Part 3 (1/2)
”I'm not,” she confirmed, ”but neither are you, in any real way.”
”That's not what they believe, or exactly correct. I'm part of the race they want to stamp out. According to them, it's a race of criminals and half-breeds.”
”Will I ever see you again?” she asked sadly, and he looked at her for a long moment before he answered.
”Probably not,” he said quietly. ”I don't see how. You'll have a nice visit with your sister and her baby, when it's born. And you'll go back to Germany, to the life you know, that your husband gave you. And I'll be here, in the circus. Not *at' the circus, in it, just like the clowns.”
”Don't say that,” she scolded him with a catch in her voice. She felt so sorry for him.
”Why not? It's true. And I'd better get used to it quickly. That's not a life you want, Monique.” She didn't deny it because what he said was correct. ”We can write to each other. But for now, that's the best I can do.” She realized now that the reason he had held back till then, even from kissing her to any great extent, was because of everything he had just explained, not because of her. He had been so distant with her at first, except on the dance floor, and now she knew why. He had been nothing but a gentleman with her, out of respect and kindness. He didn't want to pull her into his mess, or the life he was about to lead. He didn't even want her to see it, and he knew she never would. She would go back to Germany in a month and lead the life she had, since marrying her husband. A life that Nick would never live again. He had been born into it, and she hadn't. But she had been allowed to stay and he was a refugee now. The irony and unfairness of that did not elude either of them.
Nick liked Monique, and the fact that she was straightforward with him. And she liked him for being truthful as well. He hadn't tried to cover up what was happening to him, and he was bitter about it, but not with her. He was as lovely as she had thought at first. Even better now. He wasn't just a handsome, das.h.i.+ng aristocrat, he was a real human being. And she was sorry to hear everything that was happening to him. She felt now as though she'd made a friend. He kissed her again then, but there was no pa.s.sion to it. She was a pretty woman, but suddenly their lives were too different. As a circus performer, he didn't feel very das.h.i.+ng. He felt anything but, as he kissed her on the cheek, chastely this time, and then walked back to his own cabin. It was hard to imagine what his life would be like now, but surely like nothing he had ever known. And he wasn't anxious to find out.
He lay awake in his bed for a long time that night, and finally he put a coat on over his pajamas, and went outside to stand at the rail. It was nearly daybreak by then, and the sun came up slowly as they steamed into New York Harbor. The rest of the pa.s.sengers were asleep, and he watched as they slid by the Statue of Liberty. The tugboats had come to lead them in, and at seven o'clock in a bright morning sun, they pulled into the dock. They had arrived. And whether he felt ready for it or not, their new life had begun.
Chapter 7.
Nick made sure that the horses were all safely tethered, and Toby helped him clean out their stalls before they disembarked. Lucas gave them all water, as his father had shown him how to do, and oats in their feed bags. Nick commented that the three of them had become able stable boys during the long trip. And he watched closely, once he was dressed, as the crane lowered the boxcar carefully onto the dock.
From the pier on the Hudson River, the boxcar would be taken to the station, and their trip to Sarasota would begin. Nick barely had time to find Monique to say goodbye, before he left to join the boys in the car he had hired to take them to the station. He found her as her endless stack of steamer and cabin trunks was being removed by cabin boys and porters. She was wearing a heavy fur coat, and a spectacular hat with a veil, and white kid gloves.
”You look very beautiful,” he said, smiling at her. ”Thank you for our lovely evenings. I haven't danced that much in years.” And he realized that, mostly thanks to her, the respite from reality on the boat had done him good. It was his final farewell to a life he had been forced to give up, and he had enjoyed spending time with her.
”Take care of yourself,” she said, looking longingly at him, wis.h.i.+ng things were different, but they weren't. ”Write to me sometime.”
”I will,” he promised, but neither of them was sure they would, and he thought it unlikely. What could he possibly have to say that would interest her now, in her safe world in her husband's schloss in the Tyrol, once she returned from Boston? In a strange way, she had inherited the life he had been born to, and he had lost it. They were s.h.i.+ps pa.s.sing in the night. He kissed her gently on the cheek through her veil, smiled, and then was gone, as she stood watching from the rail as he got into the car with his boys. Lucas was hanging out the window, looking up at the s.h.i.+p they had just left, and a flatbed truck was carrying the boxcar with the horses. Nick had stolen a minute to thank Beauregard Thompson for his kindness and support during Pluto's experience of nearly dying. They shook hands, and the horseman from Kentucky wished him luck.
As they drove to Penn Station, Lucas was gazing out the window, fascinated by everything he saw and chattering excitedly, while Toby drifted into pensive silence. Nick kept a lookout to make sure that the boxcar was stable and the luggage car was following with their trunks. He had never had to handle so many details and arrangements on his own. Until then, servants and underlings had handled everything he had to cope with now himself, and he had a new respect for how talented and dedicated they had been, and how complicated it was to manage all the details, particularly with the horses. And as they hurried to their train, he stopped at a Western Union office in the station to send telegrams to his father and Alex, saying that they had arrived safely in New York. Lucas was insisting that he wanted to see the city, the Chrysler Building, and the Empire State Building, which was the tallest building in New York, and Nick said they didn't have time.
It seemed like a herculean feat to get the boxcar onto the Seaboard Air Line Railway train, and half an hour later they were settled into their compartment with their trunks all around them. It was a relief when they finally left the station, even though they had seen nothing of New York. Nick couldn't help thinking of Monique, on her way to Boston, and how simple her life was. She could return to Germany whenever she wanted, and he and his sons had fled. The cruelty of fate didn't escape him, but it was the way of the world now. He thought, too, about his mother, as they rode south on the train. He would have liked to try to find her before he left Germany, but he hadn't had time. And in an odd way, for the first time he felt angry at her for abandoning him, but she'd been a young girl, probably with no choice in the matter. He was determined to find her one day, and meet her, but he knew that now it was a long way off, if he could ever return to Germany at all. If Hitler remained in power, Nick would be a man without a country for the rest of his life.
”We're not going back, are we?” Toby said softly, once Lucas fell asleep from the rhythmic motion of the train, several hours out from New York.
”I don't know,” Nick said honestly. He didn't want to lie to him and give him false hope. ”It depends on what happens in Germany. For now, we have to make our home here.” They had no other choice.
”With the circus? Forever?” Toby was appalled.
”For a while.”
”I miss Opa,” Toby said sadly, and Nick nodded. He missed his father too. Terribly. And Alex. And their comfortable home and life.
”So do I. I'm sure he misses us too,” Nick said sadly, as the train to Florida rolled on.
It was long after dinnertime when Nick's telegram arrived at the manor house at the schloss that night. Paul had decided to remain where he was-the main house would be too lonely now without Nick and the boys, so he didn't move back. And staying in the manor house was a way of convincing himself they would return. The main schloss was their home.
He was relieved to read in the telegram that they had arrived safely in New York, and were on their way to Florida with the horses in good condition. Nick had signed it from him and the boys, and Paul had tears in his eyes when he read it. His life had been bleak for the past five days without them. He couldn't even imagine a whole lifetime without them now, and he had aged visibly ten years overnight.
When Alex got Nick's telegram at Schloss Altenberg, he showed it to Marianne, who had been sitting in the library with him. And they had been nearly as lonely as Nick's father. Nick and the boys' absence was sorely felt in everyone's life. Alex was relieved to read that the horses had traveled without mishap. Nick hadn't told him that Pluto nearly died. It would only have worried Alex for no reason, since all was well now, and Pluto seemed healthier than ever. At least for now, their future was safe.
When the train made several stops as it wended its way south, Nick got out and checked the horses, and gave them fresh water. The boys were excited to have dinner in the dining car, and afterward the porter set up their sleepers. They weren't due to arrive in Sarasota until the next morning, and would be traveling through the night. And Lucas loved the little blue light over his bed in the compartment. He thought everything about the trip was exciting. And Toby cheered up a little after dinner, as they watched the countryside slide by. Nick was exhausted by the stress of their travel, and constantly worried about either his sons or the horses. There seemed to be so much to take care of now. He had had no idea how complicated running one's own life was, and he was not enjoying the process. No matter how bad it was, it would be good to get to Florida, and finally stop moving around. He felt as though they were coming from the far end of the earth to get there. And they hadn't arrived yet. He was grateful that they wouldn't have to travel again for the next three months, since the circus was settled in its winter quarters, and wasn't leaving on tour until March. After that they would be on the move, going from city to city, for nine months. But they would have time to adapt to their new life now, with only a light schedule of occasional performances in Sarasota. It would give him and the boys a chance to adjust and settle in, and perfect their act. He wished Alex were there to help him improve further, and tried to remember everything Alex had taught him about putting the Lipizzaners through their paces.
And after not sleeping at all the night before on the s.h.i.+p, Nick fell into a deep sleep on the train, with the hypnotic rhythm and the sounds of the wheels on the track. It was morning, in a bright sun, when they finally got there. Nick had woken the boys an hour before, so they could dress and have breakfast, in the dining car again. Lucas ordered nearly everything on the menu, and tried to order in German. Nick forced him to use his halting English instead of translating for him. Toby had learned enough English to speak a little, although not well. He had to struggle for his words, but the people he spoke to were patient about it. Nick let Lucas order for all of them, and he did a decent job of it, and got everything right, except for the pancakes, which he called ”crepes” and confused the waiter. Both boys spoke a smattering of French, which they'd learned from a nanny they'd had when they were younger and still remembered, and enough English to get by.
When the train finally stopped in the Sarasota station, they felt as though they'd been traveling for weeks or months, not a mere six days on the s.h.i.+p and twenty hours on the train. There were roustabouts from the circus removing the boxcar, when Nick got off the train with the boys, and two porters carrying their trunks. He had no idea what to do next, when a man in a s.h.i.+ny blue suit, a lavender s.h.i.+rt, and a red tie came up to them, wearing a fedora pushed back on his head, and brandis.h.i.+ng a foul-smelling cigar like a magic wand.
”Mr. von Bingen?” he asked, and the two boys stared at the man, silently echoing their father's unspoken thoughts. They had never seen anyone like him. The man smiled broadly the moment Nick acknowledged who he was. It was obvious that the man in the s.h.i.+ny blue suit was from the circus, and had come to meet them. And he confirmed that the moment he spoke.
”Welcome to Florida and the Greatest Show on Earth,” he said grandly, waving the cigar in Lucas's face. The boy scrunched up his nose at the evil smell and turned away, while his father shook the man's hand.
”Thank you for coming to meet us,” Nick said sincerely, grateful for the help.
”Of course. Joe Herlihy,” he said, pumping Nick's hand until Nick thought his arm would fall off. Joe instructed the handlers to load the boxcar onto the flatbed truck he had brought with him. The logo of the circus was emblazoned on the door of the panel truck he was driving, and it was strange to see it now. It made everything suddenly seem more real. ”How did the horses do on the trip?”
”Surprisingly well,” Nick said in the clipped British accent he had when he spoke English, because that was where he had learned it, in boarding school. The man with the cigar spoke in a Southern drawl that was hard for Nick to understand.
”Do the boys speak English?” Joe asked with interest and a friendly glance over his shoulder at the boys in the backseat of the truck. The boxcar was following on the flatbed.
”A little. They're learning. We came over on a German boat, so they really haven't had to speak it yet,” Nick explained.
”They can go for years without ever learning it here,” Joe said with a grin. ”We have thirty-two nationalities at the circus, and over thirteen hundred performers and workers. It's a small village, or actually not so small, maybe more like a small city.” When he spoke, he did so with obvious pride. ”I've been with them for twelve years. I'm usually a scout, in the States anyway. Mr. North does the scouting and hiring himself in Europe. And they use me to meet and greet sometimes, for people like you. We have a lot of Germans, as well as Czechs, Poles, and Hungarians-they all speak German too. You should feel right at home there.” Nick knew it was going to take more than a common language for him to adjust to his new colleagues and surroundings, but if many of them spoke German, it would be nice for the boys, and he knew Lucas would be relieved. He wanted to make friends quickly, he always did. Toby wanted to practice his English, and so did Nick. There were a lot of American expressions he didn't understand. ”There are many French, Italian, and Spanish too. We have a group of j.a.panese acrobats, and a family of Chinese gymnasts and jugglers. They speak English, although I can hardly understand them. And almost all of the big cat acts are German. It must be very popular in your country.” Nick smiled as he said it. If it was, Nick had never heard about it. He had never known any lion tamers at home, nor acrobats or jugglers. He couldn't even remotely imagine what they would be like. But he was about to find out.
Both boys were wide-eyed as they drove through Sarasota. It was a pretty little town, and Joe pointed out minor landmarks to them. As it turned out, it was a short drive to the winter headquarters at the fairground, and when they got there, Nick saw a huge spread of land of many acres that was teeming with activity. There was a gigantic tent, a big top, where their performances would be while they were there. There were menageries, tents, practice rings, workshops, railroad yards, and what looked like a sea of trailers in several vast parking lots. There were hundreds of them. And they rolled past the gates of an enormous structure that looked like a house, only bigger, which Joe said was Ca' d'Zan, and appeared to be a Venetian palace sitting on the bay.
”The Ringlings live there,” he explained. Nick already knew that they owned the circus, and that John Ringling North had become president the year before, after his uncle John Ringling died. It was entirely a family-run business, with six of the actual Ringling brothers presiding. They had bought the Barnum & Bailey Circus many years before, in 1907, and the Ringlings were now in full control. They had merged two powerful, successful circuses and turned them into an astounding whole, with more than thirteen hundred employees, more than eight hundred animals, a hundred and fifty-two wagons, and a fifty-nine-car train. And everywhere Nick looked were people in odd costumes, women and young girls in tutus and ballet clothes, and men and women in gymnastic clothes. There had been a rehearsal for the clowns that day, and Lucas stared at them as they walked by. They were talking animatedly with each other, followed by dogs in varying shapes and sizes, in funny outfits, that were part of their act.
”We have more horses than any other animal. But yours are the only Lipizzaners in the country,” Joe explained to him. Nick looked around when they got out of the car-it seemed more like ten or twelve circuses banded together in one location. It was more circus and everything that went with it than any of them could have dreamed.
”Wow! It's so big!” Toby whistled softly, and his father was thinking the same thing. It looked as though one could easily get lost there. Lucas was jumping up and down, wanting to meet the clowns.
”You'll meet everyone eventually,” Joe rea.s.sured both boys. ”And there are lots of kids for you to play with. You'll all be tutored together once we're on the road. When we're in Sarasota, all the performers' children go to the local schools. There are too many of them for just one school. And you two boys will be going to school too.” It suddenly appeared to be a real community, with families, not just all the odd characters in the circus.
”We're actually here for the winter early this year. We had an actors' strike that shut us down till almost July. So we came down to our winter quarters earlier than usual, although we did a few extra shows in the Midwest.” It had turned out to be a blessing for Nick, since they were already there and not still on tour when they arrived. ”And I think we're going to leave later this spring, which will give you plenty of time to rehea.r.s.e and settle in before we tour. We usually start in February or March. We're planning on early April now. We open in New York.”
Joe checked a note he had in his pocket, and looked up the number of their trailer, and consulted a map in order to find it. It was in the third enormous parking lot, and when the truck pulled up next to it, Nick noticed that it was particularly long, although not very wide. And when they stepped into it, it looked like an inexpensive hotel room, but it had everything they would need.
His breath caught as they walked into the trailer. This was their new home, and he had never seen anything like it, with two tiny bedrooms and a miniature kitchen. His parking s.p.a.ce for the Duesenberg had been bigger than this, and he tried not to let what he was feeling show on his face. The boys peeked into the bedrooms, exploring. Lucas seemed satisfied, and was anxious to go outside and meet the children he'd just seen wandering around. They had just come home from school on several school buses. Toby collapsed on the trailer's only couch with an exhausted, dazed expression. Everything was simple and clean, but none of them had ever realized that people actually lived like this. Nick reminded himself that if they had been sent to a labor camp, it would have been far worse. Or if they had been forced to leave their estate, as Jews. Where would they have gone?
”We have a tent set up on the fairgrounds for your horses. We got it as close to your trailer as we could. It's warm, so they'll be fine in a tent. We'll use a trailer for them when they're on the road. We can store your boxcar here, or put it on one of the trains,” he informed Nick, who nodded. He was feeling overwhelmed by all the information and the tiny trailer they'd be living in, which was generous by circus standards. The two bedrooms were the size of the beds. It was all so vastly different from anything they'd ever known, and Toby looked like he was about to burst into tears, which Nick hoped he wouldn't. It would upset Lucas if he saw his older brother distraught. And Nick had to worry about both of them now. He tried to put a good face on it for their sake. He then asked Joe to show him to the tent where their horses were, so he could tend to them. He suggested that Toby and Lucas come with him, to keep them busy.
”Mr. North wants to see you at four this afternoon,” Joe told Nick. ”I'll pick you up and take you to meet him. And you have rehearsal at ten tomorrow morning. He'll be attending that as well. You're an important act for us,” he said generously. ”He likes to see all the acts when they come in. He particularly likes horses, so I'm sure he'll enjoy yours. He's a very accomplished horseman himself. And he wants to see your Lipizzaners.”
”I hope he likes our performance,” Nick said vaguely. He couldn't imagine being able to find his way around the maze of trailers, tents, workers, performers, and roving bands of people who swarmed the area like ants. He had never seen so many people in one place in his life. The boys were fascinated by it. Nick saw Toby watching a group of girls in ballet costumes with sparkles on them. They were pretty girls with good figures, and he hoped that would cheer them up a little. And Nick suddenly found himself missing Monique, who was at least familiar with his world. He felt as though he had been dropped on another planet, nothing looked like anything he'd ever seen before. Even the tropical landscape was strange and different, and it was warm.