Part 39 (1/2)

”I'm doing an article on what to wear for all the Christmas parties coming up. A few dresses arrived today. In fact,” he looked her up and down and Holly sucked in her belly, ”there's one that would look fab on you, come in and try it on.”

”Oh goody,” Holly giggled. ”I'll just have a look, though, John Paul, because to be honest, I have no need for a party dress this year.”

Overhearing the exchange, Chris shook his head and yelled from his office, ”Does anybody in this b.l.o.o.d.y office ever do any work?”

”Yes!” Tracey yelled back. ”Now shut up and don't be distracting us.” Everyone in the office laughed and Holly could swear she saw Chris smile before he slammed his office door shut for dramatic effect.

After searching through John Paul's collection, Holly went back to work and eventually called Denise back.

”h.e.l.lo? Disgusting, stuffy and ridiculously expensive clothes shop. p.i.s.sed off manager speaking, how can I help you?”

”Denise!” Holly gasped. ”You can't answer the phone like that!”

Denise giggled, ”Oh don't worry, I have caller ID so I knew it was you.”

”Hmmm.” Holly was suspicious; she didn't think Denise had caller ID on her work phone. ”I got a message you called earlier.”

”Oh yeah, I was just ringing you to confirm you were going to the ball; Tom is going to buy a table this year.”

”What ball?”

”The Christmas ball we go to every year, you dope.”

”Oh yeah, the Christmas ball they always hold in the middle of November?” Holly laughed. ”Sorry, but I can't make it this year.”

”But you don't even know what date it's on yet!” Denise protested.

”Well, I a.s.sume it's being held on the same date as every other year, which means I can't make it.”

”No, no, it's on the thirtieth of November this year, so you can make it!” Denise said excitedly.

”Oh, the thirtieth...” Holly paused and pretended to flick through some pages on her desk very loudly. ”No Denise, I can't, sorry. I'm busy on the thirtieth. I have a deadline...,” she lied. Well, she did have a deadline, but the magazine would be out in the shops on the first of December, which meant she really didn't need to be in work on the thirtieth at all.

”But we don't have to be there till at least eight o'clock,” Denise tried to convince her. ”You could even come at nine if it was easier, you would just miss the drinks reception first. It's on a Friday night, Holly, they can't expect you to work late on a Friday...”

”Look Denise, I'm sorry,” Holly said firmly. ”I'm just far too busy.”

”Well that makes a change,” she muttered under her breath.

”What did you say?” Holly asked, getting slightly angry.

”Nothing,” Denise said shortly.

”I heard you; you said that makes a change, didn't you? Well, it just so happens that I take my work seriously, Denise, and I have no plans to lose my job over a stupid ball.”

”Fine then,” Denise huffed. ”Don't go.”

”I won't!”

”Fine!”

”Good, well I'm glad that's fine with you, Denise.” Holly couldn't help but smile at the ridiculousness of the conversation.

”I'm glad you're glad,” Denise huffed.

”Oh, don't be so childish, Denise.” Holly rolled her eyes. ”I have to work, simple as that.”

”Well, that's no surprise, that's all you ever do these days,” Denise blurted out angrily. ”You never come out anymore; every time I ask you out you're busy doing something apparently much more important, like work. At my hen weekend you looked like you were having the worst time of your life, and then you didn't even bother coming out the second night. In fact, I don't know why you bothered to come at all. If you have a problem with me, Holly, I wish you would just say it to my face instead of being such a miserable bore!”

Holly sat in shock and stared at the phone. She couldn't believe Denise had said those things. She couldn't believe Denise could be so stupid and selfish to think that this whole thing was about her and not Holly's own private worries. No wonder she felt like she was going insane, when one of her best friends couldn't even understand her.

”That is the most selfish thing I have ever heard anyone say.” Holly tried to control her voice but she knew her anger was spilling out into her words.

”I'm selfish?” Denise squealed. ”You're the one who hid in the hotel room on my hen's weekend! My hen's weekend! You're supposed to be my maid of honor!”

”I was in the room with Sharon, you know that!” Holly defended herself.

”Oh bulls.h.i.+t! Sharon would have been fine on her own. She's pregnant, not b.l.o.o.d.y dying. You don't need to be by her side twenty-four-seven!”

Denise went quiet as she realized what she had said.

Holly's blood boiled, and as she spoke her voice shook with rage, ”And you wonder why I don't go out with you. Because of stupid, insensitive remarks like that. Did you ever think for one moment that it might be hard for me? The fact that all you talk about are your b.l.o.o.d.y wedding arrangements and how happy you are and how excited you are and how you can't wait to spend the rest of your life with Tom in wedded bliss. In case you hadn't noticed, Denise, I didn't get that chance because my husband died. But I am very happy for you, really I am. I'm delighted you're happy and I'm not asking for any special treatment at all, I'm just asking for a bit of patience and for you to understand that I will not get over this in a few months! As for the ball, I have no intention of going to a place that Gerry and I had been going to together for the past ten years. You might not understand this, Denise, but funnily enough I would find it a bit difficult, to say the least. So don't book a ticket for me, I am perfectly happy staying at home,” she yelled and slammed the phone down. She burst into tears and lay her head down on the desk as she sobbed. She felt lost. Her best friend couldn't even understand her. Maybe she was going mad. Maybe she should be over Gerry already. Maybe that's what normal people did when their loved ones died. Not for the first time she thought she should have bought the rule book for widows to see what the recommended time for grieving was so she wouldn't have to keep on inconveniencing her family and friends.

Her weeping eventually died down into little sobs and she listened to the silence around her. She realized that everyone must have heard everything she'd said and she felt so embarra.s.sed she was afraid to go to the bathroom for a tissue. Her head was hot and her eyes felt swollen from all her tears. She wiped her teary face on the end of her s.h.i.+rt.

”s.h.i.+t!” she swore, swiping some papers off her desk as she realized she had smudged foundation, mascara and lipstick all along the sleeve of her 'spensive white s.h.i.+rt. She sat up to attention as she heard a light rapping sound on her door.

”Come in,” her voice shook.

Chris entered her office with two cups of tea in his hands.

”Tea?” he offered, raising his eyebrows at her, and she smiled weakly, remembering the joke they had shared on the day of her interview. He placed the mug down in front of her and relaxed in the chair opposite.

”Having a bad day?” he asked as gently as his gruff voice could.

She nodded as tears rolled down her face. ”I'm sorry, Chris.” She waved a hand as she tried to compose herself. ”It won't affect my work,” she said shakily.

He waved his hand dismissively. ”Holly, I'm not worried about that, you're a great worker.”

She smiled, grateful for the compliment. At least she was doing something right.

”Would you like to go home early?”

”No thanks, work will keep my mind off things.”

He shook his head sadly. ”That's not the way to go about it, Holly. I should know that, of all people. I've buried myself inside these walls and it doesn't help things. Not in the long run anyway.”