Part 17 (1/2)

”Michael.” She touched him then, laid her hand lightly on his back. He couldn't deal. Barely managing not to flinch away, he threw the covers back and got out of bed.

”I need the bathroom.” He turned and headed toward the door at the side of the room, catching in the corner of his eye the image of Faith, in one of his t-s.h.i.+rts, sitting in his bed.

What he'd wanted for years was coming true. He had Faith. She was his. Even knowing who he was, she was his. And he was leaving her alone in his bed. Moving away from her again.

He went into the bathroom and closed the door. Then he walked through, into Tucker's room, and closed that door, too. Pulling up the big stuffed dog to use as a pillow, he lay down on the floor next to his sleeping son's crib.

”What about this one?”

”MOOOO!”

”That's right, buddy. Cows go 'moo.' Can you say 'cow'?

”MOOOO!” Tucker pursed his lips and sat up straight on Demon's lap, really getting into the word. Demon laughed and kissed the back of his head. This morning, having breakfast and playing with his boy, he felt almost normal. As long as he didn't think about who was sleeping in his bed.

”You're a good moo-er, Tuck.” He turned the page. ”How about this one?”

”Fay!”

It was a picture of a sheep, and 'fay' wasn't even close, so Demon looked at his son, preparing to correct him. But Tucker wasn't looking at the book. Faith was in the room, leaning against the wall at the point where the family room led into the kitchen. Tucker was greeting her.

”Hey, buddy,” she said, but she didn't move. ”Where's Bibi?”

”She went to see your mom.”

Faith nodded. She was still wearing his t-s.h.i.+rt, swimming in it, and she'd put her leather pants back on. When he'd first seen her last night at the clubhouse, before everything went to s.h.i.+t, he'd taken a moment just to look at her-still marveling at the ways she could be so different and so familiar at the same time. She'd been wearing those black leather pants, fitting like a second skin, a black lace top, and high-heeled shoes with straps covered in studs. She was gorgeous. And then he'd seen that Connor had hugged her in that full-body way he'd always hugged her, and Demon's face had gotten hot.

He knew they'd been practically brother and sister-or, at least, he knew that was what they said. But he also knew Connor, who chased p.u.s.s.y like the resource was running low. It was hard not to feel hostile when he saw a horndog like that lifting Faith off the ground. Or anybody, for that matter. That was for Demon, no one else.

He met Faith's eyes. She looked like she hadn't gotten that much sleep, even though it was after ten in the morning.

”You want me to go? I can stay at my mom's. I have to move in there when she comes home, anyway, and there's stuff I need to do.”

He set his son off his lap. ”Tuck, you want to play with trains?”

”Ook!” Tucker pushed the book at him. He wanted to finish the story. Demon was torn. He had to make Faith feel better. He'd been a monster last night, and then a jerk. But now, in the bright sun of a Sat.u.r.day morning, things were maybe not so bleak. Maybe. But he didn't know if he could say the things he'd need to say to help Faith understand him. He had to lock that box back up, or it would swallow him whole.

And he didn't want to put his son off, either. In the past week, he hadn't been paying Tucker the attention he needed. He'd been leaning on Bibi even more than usual.

”It's okay,” Faith said, in the same lackl.u.s.ter tone. ”I get it.”

”No, you don't!” Tucker and Faith both frowned at Demon's sharp tone, and he took a breath. ”I don't want you to go. Please don't go.” Looking at the book still on his lap, he had an idea. ”Let's take Tucker out.”

Her surprise was as clear on her face as her fear had been last night. ”What?”

”Let's go out-the three of us.”

She smiled, but her forehead creased. ”How? Dante doesn't have a back seat.”

”I have a truck, too. Extended cab. I've been a dad a while, Faith. I don't strap him on the back of my bike.”

That made her chuckle quietly. ”Okay. I'd like that. Where?”

”I know a place. Hey, Tuck. Want to go someplace fun to play?”

Tucker clapped his hands. ”Yeah! Pway!”

Demon parked his truck along the side of the barn. Tucker was already excited, having screamed MOOO! at every cow they'd pa.s.sed on the road.

Faith was simply smiling at him, bemused.

Demon had enjoyed the ride tremendously. His old truck had a bench front seat, and he'd pulled Faith over to sit right at his side. He'd driven with his arm over her shoulders, like they had in the time before. Her touch made him feel quiet. He wondered whether that might have been true last night, too, whether she could have calmed him after the dream if he hadn't run away so quickly.

He had to learn to hold. In most parts of his life, it would never occur to him to run. In club business or facing club justice, he never thought to run. He'd done time rather than run. He'd bled rather than run.

There was only one particular exception, when he'd made an already frightened little boy afraid of him.

But with Faith, running seemed always to be his first impulse. No-his second. His first impulse, to pull her to him so tightly she became part of him, was the thing that scared him almost more than anything else. It was so strong. It felt like it would hurt her if he let it loose, like his very love would hurt her. Like the beast inside him wanted her as badly as he did.

But then, when he touched her, when she touched him, she made him quiet. The paradox was f.u.c.king with his head. Obviously.

His arm still around her, Demon looked into the rearview mirror at his son. ”Okay, Motor Man. You want to pet a cow?”

”MOOO!” he shouted from his car seat.

Laughing, Demon got out, put his kutte on, and helped Faith down. Then he went around and released Tucker.

As they came around the back of his Ford, Demon holding Tucker's hand, Tucker lifted his free hand to Faith, and she took it. They walked that way toward an older, heavyset black man in dusty jeans and a Caterpillar cap.

Malachi Jerrolds, J.R.'s father, ran this cattle ranch about fifty miles east of Madrone. In addition to a large Angus herd that supported his family, he kept a small herd of Holsteins and a flock of chickens for a side business selling raw milk and free-range eggs at the farmer's markets. He also had goats for foliage control. The place was practically heaven on earth for Tucker. Demon should have thought of it before.

Demon held out his hand. ”Malachi.”

”Demon. How you doin', son?”

”I'm good. This is my old lady, Faith.” The words 'old lady' gave him a thrill of happiness and pride and fear. He could see that she liked to hear him say them.

”Good to meet ya.”

Faith shook his hand. ”And you. Thanks for this.”

”You bet. And this's gotta be Tucker, then.” Malachi squatted down to Tucker's level and held out his hand. ”Hey, there, young man.”