Volume I Part 10 (2/2)
than if he smiled and simpered, and a.s.sured me that I was in the middle of the path, and getting on beautifully.
And there isn't any good-nature in it; not a bit. It's not good-heartedness, nor kindness, nor amiability. I don't believe a word of it; because the chap that does it isn't thinking of you at all,--he 's only minding himself; he 's fancying how he 's delighting you, or captivating your wife or your sister-in-law; or, if it's a woman, she wants to fascinate or make a fool of you.
The real and essential difference between us and all foreigners is that they are always thinking of what effect they are producing; they never for a single moment forget that there is an audience. Now we, on the contrary, never remember it. Life with them is a drama, in all the blaze of wax-lights and a crowded house; with us, it's a day-rehearsal, and we slip about, mumbling our parts, getting through the performance, unmindful of all but our own share in it.
More than half of what is attributed to rudeness and unsociality in us, springs out of the simple fact that we do not care to obtrude even our politeness when there seems no need of it. _Our_ civilities are like a bill of exchange, that must represent value one day or other. _Theirs_ are like the gilt markers on a card-table: they have a look of money about them, but are only counterfeit. Perhaps this may explain why our women like the Continent so much better than ourselves. All this mock interchange of courtesy amuses and interests _them_; it only worries _us_.
To come back to Vickars. He 'll do nothing for James. His ”own list is quite full;” he ”has mentioned his name,” he says, ”to the Secretary for the Colonies,” and will speak of him ”at the Home Office.” But I know what that means. The party is safe for the present, and don't need our dirty voices for many a day to come. It's distressing me to find out what to do with him. Can you get me any real information about the gold diggings? Is it a thing that would suit him? His mother, I know well, would never consent to the notion of his working with his hands; but, upon my conscience, if it's his head he's to depend on, he'll fare worse! He is very good-looking, six foot one and a half, strong as a young bull; and to ride an unbroken horse, drive a fresh team, to shoot a snipe, or book a salmon, I 'll back him against the field. I hear, besides, he 's a beautiful cue at billiards. But what's the use of all these at the Board of Trade, if he had even the luck to get there?
Many 's the time I 've heard poor old Lord Kilmahon say that an Irish education was n't worth a groat for England; and I now see the force of the remark.
Not but he 's working hard every day, with French and fortification and military surveying, with a fine old officer that served in the wars of the Empire,--Captain de la Bourdonaye,--a regular old soldier of Bony's day, that hates the English as much as any Irishman going. He comes and sits with me now and then of an evening, but there 's not much society in it, since we can't understand each other. We have a bottle of rum and some cigars between us, and our conversation goes on somewhat in this fas.h.i.+on:--
”Help yourself, Mounseer.”
A grin and bow, and something mumbled between his teeth.
”Take a weed?”
We smoke.
”James is getting on well, I hope? Mon fils James improving, eh? Grand general one of these days, eh?”
”Oui, oui.” Fills and drinks.
”Another Bonaparte, I suppose?”
”Ah! le grand homme” Wipes his eyes, and looks up to the ceiling.
”Well, we thrashed him for all that! Faith, we made him dance in Spain and Portugal. What do you say to Talavera and Vittoria?”
Swears like a trooper, and rattles out whole volumes of French, with gestures that are all but blows. I wait till it 's over, and just say ”Waterloo!”
This nearly drives him crazy, and he forgets to put water in his gla.s.s; and off he goes about Waterloo in a way that's dreadful to look at. I suppose, if I understood him, I 'd break his neck; but as I don't, I only go on saying ”Waterloo” at intervals; but every time I utter it, he has to blow off the steam again. When the rum is finished, he usually rushes out of the room, gnas.h.i.+ng his teeth, and screaming something about St. Helena. But it 's all over the next day, and he 's as polite as ever when we meet,--grins, and hands me his tin snuff-box with the air of an emperor. They 're a wonderful people, Tom; and though they 'd murder you, they 'd never forget to make a bow to your corpse.
You may imagine, from what I tell you, that I am very lonely here; and so I am. I never meet anybody I can speak to; I never see any newspaper I can read! I eat things without knowing the names of them, or, what's worse, what they are; and all this I must do for economy, while I could live for less than one-half the expense at Dodsburough!
Mary Anne has just come to say that the doctors are agreed Mrs. D. must be removed; the noise of the town will destroy her. My only surprise is that she did n't discover it sooner. They speak of a place called Chaude Fontaine, seven miles away, and of a little watering-place called Spa.
But I 'll not budge an inch till I have all the particulars, for I know well they 're all dying to be at the old work again,--tea-parties, and hired horses, and polkas, in the evening, and the rest of it. Lord George has arrived at Lige, and I would n't be astonished if he was at the bottom of it all; not but he behaved well in James's business. To deal with a Jew there 's nothing in the world like one of your young sprigs of n.o.bility! Moses does n't care a bulrush for you or me; but when he hears of a Lord Charles or Lord Augustus, he alters his tone.
It is that cla.s.s which supplies his customers, and he dares not outrage them.
I wish you saw the way he managed our friend Lazarus! He would n't look into his statement, read one of his accounts, or even bestow a glance at the bills.
”I 'm up to all those dodges, Lazzy,” said he; ”it's no use coming that over _me_. What 'll you do it for?”
”Ah, my good Lord Shorge, you know better as me, that we cannot give away our moneys. Here are all the bills--”
”Don't care for that, Lazzy,--won't look at 'em. What 'll you do it for?”
”If I lend my moneys at a fair per shent--”
”Well, what's the figure to be? Say it at once, or I'm off.”
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