Volume I Part 29 (1/2)
”That was n't what I was thinking of at all, my Lord. I was only speculating on the mighty small chance your friend would have of the money.”
”Do you mean to say, sir, that the jury would n't give it?”
”Theory might, but Kenny Dodd wouldn't,” said I.
”The Queen's Bench, sir, or the Court of Exchequer, would take care of that. They 'd issue a 'Mandamus,'--the strongest weapon of our law; they'd sell to the last stick of your property; they'd take your wife's jewels,--the coat off your back--”
”As to the jewels of Mrs. D.,” says I, ”and my own wardrobe, I 'm afraid they 'd not go far towards the liquidation.”
”They'd attach every acre of your estate.”
”Much good it would do them,” said I. ”We're in the Enc.u.mbered Court already.”
”Whatever your income may be derived from, they 're sure to discover it.”
”Faith!” said I, ”I 'd be grateful to them for the information, for it's two months now since I beard from Tom Purcell, and I don't know where I'm to get a s.h.i.+lling!”
”But what are damages, after all!” said he; ”nothing, absolutely nothing!”
”Nothing indeed!” said I.
”And look at the misery through which a man most wade ere be attain to them. A public trial, a rule to show cause, a motion,--three or four thousand gone for that. The case heard at Westminster Hall,--forty-seven witnesses brought over special from different parts of the Continent, at from two guineas to ten per diem, and travelling expenses,--what money could stand it; and see what it comes to: you ruin some poor devil without benefiting yourself. That 's the folly of it! Believe me, Dodd, the only people that get any enjoyment out of these cases are the lawyers!”
”I can believe it well, my Lord.”
”I know it,--I know it, sir,” said he, fiercely. ”I have already told you that I 'm no humbug. I don't want to pretend to any nonsense about virtue, and all that. I was once in my life--I was young, it is true--in the same predicament you now stand in. It won't do to speak of the parties, but I suspect our cases were very similar. The friend who acted for the husband happened to be one who knew all my family and connections. He came frankly to me, and said,--
”'Bruce, this affair will come to a trial,--the damages will be laid at ten thousand,--the costs will be about three more. Can you meet that?'
”'No,' said I, 'I 'm a younger son,--I 've got my commission in the Guards, and eight thousand in the ”Three-and-a-Half's” to live on, so that I can't.'
”'What _can_ you pay?' said he.
”'I can stand two thousand,' said I, boldly.
”'Say three,' said he,--'say three.'
”And I said, 'Three be it,' and the affair was settled--an exposure escaped--a reputation rescued--and a clear saving of something like ten thousand pounds; and this just because we chanced both of us to be 'men of the world.' For look at the thing calmly; how should any of us have been bettered by a three days' publicity at Nisi Prius,--one's little tendernesses ridiculed by Thesiger, and their soft speeches slanged by Serjeant Wilkins. Turn it over in your mind how you may, and the same conclusion always meets you. The husband, it is true, gets less money; but then he has no obloquy. The wife escapes exposure; and the 'other party' is only mulct to one-fourth of his liability, and at the same time is exempt from all the ruffianism of the long robe! A vulgarly minded fellow might have said, 'What's the woman's reputation to _me?_ I'll defend the action,--I'll prove this, that, and t'other. I'll engage the first counsel at the bar, and fight the battle out. I don't care a jot about being blackguarded before a jury, lampooned in the papers, and caricatured in the windows,' he might say; 'what signifies to _me_ what character I hold before the world,--I have neither sons nor daughters to suffer from my disgrace.' I know that all these and similar reasons might prompt a man of a certain stamp to regret this course, and say, 'Be it so. Let there be a trial!' But neither _you_ nor _I_ Dodd, could see the matter in this light. There is this peculiarity about a man of the world, that not alone he sees rightly, but he sees quickly; he judges pa.s.sing events with a kind of instinctive appreciation of what will be the tone of society generally, and he says to himself, 'There are doubtless elements in this question that I would wish otherwise.
I would, perhaps, say _this_ is not exactly to my taste; I don't like _that_;' but whoever yet found that he broke his leg exactly in the right place? What man ever discovered that the toothache ever attacked the very tooth he wanted! I take it, Dodd, that you are a man who has seen a good deal of life; now did your heart ever bound with delight on seeing the outside of a bill of costs? or on hearing the well-known knock of a better known dun at your hall door? True philosophy consists in diminis.h.i.+ng, so far as may be, the inevitable ills of life. Don't you agree with me?”
”With the general proposition I do, my Lord; the question here is, how far the present case may be considered as coming within your theory.
Suppose now, just for argument's sake, I was to observe that there was no similarity between our situations; that while _you_ openly avow culpability, _I_ as distinctly deny it.”
”You prefer to die innocent, Dodd?” said he, puffing his cigar coolly as he spoke.
”I prefer, my Lord, to maintain the vantage ground that I feel under my feet. Had you been patient enough to hear me out, I could have explained to your perfect satisfaction how I came here, and why. I could have shown you a reason for everything that may possibly seem strange or mysterious--”
”As, for instance, the a.s.sumption of a name and t.i.tle that did not belong to you,--a fortnight's close seclusion to avoid discovery,--the sudden departure for Ems, and headlong haste of your journey here,--and, finally, the att.i.tude of more than persuasive eloquence in which I myself saw you. Of course, to a man of an ingenious and inventive turn, all these things are capable of at least some approach to explanation.
Lawyers do the thing every day,--some, with tears in their eyes, with very affecting appeals to Heaven, according to the sums marked on the outside of the briefs. If your case had been one of murder, I could have got you a very clever fellow who would have invoked divine vengeance on his own head in open court if he were not in heart and soul a.s.sured of your spotless innocence! But now please to bear in mind that we are not in Westminster Hall. We are here talking frankly and honestly, man to man,--sophistry and special pleading avail nothing; and here I candidly tell you, that, turn the matter how you will, the advice I have given is the only feasible and practicable mode of escaping from this difficulty.”