, Wick,” Rawe yelled, walking back into the circle. She kicked a rock in our direction to wake us from our trance. It fell in between us with a thud. ”Just because I'm not here doesn't mean you can stop.”

I kneeled again, picked up my stick, and went back to it-any excuse to spare Nez for now. She picked up her stick, too. She pretended to play it like a flute, like a snake charmer might. She seriously was beyond anything I had ever experienced.

”Nez,” Rawe yelled, her voice like a gun shot, ”if you don't start a fire in five minutes . . .”

I looked at Troyer, her note still in my pocket. She was rolling her stick and trying not to cry, but I could see the pain on her face. She wasn't fooling anyone, either. The difference was that I'm not sure if she was trying to.

I stared at my kindling pile as I worked and wondered why I wasn't crying. Was it because I never cried anymore? When I was a kid and still used to cry, my mother would put me in my room and close the door. She never reacted to it the way mothers on TV did, by hugging me or telling me everything would be okay. She just ignored it. After you're ignored for so long, you start to do other things to get noticed. Not that I want to go into that again, but if you need a refresher it's a.s.sessment Diary Entry #2.

In front of each of us, Rawe threw a canteen that hit with a clang and a freeze-dried food pack that read MOUNTAIN STEW. ”Start you fires or eat it raw, but I can tell you raw tastes like Styrofoam a.s.s.” She smiled, her teeth huge against her thin face.

I reached into my pocket while Rawe wasn't looking to read Troyer's note. It said, Nez is a b.i.t.c.h.

Maybe Nez isn't fooling anyone, either.

26 f.u.c.king Days to Go N ez shook me awake, put her hand on my mouth so I wouldn't scream. I could taste wood smoke and dirt. Her other hand went to her lips in a shush. This was it: I was about to find out what she was capable of. I guess Troyer was right: Nez was a b.i.t.c.h-a sneaky-a.s.s b.i.t.c.h who was going to come at me while I was sleeping.

I should have flattened her at the bonfire pit when I had the chance.

We'd spent the day hiking and hacking out brush from the trail-the whole day from sunrise to sunset walking in a line and carrying packs as big as sea lions on our backs. Rawe had warned us about not ”touching” any animals we came across on the trail.

”Animals?” I'd asked.

She started counting off on her fingers. ”Mole, racc.o.o.n, deer, skunk, weasel, fox, bear, rabbit, chipmunk, wood rat.” Luckily she stopped once both hands were full, even though it was obvious she could keep going.

We were surrounded by living, rabid things with teeth and claws. I wondered why she had to warn us. There was no way in h.e.l.l I was touching anything. Of course, there was always the chance Nez might if it was male.

When we got back that night, Rawe told us to ”free-write” in our a.s.sessment Diaries. I was tired of falling for her c.r.a.p, so I spent the time filling a page with: there is nothing free about being tricked to feel.

Maybe I should have been writing my will.

”Put on your uniform; we're getting out of here,” Nez whispered, letting go of my mouth.

”Out of here?” I asked, with my sleeping bag still up to my chin.

Did she mean like escaping? I was too tired to escape. My legs felt like cement, my feet like they were on fire. They definitely didn't want me to move. I rolled over.

Nez pulled my sleeping bag so I faced her. vzyl ”What gives?” I asked. Maybe she did want to fight.

”There's a boys' cabin somewhere at this camp and I'm finding it,” she hissed into the darkness.

”So find it,” I said, my voice sounding like a shrug.

”Please,” Nez begged. I could see her latch her hands together and push them at the center of her chest like she was praying. ”Come with me.”

”What do you need me for?” I asked.

”I don't want to go alone,” she whined. ”I'll owe you one,” she added, which was enough to make me consider. It would be good to have a favor on reserve. Of course, getting caught would beyond suck.

”But that square-headed guy is in there with them,” I said, sitting up.

”He sleeps, doesn't he?” she said. Her eyes shone like the surface of a lake in the moonlight.

”What about Troyer?” I asked, looking at her cot. She was still asleep, or at least pretending to be.

”What about Troyer?” Nez sneered.

”She should come, too,” I said. There was no way I was going out into the night alone with Nez. It was a sure way for one of us to get killed.

Probably her.

”Ugh.” Nez sighed. ”Fine, wake her up.”

I got out of bed and shook Troyer awake. Her face looked like a baby's-her lips pouted in confusion, her eyes wide with fear.

”It's okay, it's just me,” I said, thinking it was most definitely the first time I had ever said that. Usually if I was approaching someone in the dark, it was not okay.

She looked at me, at Nez, silently asking, What?

”Come on,” I said, beckoning her in the darkness.

Troyer sat up and watched as I put on my uniform. ”You, too,” I said, pointing at hers. It was folded in a tight brown package on the trunk in front of her cot.

”Hurry up,” Nez said. I could hear her boot tapping on the floor.

After Troyer and I got dressed, we each grabbed our flashlights and followed Nez out of the cabin. Troyer closed the door quietly behind her, our flashlights still off.

”What if Rawe wakes up?” I asked. I looked at Troyer. She nodded.

”We tell her we all had to use the ladies,” Nez said.

There was no way Rawe would believe that. It was bad enough going out to the bathroom on your own-you did not want to stand next to it waiting for someone else.

We walked down the path to the soccer field, huge cedar trees on either side of us, our flashlights three small spotlights on the ground.

”Do you know where we're going?” I asked.

”I can smell boys,” Nez said, sniffing the air, ”like meat cooking.”

”Any chance you can smell us up some smokes?” I asked. ”They smell like tobacco cooking.” Being outside at night made me crave a cigarette. Well, to be truthful, everything made me crave a cigarette.

Nez ignored me and kept walking. It was definitely the middle of the night. The air had that feeling, like even it was asleep.

”What are we going to do when we find their cabin?” I asked the back of Nez's head. We walked like we had that day when we were hiking, in a straight line, army style.

”I haven't figured that out yet,” Nez said.

”If we get caught, I'm going to punch you so hard you're going to need to make out through a straw,” I muttered, though I had to admit it felt pretty good being bad again. Other than my break time escapes with Aaron from Pudgie's Pizzeria, I hadn't been out at night doing something I wasn't supposed to do in a very long time. I felt the familiar adrenaline rush, the buzz in my ears.

We stood at the edge of the soccer field, the sky above us filled with stars, like someone flung a football stadium full of glitter into the sky.