Part 10 (1/2)
”Oh, how the Birds sing!” he murmured. ”And see! The Aurora Borealis is trying to climb over Pain's Fire-Works.”
”Cheer up!” said the Manager. ”He took a Mean Advantage of you and Hit you when you wasn't Looking.”
”Ah, yes, it all comes back to me. Did I win?”
”Not quite,” replied the Manager, who feared to tell him the whole Truth.
”You say he Hit me?” asked the Coming Champion.
”Yes.”
”With a Casting?”
”We couldn't tell. He was in such a Hurry.”
All this Time the Victor was sitting on the Station Platform with the Undertaker. He was Remarking that it seemed to be a very Purty Country thereabouts, and he'd often wished he could close in on enough of the Gilt to buy him a nice piece of Land somewhere, inasmuch as he regarded a Farmer as the most independent Man on Earth.
Next week there was a familiar Name back on the Time-Card at the Planing Mill.
MORAL: _In all the Learned Professions, Many are Called but Few are Chosen._
_THE_ FABLE _OF THE_ LAWYER _WHO_ BROUGHT IN _A_ MINORITY REPORT
At a Bazaar, the purpose of which was to Hold Up the Public for the Benefit of a Worthy Cause, there were many Schemes to induce Visitors to let go of their a.s.sets. One of the most likely Grafts perpetrated by the astute Management was a Voting Contest to Determine who was the Most Beautiful and Popular Young Lady in the City. It cost Ten Cents to cast one Vote. The Winner of the Contest was to receive a beautiful Vase, with Roses on it.
A prominent Young Lawyer, who was Eloquent, Good Looking, and a Leader in Society, had been selected to make the Presentation Speech after the Votes had been counted.
In a little while the Contest had narrowed down until it was Evident that either the Brewer's Daughter or the Contractor's Daughter was the Most Beautiful and Popular Young Lady in the City. The Brewer and his Friends pushed Ten Dollar Bills into the Ballot Box, while the Contractor, just before the Polls closed, slipped in a Check for One Hundred Dollars.
When the Votes were counted, the Management of the Bazaar was pleased to learn that the Sixty-Cent Vase had Netted over Seven Hundred Dollars. It was Announced that the Contractor's Daughter was exactly Nine Dollars and Twenty Cents more Beautiful and Popular than the Brewer's Daughter.
[Ill.u.s.tration: THE MINORITY REPORT]
Thereupon the Committee requested that the Eloquent Young Lawyer step to the Rostrum and make the Presentation Speech. There was no Response; the Young Lawyer had Disappeared.
One of the Members of the Committee started on a Search for him, and found him in a dusky Corner of the j.a.panese Tea Garden, under the Paper Lanterns, making a Proposal of Marriage to a Poor Girl who had not received one Vote.
MORAL: _Never believe a Relative._
_THE_ FABLE _OF THE TWO_ MANDOLIN PLAYERS _AND THE_ WILLING PERFORMER
A very attractive Debutante knew two Young Men who called on her every Thursday Evening, and brought their Mandolins along.
They were Conventional Young Men, of the Kind that you see wearing Spring Overcoats in the Clothing Advertis.e.m.e.nts. One was named Fred, and the other was Eustace.
The Mothers of the Neighborhood often remarked, ”What Perfect Manners Fred and Eustace have!” Merely as an aside it may be added that Fred and Eustace were more Popular with the Mothers than they were with the Younger Set, although no one could say a Word against either of them.