Part 16 (1/2)

John stroked her hair.

”I am afraid it will not be over for a long time, Amaryllis. Yes, I think we shall go out and pretty soon. You would not wish to stop me, child?”

Amaryllis looked straight in front of her.

”What is this thing in us, John, which makes us feel that--yes, we would give our nearest and dearest, even if they must be killed? When the big thing comes even into the lives which have been perhaps all frivolous like mine--it seems to make a great light. There is an exaltation, and a pity, and a glory, and a grief, but no holding back.

Is that patriotism, John?”

”That is one name for it, darling.”

”But it is really beyond that in this war, because we are not going to fight for England, but for right. I think that feeling that we must give is some oblation of the soul which has freed itself from the chains of the body at last. For so many years we have all been asleep.”

”This is a rude awakening.”

They were silent for a little while, each busy with unusual thoughts.

There was a sense of nearness between them--of understanding, new and dangerously sweet.

Amaryllis felt it deliciously, sensuously, and took joy in that she was touching him.

John thrust it away.

”I must get through to-night,” he thought, ”but I cannot if this hideous pain of knowledge of what I must renounce conquers me--I must be strong.”

He went on stroking her hair; it made her thrill and she turned and bit one of his fingers playfully with a wicked little laugh.

”I wish I knew what I am feeling, John,” she whispered, and her eyes were aflame, ”I wish I knew--”

”I must teach you!” and with sudden fierceness he bent down and kissed her lips.

Then he told her to go to bed.

”You must be tired, Amaryllis, after your journey. Go like a good child.”

She pouted. She was all vibrating with some totally new and overmastering emotion. She wanted to stay and be made love to. She wanted--she knew not what, only everything in her was thrilling with pa.s.sionate warmth.

”Must I? It is only ten.”

”I have a frightful lot of business things to write tonight, Amaryllis.

Go now and sleep, and I will come and wake you about twelve!” He looked lover-like. She sighed.

”Ah! if you would only come now!”

He kissed her almost roughly again and led her to the door. And he stood watching her with burning eyes as she went up the stairs.

Then he came back and rang the bell.