Part 24 (2/2)

'Yes, I know.

'Not a lot, but more than enough.

I nodded again.

She looked around, but Sharon had moved upstairs and Kevin was still in the yard. Not looking at me, she drew herself up and said firmly, 'I suspect, Mrs Checkland, that your recent illness was due to carelessness on my part and therefore, I beg you to accept my resignation.

Something more was called for than just saying: 'No. I focused on the pattern again, blue and cream, interwoven, took a breath and then another.

'Dr Williams said it was a twenty-four-hour bug. He said it wasnt the food. No one else is ... sick. You cannot leave Russell. Hed be heart-broken. You raised him. n.o.body can remember a ... time when you werent here. You mustnt go. Youre needed here. This is your home.

'Not bad. Not bad at all.

She shook her head. 'I should have gone years ago. Years and years ago.

I was mystified. 'Why?

She looked round again. I could hear Sharon coming back. I got up and went out.

'... Can you give Kevin a hand for half an hour or so? This seemed a good way of getting rid of her.

'Neat, said Thomas.

'Thank you.

'This next bit is not going to be good, though.

'No.

Back in the kitchen, she hadnt moved.

I sat down again and waited.

Hesitantly, folding and re-folding the tea towel, she began.

'I think in everyones life theres always something they wish theyd done. Or hadnt done. She looked at me and continued with difficulty. 'I did something. It was wrong. It was very wrong. I knew when I did it that it was wrong, but I was so alone and just for a few hours, the world went away and ... But it was wrong. So that was something else I had to forget. So I started taking a drink at night, just to help me to sleep and well, you can guess the rest.

She looked terrible. The weight of her past must be almost unbearable. She was in her what late fifties? Did Russell know what was going on here?

'Hard to say, said Thomas. ' Hes uncomfortably perceptive in some areas and a complete idiot in others. Im guessing this is one of his idiot areas.

With no idea what to do, I took her hand. She squeezed it and then pushed it away from her.

'Ill tell you, she said with sudden decision. 'Ill tell you and then youll see why I have to go.

'You dont have to, I said, panicking. 'Dont tell me if you dont want to.

But shed made up her mind. I dont think she was even listening to me. She sat up in her chair, squared her shoulders, and put her chin in the air.

'I killed her. I killed Russells mother.

Chapter Nine.

Long, long seconds pa.s.sed. I should do something. I should say something. The longer the silence lasted, the worse things would get. Neither of us was capable of speech. Thomas moved around to stand beside her, breathing gently into her hair. Calming and soothing.

I swallowed once or twice, and then, since she was still sobbing into her tea towel, got up and switched the kettle on. My legs felt wobbly. I was really out of my depth. Again. My first thoughts were to leave this for Russell to deal with, but that wouldnt be a good idea.

'Good thinking. Lets see what she has to say first. She might just be referring to another catering accident.

'Russells mother died in a car crash, Thomas.

'Well, I cant see her under the cha.s.sis tampering with the brakes, can you? Lets listen and then decide what to do.

I put a mug of tea in front of her, removed the tea towel, and subst.i.tuted the kitchen roll.

We looked at each other for a while and then she began.

'Dr Williams ... havent seen him in a long time. Did he call me Lizzie Crisp?

I nodded.

'That was my business name. She smiled back into her past. 'Ill start at the beginning. She seemed quite calm now. Determined too. I cuddled my tea in both hands and listened.

'Grahame and I met at junior school. We knew, both of us, almost from the moment we met. There was never anyone else. Childhood sweethearts.

She smiled again, but it was a sad and bitter smile this time.

'He was a mechanic and a good one. He worked for a while in his uncles garage and then set up on his own. He did well, but he was always busy so I looked around for something to do.

'I liked cooking. I was good at it, so when a friend asked me to cook for her dinner party I was thrilled. It was a success. Word got round. From being just something to keep me occupied, it went to being a neat little business. Grahame was happy, I was happy. Everything was going so well.

She drank some more tea. I was beginning to have a horrible feeling. Id wanted a life. Id wanted the sort of life real people have. We should be careful what we wish for. Suddenly, I wanted to be back in my attic where I wouldnt have to hear what happened to happy Lizzie Crisp and her childhood sweetheart Grahame.

She continued. 'And when Alice was born, it was just the icing on the cake. She was beautiful. I dressed her in blue to match her eyes.

She lost herself for a while and we waited patiently.

'Grahames dad found us some premises where I could cook and there was a small shop-front as well. People could either select from the freezer and take it home, or bring in their own dishes, Id fill them up, and they could pretend theyd cooked it themselves.

'It went really well. Grahame was busy too. I really thought it was going to be a case of ”and they all lived happily ever after”. Well, some of us did live, I mean. But there was no happily ever after for anyone. There never is, really, is there?

'Dont answer that.

'It was summer. I was hot, tired, and getting behind. Grahame finished work, collected Alice from play-school, and arrived to pick up the deliveries. I can still remember. There was a buffet meal for the Summers family they were having a do in their garden to celebrate their daughters exam results. There was a cake ... And Beef Wellington and poached pears for the Elliots. They were a nice couple.

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