5 Following Bad Advice (1/2)

Madam Hannah's Advice Column – The absolute best advice you can get anywhere!

That was the headline for a certain live blog in which a popularized columnist offered suggestions. Whether it be about daily issues or romance, Madam Hannah had you covered!

That was what one would see, scrolling through the brightly colored webpages that decorated each section of her blog. Put on display were logs of her sessions where she had given numerous examples of advice to anonymous people who came to her with various troubles.

Judging by the number of visits to the site, one would immediately believe that her work was trustworthy. If that wasn't enough to convince something, then the multitude of glowing reviews from satisfied customers were placed front and center to hammer away your doubts.

”Her advice is simply the best!”

”I managed to get back together with my friend that I wanted to murder just days ago! Great job on opening our eyes!”

”I followed your advice, and now, I'm swimming with dough! Thank you so much for giving me the advice of a century!”

”My disease has gone away! Who knew that a shot of bleach would do wonders? Even better than wasting money on 'so-called' professionals!”

These were the type of comments littered about the site, showering the owner with praises and worship. It was just another day on the job for Madam Hannah, the internet's trendiest advice column.

Hannah Adler, AKA Madam Hannah, turned around in her office chair, satisfied that she had 'convinced' something of her advice just now. After all, this kind of work wasn't easy. And for the low, low price of $30 per session, they were given peace of mind for a little while.

Of course, Hannah knew that her advice was nothing more than the mindless drivel of easily searchable solutions from the internet, but she always sounded like she knew what she was doing. And if she had happened to make a mistake, then she would just cut herself off from further interactions with them and block them from the website. Out of sight, out of mind.

In truth, her website started off with honest intentions, like most ones do. But after helping a few people in her spare time, there just seemed to be an itch that she wanted to scratch. She craved the attention. She loved listening to the personal stories. Even if she couldn't help, she wanted them to come to her. She wanted them to hear her words.

One day, she had learned about programmable bots, sections of script that could perform actions automatically for her. Thinking about it objectively, there was nothing illegal about using bots. It would help bring in more potential clients by making them believe that her blog was worthwhile to visit.

She waited as the bots continued to artificially 'visit' the site, bring her page views up at a steady pace. Furthermore, she had set them up to leave various comments on other random pages, directing people to come visit hers.

It succeeded in its initial purpose, creating more visibility across the internet and making her blog pop up near the top of searches for advice columns.

With a stable clientele in place, she had to brush up on giving advice. However, gaining knowledge and expertise was a slow grind, never knowing when exactly something would be useful. It was like trying to be a master at trivia; only the few and extremely determined could make it to the Jeopardy! Stage.

Hannah simply wanted to listen to stories and make some money on the side. Luckily, she lived in an age where nearly everything was searchable on the internet. If there was one thing that she couldn't live without, that was the internet.

How could she handle being unable to know something? The lack of knowing would continue to drive her nuts. And if a thorough search of the internet yielded no results, then finally, she could settle with no one else knowing either.

Giving people advice was merely just gathering the collective knowledge from the internet and regurgitating it back to someone who didn't know how to find it themselves. Surely, it wasn't a scam if it was something she could do that others had been too lazy to.

Yet, there were always furious reviewers who would show up to flame her site with ugly remarks and poor reviews. It wasn't her fault. That was what she could find on the internet. If they had done the legwork themselves, then they probably would've ended up with the same conclusion, but without having to pay the session fee.

Feeling no remorse over these 'trolls', Hannah merely released her bots on them. Drowning out their flames with fake reviews of glowing praise, she could take her time to covertly stamp out each of the negative feedback. She didn't need those eyesores mucking up her fabulous site. And if they were going to unjustly flame her, then she might as well fight fire with fire.

Just then, she received a ping.

”Ohh! Another customer asking for a session! Time to get to work!” She rubbed her palms together in anticipation.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

T-kun: Hello.

Madam Hannah: Hello there. What seems to be the problem?

T-kun: I seem to have lost feeling for anything as of late.

Madam Hannah: Depression? Something bringing you down?

T-kun: Maybe. Seeing all of the BS and fake news online has really made me question humanity as of late.

Madam Hannah: Ooo, I hate that kind of thing to! It makes me wanna flip a table!