Volume Ii Part 20 (1/2)
It may be all true--I have no doubt it is more philosophical, as the cant phrase is--to believe Kenny Dodd to be mistaken rather than suppose his whole family deranged, so that if I hear to-morrow or next day that I 'm about to take lessons in singing, or to hire a studio as a sculptor, I 'm fully determined to accept the tidings with a graceful submission. There is only one thing, Tom Purcell, that pa.s.ses my belief, and that is, that there ever lived as besotted an old fool as your friend Kenny D., a man so thoroughly alive to everything that displeased him, and yet so p.r.o.ne to endure it; so actively bent on going a road the very opposite to the one he wanted to travel; and that entered heart and soul into the spirit of ruining himself, as if it was the very best fun imaginable.
That you can attempt to follow me through the vagaries of this strange frame of mind is more than I expect, neither do I pretend to explain it to you. There it is, however,--make what you can of it, just as you would with a handful of copper money abroad, where there was no clew to the value of a single coin in the ma.s.s, but wherewith you are a.s.sured you have received your change.
With a fine lodging, smart liveries, a very good cook, and a well-supplied table, I thought it possible that though ruin would follow in about three months, yet in the interval I might probably enjoy a little ease and contentment. At all events, like the Indian, who, when he saw that he must inevitably go over the Falls, put his paddles quietly aside, and resolved to give himself no unnecessary trouble, I also determined I 'd leave the boat alone, and never ”fash myself for the future.” Wise as this policy may seem, it has not saved me. Mrs. D.
is a regular storm-bird! Wherever she goes she carries her own hurricane with her! and I verily believe she could get up a tornado under the equator.
In a little pious paroxysm that seized her in the mountains, she, at the instigation of a stupid old lord there, must needs write a tract about certain miracles that were or were not--for I 'll not answer for either--performed by a saint that for many years back n.o.body had paid any attention to. This precious volume cost _her_ three weeks' loss of rest, and _me_ about thirty pounds sterling. It was, however, a pious work, and even as a kind of _visa_ on her pa.s.sport to heaven, I suppose it would be called cheap. I a.s.sure you, Tom, I spent the cash grudgingly; that I did pay it at all I thought was about as good ”a miracle” as any in the book.
Armed with this tract, she tramped through the Lucchese mountains, leaving copies everywhere, and thrusting her volume into the hands of all who would have it. I 'm no great admirer of this practice in any sect. The world has too many indiscreet people to make this kind of procedure an over-safe one; besides, I 'm not quite certain that even a faulty religion is not preferable to having none at all, and it happens not unfrequently that the convert stops half-way on his road, and leaves one faith without ever reaching the other. I 'll not discuss this matter further; I have trouble enough on my hands without it.
These little tracts of Mrs. D.'s attracted the attention of the authorities. It was quite enough that they had been given away gratis, and by an Englishwoman, to stamp them as attempts to proselytize, and, although they could n't explain how, yet they readily adopted the idea that the whole was written in a figurative style purposely to cover its real object, and so they set lawyers and judges to work, and what between oaths of peasants and affirmations of prefects, they soon made a very pretty case, and yesterday morning, just as we had finished breakfast, a sergeant of the gendarmerie entered the room, and with a military salute asked which was la Signora Dodd? The answer being given, he proceeded to read aloud a paper, that he held in his hand, the contents of which Cary translated for me in a whisper. They were, in fact, a judge's warrant to commit Mrs. D. to prison under no less than nine different sections of a new law on the subject of religion. In vain we a.s.sured him that we were all good Catholics, kept every ordinance of the Church, and hated a heretic. He politely bowed to our explanation, but said that with this part of the matter he had nothing to do; that doubtless we should be able to establish our innocence before the tribunal; meanwhile Mrs. D. must go to prison.
I 'm ashamed at all the warmth of indignation we displayed, seeing that this poor fellow was simply discharging his duty,--and that no pleasant one,--but somehow it is so natural to take one's anger out on the nearest official, that we certainly didn't spare him. Tiverton threatened him with the House of Commons; James menaced him with the ”Times;” Mary Anne protested that the British fleet would anchor off Leghorn within forty hours; and I hinted that Mazzini should have the earliest information of this new stroke of tyranny. He bore all like--a gendarme! stroked his moustaches, clinked his sword on the ground, put his c.o.c.ked-hat a little more squarely on his head, and stood at ease. Mrs. D.--there s no guessing how a woman will behave in any exigency--did n't go off, as I thought and expected she would, in strong hysterics; she did n't even show fight; she came out in what, I am free to own, was for her a perfectly new part, and played martyr; ay, Tom, she threw up her eyes, clasped her hands upon her bosom, and said, ”Lead me away to the stake--burn me--torture me--cut me in four quarters--tear my flesh off with hot pincers.” She suggested a great variety of these practices, and with a volubility that showed me she had studied the subject. Meanwhile the sergeant grew impatient, declared the ”sance”
was over, and ordered her at once to enter the carriage that stood awaiting her at the door, and which was to convey her to the prison. I need n't dwell on a very painful scene; the end of it was that she was taken away, and though we all followed in another carriage, we were only admitted to a few moments of leave-taking with her, when the ma.s.sive gates were closed, and she was a captive!
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Tiverton told me I must at once go to our Legation and represent the case. ”Be stout about it,” said he; ”say she must be liberated in half an hour. Make the Minister understand you are somebody, and won't stand any humbug. I 'd go,” he added, ”but I can't do anything against the present Government.” A knowing wink accompanied this speech, and though I didn't see the force of the remark, I winked too, and said nothing.
”What language does he speak?” said I, at last.
”Our Minister? English, of course!”
”In that case I 'm off at once;” and away I drove to the Legation. The Minister was engaged. Called again,--he was out. Called later,--he was in conference with the Foreign Secretary. Later still,--he was dressing for dinner. Tipped his valet a Nap. and sent in my card, with a pressing entreaty to be admitted. Message brought back, quite impossible,--must call in the morning. Another Nap. to the flunkey, and asked his advice.
”His Excellency receives this evening,--come as one of the guests.”
I did n't half like this counsel, Tom; it was rather an obtrusive line of policy, but what was to be done? I thought for a few minutes, and, seeing no chance of anything better, resolved to adopt it. At ten o'clock, then, behold me ascending a splendidly illuminated staircase, with marble statues on either side, half hid amidst all manner of rare and beautiful plants. Crowds of splendidly dressed people are wending their way upward with myself--doubtless with lighter hearts--which was not a difficult matter. At the top, I find myself in a dense crowd, all a blaze of diamonds and decorations, gorgeous uniforms and jewelled dresses of the most costly magnificence.
I a.s.sure you I was perfectly lost in wonderment and admiration. The glare of wax-lights, the splendor of the apartments themselves, and the air of grandeur on every side actually dazzled and astounded me. At each instant I heard the t.i.tle of Duke and Prince given to some one or other.
”Your Highness is looking better;” ”I trust your Grace will dance;” ”Is the Princess here?” ”Pray present me to the d.u.c.h.ess.” Egad, Tom, I felt I was really in the very centre of that charmed circle of which one hears so much and yet sees so little.
I need n't say that I knew n.o.body, and I own to you it was a great relief to me that n.o.body knew _me_. Where should I find the Minister in all this chaos of splendor, and if I did succeed, how obtain the means of addressing him? These were very puzzling questions to be solved, and by a brain turning with excitement, and half wild between astonishment and apprehension. On I went, through room after room,--there seemed no end to this gorgeous display. Here they were crushed together, so that stars, crosses, epaulettes, diamond coronets, and jewelled arms seemed all one dense ma.s.s; here they were broken into card-parties; here they were at billiards; here dancing; and here all were gathered around a splendid buffet, where the pop, pop of champagne corks explained the lively sallies of the talkers. I was not sorry to find something like refreshment; indeed, I thought my courage stood in need of a gla.s.s of wine, and so I set myself vigorously to pierce the firm and compact crowd in front of me. My resolve had scarcely been taken, when I felt a gentle but close pressure within my arm, and on looking down, saw three fingers of a white-gloved hand on my wrist.
I started back; and even before I could turn my head, Tom, I heard a gentle voice murmur in my ear, ”Dear creature,--how delighted to see you!--when did you arrive?” and my eyes fell upon Mrs. Gore Hampton!
There she was, in all the splendor of full dress, which, I am bound to say, in the present instance meant as small an amount of raiment as any one could well venture out in. That I never saw her look half so beautiful is quite true. Her combs of brilliants set off her glossy hair, and added new brilliancy to her eyes, while her beauteous neck and shoulders actually shone in the brightness of its tints. I bethought me of the ”Splgen,” Tom, and the cold insolence of her disdain. I tried to summon up indignation to reproach her, but she antic.i.p.ated me, by saying, with a bewitching smile, ”Adolphus isn't here now, Doddy!”
Few as the words were, Tom, they revealed a whole history,--they were apology for the past, and a.s.surance for the present. ”Still,” said I, ”you might have--” ”What a silly thing it is!” said she, putting her fan on my lips; ”and it wants to quarrel with me the very moment of meeting; but it must n't and it sha'n't. Get me some supper, Doddy,--an oyster patty, if there be one,--if not, an ortolan truff.”
This at least was a good sensible speech, and so I wedged firmly into the ma.s.s, and, by dint of very considerable pressure, at length landed my fair friend at the buffet. It was, I must say, worth all the labor.
There was everything you can think of, from sturgeon to Maraschino jelly, and wines of every land of Europe. It was a good opportunity to taste some rare vintages, and so I made a little excursion through Marcobrunner to Johannisberg, and thence on to Steinberger. Leaving the Rhine land, I coquetted awhile with Burgundy, especially Chambertin, back again, however, to Champagne, for the sake of its icy coldness, to wind up with some wonderful Schumlawer,--a Hungariau tap,--that actually made me wish I had been born a hussar.
It is no use trying to explain to _you_ the tangled maze of my poor bewitched faculties. _You_, whose experiences in such trials have not gone beyond a struggle for a ham sandwich, or a chicken bone for some asthmatic old lady in black satin,--_you_ can neither comprehend my situation nor compa.s.sion ate my difficulties. How shall I convey to your uninformed imagination the bewitching effects of wine, beauty, heat, light, music, soft words, soft glances, blue eyes, and snowy shoulders? I may give you all the details, but you 'll never be able to blend them into that magic ma.s.s that melts the heart, and makes such fools of the Kenny Dodds of this world. There is such a thing, believe me, as ”an atmosphere of enchantment.” There are elements which compose a magical air around you, perfumed with odors, and still more entrancing by flatteries. The appeal is now to your senses, now to your heart, your affections, your intellect, your sympathies; your very self-love is even addressed, and you are more than man, at least more than an Irishman, if you resist.
Egad, Tom, she is a splendid woman! and has that air of gentleness and command about her that somehow subdues you at once. Her little cajoleries--those small nothings of voice and look and touch--are such subtle tempters for one admired even to homage itself.
”You must be my escort, Doddy,” said she, drawing on her glove, after fascinating me by the sight of that dimpled hand, and those rose-tipped fingers so full of their own memories for me. ”You shall give me your arm, and I'll tell you who every one is.” And away we sailed out of the supper-room into the crowded _salons_.
Our progress was slow, for the crush was tremendous; but, as we went, her recognitions were frequent. Still, I could not but remark, not with women. All, or nearly all, her acquaintances were of, I was going to say the harder, but upon my life I believe the real epithet would be the softer s.e.x. They saluted her with an easy, almost too easy, familiarity.
Some only smiled; and one, a scoundrel,--I shall know him again, however,--threw up his eyes with a particular glance towards me, as plainly as possible implying, ”Oh, another victim, eh?” As for the ladies, some stared full at her, and then turned abruptly away; some pa.s.sed without looking; one or two made her low and formal courtesies; and a few put up their gla.s.ses to scan her lace flounce or her lappets, as if _they_ were really the great objects to be admired. At last we came to a knot of men talking in a circle round a very pretty woman, whose jet-black eyes and ringlets, with a high color, gave her a most brilliant appearance. The moment she saw Mrs. G. H. she sprang from her seat to embrace her. They spoke in French, and so rapidly that I could catch nothing of what pa.s.sed; but the dark eyes were suddenly darted towards me with a piercing glance that made me half ashamed.
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