Part 15 (1/2)
Chapter Twelve.
The temperature in Mendoza might be in the low thirties or the high eighties depending on whether she was feeling Argentinian or American, but Mercy, who was sitting on the verandah with her knees up, staring out across the vines that filled the land as far as the eye could see and twirling the stem of a gla.s.s filled with one of their mid-range reds, still felt as cold and numb and wretched as she had when shed arrived nearly a week ago.
Shed been a wreck when shed gotten on the first of the two planes she needed to take to get to Mendoza. In such bits that shed barely even packed. The journey had pa.s.sed in such a regret-filled, teary, heart-breaking blur she didnt remember much about it. Nor did she remember her parents picking her up at the airport in Mendoza, although she did recall her mother hustling her into bed and plying her with tea her love and support welcome rather than smothering for once.
Nothing, though, was strong enough or distracting enough to wipe out her misery and patch up her broken heart. Not the calm, concerned understanding of her parents, not her love of the vineyard, not work.
Shed heard about what had been going on in her absence and had listened to the advancing plans for the launch of rose. Shed spent hours checking the systems and machinery shed put in place and talking to the staff. And even more hours wandering through the vines, finding solace among the grapes and letting the heavenly warmth and scent of the soil envelop her as she thought about nothing but Seb and where shed gone wrong.
That she had gone wrong she now had no doubt. Despite her vow not to fall into the trap of thinking she could fix him, shed done exactly that. Shed really thought she could help him. Had really thought hed welcome it. But, of course, he hadnt. And why would he? Hed never asked her for help. In fact, hed specifically warned her against trying.
So why had she done it? she asked herself for what felt like the billionth time. Had it simply been because that was the way she was? Or had she wanted to release him from his past so that hed be free to fall in love with her?
Whatever the reason shed been stupid. So stupid. And she deeply regretted it because it had been a mistake and now she was paying the price of that stupidity, crying into her pillow at night like some kind of pathetic teenager and sleepwalking through the days.
At least Seb didnt know how she felt, she reminded herself, blinking back the ever present tears and taking a sip of wine. That was a blessing. She didnt think she could bear it if he knew. The humiliation would be crucifying.
But he didnt, and at least that would make facing him once she was back in New York that little bit easier. And unfortunately, she was going to have to face him at some point because he was now an important part of Zels life so hed be around. And she wouldnt have it any other way. Honestly she wouldnt because Zel was so happy now. So shed just have to suck it up and pretend everything was fine.
And it would get better. With time. The girls would help, too. The eighteen months she had left to complete her MBA would be over in no time. Everything would be fine. There was no point in wis.h.i.+ng things were different. No point in wis.h.i.+ng she could rewind time. No point wis.h.i.+ng ”Mercy.”
Mercy froze, her gla.s.s stilling mid-twirl, her heart leaping into her throat and her pulse suddenly going like a jack hammer because that voice had haunted her dreams for the last seven days and, what? Now it was haunting her days too? Was she imagining things? Was she going mad? Or was Seb here?
Her mouth bone dry and her head swimming, Mercy slowly lowered her feet to the floor and then turned. She looked up, and over, and there he was, standing in the doorway that opened from the lounge onto the verandah, wearing a crumpled white polo s.h.i.+rt and faded jeans and looking tired, haggard and absolutely, heart-meltingly wonderful.
And oh, how she wanted to leap up, throw herself into his arms and smother him in kisses. She wanted to beg him for forgiveness then drag him off to her bedroom because shed missed him so d.a.m.n much. But she kept herself right where she was because she didnt get to do that anymore.
”Seb,” she said, her voice hoa.r.s.e. ”What on earth are you doing here?”
”I came to talk to you.”
”What about?”
He didnt respond to that. Instead his dark fathomless gaze s.h.i.+fted to her gla.s.s. ”What are you drinking?”
”Malbec.”
”May I have a gla.s.s?”
”I thought you didnt drink.”
”I didnt. But Ive been making up for lost time lately. With a lot of things... I can see why you love it here,” he said, walking forwards and gazing out over the fields bathed in warm golden light. ”Its beautiful.”
”Sunset is my favorite time of day.”
”I remember you saying.”
She was not going to weaken. She was not going to weaken. Him remembering what shed said didnt mean a thing. ”Who let you in?”
”Your mother. She told me you were out here.”
She sighed. Then remembered her manners. ”You might as well take a seat.”
”Thank you.”
While he folded himself into a chair, Mercy got up to fetch a gla.s.s from the sideboard. She could feel his eyes on her as she did so, could feel her body begin to simmer with heat and need and longing.
”So what did you want to talk about?” she asked, banking down the desire and ignoring the aching of her heart as she filled his gla.s.s and handed it to him because neither had any place here. What was so important that hed travelled five thousand miles? Shed have heard if something had happened to Zel, wouldnt she?
”You,” he said gruffly and Mercy went still. ”Me. Well, you and me, actually.” He lifted his gla.s.s, downed half of it, then shoved his hands through his hair and s.h.i.+fted on the chair, and it occurred to her that he was nervous.
”I didnt think there was a you and me,” she said, her heart suddenly pounding because shed seen him many things before but never nervous. Never unsure of himself.
”Neither did I. I was wrong.”
”In what way?”
”In pretty much every way.”
A seed of hope sprouted deep inside her but she stamped it out because she really wasnt going there. She couldnt. She wasnt going to make the same mistake twice. ”You told me we were over.”
”I was an idiot.”
”A peabrain?”
He gave her the glimmer of a smile. ”New Word of the Day?”
She shot him a look. ”Yes.”
”Very appropriate.”
”So, what, we arent over?”
”I hope not,” he said, scrubbing his hands over his face and swallowing hard. ”G.o.d, I hope not.”
”Im not sure I understand.”
”I dont blame you. I screwed up badly. Id like to put that right, so first of all I need to tell you about that night five years ago when you came to tell me about Zel.”
”The night you deliberately seduced me?”
”Yes. But I didnt.”
”Didnt what?”
”Deliberately seduce you. I might have kissed you initially to shut you up but the moment I did I was lost.”