Part 4 (1/2)
Natalie rolled her eyes and turned tobetter to do”
It was hopeless to protest Although I hadn't known Vickie and Natalie for very long, I had already learned that I had no control over anything that happened when I was around them Once, at the doctor's office, they opened theand threw sardines down at people on the street They would have thrown the coffeemaker out thetoo, if Hope hadn't stopped them just in time
Gene Rayburn placed his hand on the contestant's shoulder in a consoling fashi+on and I got up off the sofa and followed Vickie and Natalie into the hallway
Vickie turned on the light It was a bare bulb, attached to a gilt bronze fixture bolted to the wall The walls in the hallere covered with brown burlap I found the burlap a fascinating and original wall treat and dusty
”Whoa, look at this ed the box out froently as if to check for signs of life
I leaned forward and peered into the box It rese out of it And two large dials ”It's weird,” I said, intrigued
”Helpover
Natalie and I both leaned over and took the other end Although Natalie could easily have done it herself, I felt I had to help her, to be useful We carried it back into the TV room and set it on the floor in front of the couch
”Nohat?” Natalie said
I absently brushed at the front of otta set it up So Augusten, you're the patient and Natalie, you're the nurse”
”I' nurse,” Natalie snapped
”Well you sure-as-shi+t are not not gonna be the doctor” gonna be the doctor”
”I'll be the patient He'll He'll be the nurse,” Natalie said be the nurse,” Natalie said
I felt my face flush, both horrified and certain that I would be the nurse ”I'll be the nurse,” I said, just wanting to get on with it ”I don't care Let's just start”
”Nursy,” Natalie teased
”Should I take this off?” I said,a doctor's house
Vickie scowled ”That thing is so queer You should just chuck it”
”Why are you always so dressed up anyway?” Natalie said
”I don't know,” I said I was instantlyit carelessly onto the wing chair
Natalie dove onto the sofa, sto off the couch and the back of her hand touched the floor ”What's wrong withup the machine
I picked up the other end and we hoisted it out of the box
”What's wrong with me?” Natalie, cried louder
We set the machine on the floor and Vickie kicked the box out of the way It knocked against the TV ”You're psychotic,” she said
Natalie grinned ”Okay, I can be psychotic I'm a paranoid schizophrenic” She fluttered her eyelashes ”Just like Dottie Sch Did you know she's so filthy that Agnes has to peel her bra off for her?”
Natalie gasped ”Where did you hear that?”
”It's true, Agnes told nes has to scrub under her tits with a sponge to get rid of all the scuhed
”Who is she?” I said again
”She's one of Dad's crazy patients,” Natalie said ”You'll ht Why? Why?
This is when Poo Bear ran into the roo Poo was about six years old, the son of Vickie and Natalie's older sister Anne His sed with purple jam
”Hey, Poo,” Vickie cooed at her little nephew
”Poo Bear,” Natalie said, sitting up ”What's a doin', pooin'?”
He paused in front of the TV and slapped his arainst his side ”I'm a can opener,” he said
I could smell his feet from across the room
”You're a can opener?” Natalie said tenderly ”That is soooooo cute”
”What's that?” he said, pointing to the machine
Vickie said,”That's Dad's old shock therapyaround with it Wanna play?”
He srabbed his little penis with his hand ”I dunno”
”C'et hurt, I promise,” Natalie said
”Yeah, you watch us first, then you can play Okay? Just watch,” Vickie said
Natalie lay back on the sofa and closed her eyes ”Ready,” she said
Vickie then kneeled in front of the sofa Gently, she picked up a wire and arranged it around Natalie's head She placed the end of the wire against Natalie's ear She tucked another wire under Natalie's neck Then she pretended to plug thethe cord under the sofa Next she placed her hand on the dial ”Nurse,” she called placed her hand on the dial ”Nurse,” she called