Part 3 (1/2)

aWhat do you intend to do, Richard?a aScour the d.a.m.ned county for Sabrina, my lord. Good day, sir,a he said to Trevor, and strode from the library.

Trevor looked after the marquess. aYou didnat tell me that Sabrina was to wed that man.a aShe hadnat as yet accepted him.a aI see,a Trevor said. He began slowly and precisely to turn the gold fob on his waistcoat. aSuch a brute of a fellow he is. Surely he is too large, too demanding, to wed a child like Sabrina.a aHe is a man. Go back and nurse your chill, Trevor, I wish to think.a A slight sneer crossed Trevoras face. aI believe, my lord, that my chill has been sufficiently attended to. I shall speak with my poor Elizabeth now.a The earlas voice halted him at the door. aI would suggest, nephew, that your so-called reason for Sabrinaas running away not reach the marquessas ears. He is not an understanding man and he would kill you with his bare hands. If you have ever exercised caution in your life, now is the time.a aIave been very cautious since Iave come here to England.a Trevor then shuddered delicately. aDid you say he would kill me with his bare hands? He does have very large hands, doesnat he?a He left the library, his footstep soft as his breath.

14.

aNo, tell me, Phillip, what happened next? Stop teasing me. Tell me.a aVery well. Without so much as flinching or batting an eyelid, Nell ordered him to drop his trousers. Then she marched him in front of her back to camp, naked as the day he was born, and said to the colonel, aThe lout tried to rape me, sir. I trust that you will see him hanged.a She handed the colonel the pistol and pulled the papers the fellow had stolen from her bodice. aIf attacking a defenseless woman isnat enough cause, sir,a she said, aI trust these doc.u.ments detailing the English strategy will settle the matter.a The colonel looked at Nell, then at the naked fellow, and dropped his monocle.a aOh, goodness, that really didnat happen, did it?a aYes, indeed. After that, the colonel gave Nell the rank of corporal. To this day, she marches with the men and is always referred to as Corporal Nell.a Suddenly the laughter fell from her face, leaving it blank. Then fear took over. aHe tried to rape her but she managed to save herself. She did it, Phillip. I wasnat strong enough. I tried, but I couldnat.a He started to take her in his arms, to comfort her, to tell her that he would never let anyone hurt her again. But he knew it wouldnat be the right thing to do. He didnat question why he was so certain, he just accepted that he was. He looked down at his fingernails. aYou know, Sabrina, you donat have to be at a manas mercy.a She raised her face. aWhat do you mean?a aI mean that I can teach you how to fight. If ever again in the future a man tries to hurt you, youall know how to defend yourself. Youall know how to hurt the man.a aThatas truly possible? Youare not just saying that so that I wonat weep about it anymore?a aNo. When youare well again, Iall give you your first lesson.a Her eyes were s.h.i.+ning. aI could kill him if he ever tried to rape me again. I could kill him.a aYes, but think if you didnat kill him, if, instead, you caused him exquisite agony. Then every time he looked at you he would be reminded of the G.o.d-awful pain you inflicted on him. Wouldnat that be a far better punishment than just simple death?a aYes,a she said slowly, her voice more intense than any voice head ever heard. aYes, I want to do it.a And then, she said to herself, aIall go home.a aI heard from another military friend of mind that Corporal Nell quit the army last year. Sheas now the madam of a very fancy bordello in Brussels.a aHow could she do that? She knew what men were like, what they do to women if theyare but given the chance.a aI hear that she and all the other ladies are becoming quite rich off the men. Donat feel sorry for them, Sabrina. Can you imagine any man ever trying to take advantage of a girl who worked for Corporal Nell?a aWell, maybe no, but I still donat like it. I donat think I could ever do something like that.a aNo,a he said, and that was all he said.

He leaned forward then, smiling, and lightly patted her cheek. Instead of drawing back, she said, aYouave had so many adventures, seen so many exciting places. Of course you could have been killed, but still, you werenat, and now you have wonderful memories for the rest of your life.a aTheyare by no means all wonderful, Sabrina. Too many men, brave and loyal men like your father, died and are still dying. Thatas why all wars should be p.r.o.nounced illegal by every government of the world. Can you begin to imagine a world that had no more fighting?a She thought of all the books shead read about the great military leaders in history. She said slowly, smiling just a bit now. aThere wouldnat be as many books written if there werenat wars. Then there wouldnat be any more heroes.a aOh yes, there would. A man doesnat have to kill people to be a hero.a Again, he remembered Scotland; the experience, he knew, had changed the fundamental way he looked at life, and at death.

aPerhaps, but still, youare here and youare real and youave had some adventures that were wonderful. Iave done nothing but ride, attend boring parties, learn how to manage serva”a Her voice disappeared. She looked down at her toes, wiggling beneath the covers.

He said smoothly, aHow very enterprising of you, Sabrina, to be an accomplished horsewoman in London, particularly in Fleet Street.a She had no idea what Fleet Street was. aI would ride in Hyde Park. No one took anything amiss.a aThere is excellent racing there, isnat that true? All along Rotten Row, so many people riding as fast as the wind.a aOh yes, I loved it. Thatas how I became such a good horsewoman.a He just looked at her, shaking his head at himself, not her. If a lady dared to race in Hyde Park, shead be ostracized, but fast. He said then, smiling, aDo you know that Wellington is famed for his strategic retreats?a aNo, but what does that have to do with anything?a aNothing in particular.a He rose. aItas just that right this moment, Iam retreating because I hope to return to win a final victory.a aIt looks to me as if you canat get out of my room fast enough. Have I perhaps routed you?a He stopped at the door. aIam off to get you a bathtub. I think youare strong enough to have a proper bath. What do you say?a She picked up the thick braid that hung lifeless and dull over her shoulder.

aYes, weall wash your hair too. Now, what do you say?a She looked ready to dance. aOh yes, Phillip. I should like that very much. Iam beginning to feel crawly.a aDonat insult me. Iave kept you quite clean.a She paled. She looked away, her lips clamped together.

He cursed under his breath, but she heard it and stared at him. aForgive me, but if I hadnat taken care of you, then I fear you would be a lovely angel in heaven.a aIam sorry, Phillip, truly I am. Itas just that itas so very difficult. Youave been very good to me and you donat even know me.a Head know her better if she just told him who she really was. He nodded and left the bedchamber.

When he returned, two large buckets filled with hot water slung over his arms, Sabrina was sitting up in bed, staring at him as if he were bringing her Christmas presents. He laughed.

aNo, donat leap out of bed just yet. Iave got to fetch the tub.a Three minutes later, steam was rising out of the copper tub. aDo you have soap?a aI wish you wouldnat doubt my scavenging skills.a He lifted a bar of soap and smelled it. aItas jasmine. No, just stay there another moment. We need more water. Youave lots of hair.a After head filled the tub, he turned and paused a moment, watching her unbraid her hair. aWho owns this hunting box?a aWhy, itas Cha”a She looked like she wanted to bite off her own tongue. She began pulling the tangles from her hair, not looking at him now. aOf course I donat know. I told you, Phillip. I live in London. I only visit Yorks.h.i.+re rarely.a He slapped his palm to his forehead. aHow could I be so stupid as to forget that?a He grinned, ignoring the killing look in those incredible eyes of hers, and pulled back the covers. aCome, Sabrina, your bath awaits.a She tucked the dressing gown tightly about her and swung her feet over the side of the bed. He held out his arms, but she ignored him. She stood up and almost immediately fell against him. aOh, my, I canat believe Iam so weak. These were perfectly st.u.r.dy legs; just a week ago, they ran and jumped and danced in the drawing room. Why arenat they working as they should? Itas very unsatisfactory.a He just supported her, then kissed the top of her head.

She didnat notice. aIf you would please just help me to the tub, Phillip, Iall be all right then. You can leave.a aLetas see just how much of your request I can give you.a He picked her up in his arms and carried her to the bathtub. Very slowly, he eased her down at the side of the tub. She looked up at him then, her eyes clear, and said firmly, aThank you. Iall be fine now. You can leave now, Phillip.a aIave no intention of nursing you back to health only to have you drown in a bathtub. Be quiet and hold still.a He held her up with one arm and began to unknot the sash at her waist.

She was trying to keep her balance and slap his hands away at the same time. aPlease, donat. I can see to myself, truly I can.a He knew she was embarra.s.sed. Being unconscious while he cared for her was one thing, but being wide awake, knowing that he was looking at her, well, that was quite another. He sighed deeply. He set her firmly against the side of the tub. aVery well. Iall go see to our dinner. Call me if you get into trouble.a She grasped the edge of the tub, not even trying to move until he was gone. She heard his boots on the stairs. She got the sash unknotted. She shrugged out of the dressing gown. Then she looked at that tub. The rim seemed higher than it had just a moment before. She tried very hard. The third time she very nearly managed to pull herself over the edge of the tub. She gritted her teeth and concentrated all her energies on climbing over the side. It seemed higher than a mountain. Her fingers suddenly slipped on the edge of the tub, and she yelled as she fell backward onto the floor. She was stunned for a moment, then very cold, the wood hard and icy beneath her back. She had to get up, she had to. She could do it. She wasnat helpless. Very well, shead lie here quietly, but just for another moment or two.

She heard him coming but she didnat have the strength to even pull the dressing gown over her. Then two strong arms clasped her about the waist and raised her to her feet.

She wished she were unconscious. She even closed her eyes tightly, praying for oblivion. Naturally oblivion wasnat anywhere near.

aItas all right, Sabrina,a Phillip said, and lifted her into the tub.

The blessed hot water swirled up about her chin as he released her. She didnat look at him, she couldnat. She also knew she was being silly, but she couldnat help it. To the best of her memory, Phillip was the first person to ever see her without her clothes on, at least since she reached ten years and didnat need her nanny anymore.

He said easily as he rolled up his sleeves, aIall wash your hair. Can you wash the rest of you?a She had to think about that. aIall try, but I still donat like this.a aTaking young virgins is not one of my pastimes of choice. Calm yourself and lie still. If you donat have the energy for the rest of you, Iall get to it.a He didnat wait for her to perhaps curse him, which she didnat do well, not having had sufficient models in her young sheltered life. He washed her hair, complaining endlessly a. . . youave got too much hair. Look at all the bald men, youave got enough to cover every bald head in an entire village. There, about done. Now, Iam going to wash the rest of you, then weall rinse everything at once.a She didnat try to fight him. No, she just tried to make herself into a small ball, but even that didnat work. When he soaped the sponge and washed her belly, she yelped. He ignored her, efficiently was.h.i.+ng the rest of her even while she squirmed about. Actually, he was enjoying himself. Laughter was better than l.u.s.t. She was an experience in contortions, not in seduction.

aClose your eyes, Iam going to wash your face.a Her mouth was opening to curse him, very probably, when the soapy sponge rubbed her face. She sputtered and cursed him then. He laughed at the indignant expression in her eyes, the only part of her face that wasnat white with suds.

aHold your breath, under you go.a He pushed her head into the bathwater. She came up, sputtering for breath.

aYou did that on purpose. Youare trying to make me mad so I wonat be embarra.s.sed. Well, itas working, but I want you to know that I realize that youare manipulating me and I donat knowa”a He pushed her head under again.

aNow weave got your hair to deal with.a When all the soap was finally rinsed from her hair, he wound a towel about her head. He thought briefly about how he could save her further embarra.s.sment, but saw that she was exhausted. If he hadnat come quickly to her, she would have slipped down into the water and drowned in the tub.

He picked her up and eased her down in front of the fire, holding her while he toweled her dry. She hung on to him, knowing she had no choice, not really caring now in any case. She just wanted to collapse onto the warm carpet and sleep until spring. But then something very strange happened. One moment she just wanted to sink into herself. The next moment she felt an awareness of him deep within her. Shead never felt anything like this in her entire eighteen years. She was naked and he wasnat, yet he wasnat doing anything hurtful to her. He was strong. His hands were large and steady as he moved the towel over her. He turned her slightly to dry the front of her. Oddly, she wasnat embarra.s.sed. She stared up at him, into those beautiful eyes of his. It wasnat embarra.s.sment that made her shudder when that towel traveled over her belly.

15.

Phillip felt her shuddering, trying to pull away from him, and cursed to himself. Head frightened her. aItas going to be all right. Iam nearly done drying you. Just hold still, Sabrina.a aIam trying,a she said, but then she looked up at him, met his eyes, and knew that if he didnat let her go very quickly she was going to embarra.s.s him and kiss him until she was breathless. Oh, dear, surely she wasnat supposed to ever feel like that. It was because she was still ill, because she was still weak, because she trusted him, at least in this. In what?

Phillip felt a ton of l.u.s.t bearing down on him. No, no, he wasnat about to take advantage of her. Here she was shuddering from fear, from cold, froma”he didnat know what, and he wanted to mount her. He was a b.a.s.t.a.r.d. Without looking at her again, he bundled her up in the dressing gown and carried her to a chair next to the fire.

aItas time for your servant to carry out another duty. Behold your new maid.a He turned away from her before she could reply and pulled the blankets and sheets from the bed.

Sabrina watched him work. He looked nice, despite his wrinkled s.h.i.+rt that was open a goodly way down his chest, a chest that had dark hair on it. She looked into the fireplace. This was better. He wasnat here to make her think stupid things, to make her body feel stupid things. Still, she wondered about those strange feelings low in her belly when head touched her, stupid feelings for all that, feelings a woman didnat need, particularly this woman. She pictured Trevor in her mindas eye. Now, the revulsion shead felt for him, that was what was appropriate to feel. That was safe because it was revolting. Shead just never imagined. Well, now she knew. She shook her head, bemused, and raised her head when he came back to brush her wet hair.

Sabrina slept through the afternoon and awoke near sunset. She lay quietly for some minutes, sniffing in the faint lavender scent of the clean sheets and the faint jasmine scent from her bath. She raised her hand to her hair, carefully arranged about her head. It was dry, all of it, and soft. No more oily braid. Head complained constantly for five minutes, the length of time it took him to get all the tangles out of her wet hair. In fact, she grinned, then laughed. That made her cough.

The cough brought her struggling up to her elbows to catch her breath. She wasnat surprised at all to hear Phillipas booted footsteps on the stairs.

aDrink this, Sabrina. Itas got honey in it. Iave kept it warm for you, just in case. It will soothe your throat. Slowly now. Thatas right.a It was strong hot tea. The honey in it made it slide down her throat.

She lay back against the pillow and gave him a brooding look. aI think that girl must have been mad.a Phillip placed the teacup on the night table and sat on the bed beside her. In an unconscious gesture, he smoothed a lock of auburn hair from her forehead.

aWhat girl? Any girl I know?a aThe girl you were once engaged to, the girl you mentioned when you were trying to pry me open yesterday, and her name slipped out of your mouth, and then I had you.a aActually, she wasnat mad, but perhaps she is now. Who knows? One can only pray.a aWhat was she?a aShe wasnat honorable. Do you understand that?a aAll I know is that if I made a promise to someone, I would stick to it unless someone was torturing me too much for me to bear.a aYes, thatas exactly how I feel about honor.a aYou donat still pine for her, do you, Phillip?a aPine? What a foolish word. No, I rarely even think about her now. Itas just that sheas in London so I still see her and remember. Perhaps the memories are good to have. They keep perspective. They discourage acting before thinking things through thoroughly. Just why do you think her mad?a aItas obvious. With you about, Phillip, she would have been able to make so many economies. She would hardly have required more than one servant.a aI am rather a good servant, arenat I? Throughout my life Iave done bits and pieces of things, but never so much in so little an amount of time. Actually, truth be told, Iam relieved that I was able to make food that we could digest. I have only one major failure.a aOh no, surely not. Even the flat bread that you didnat mean to be flat was still all right. Come, what is this major failure? Come, tell me. Iam sure I can talk you out of it.a aYou donat trust me. Iave done everything I can think of, used every argument that came to mind, but it does no good. You donat trust me. Iave told you stories that have spanned my twenty-six years, but the recounting left you unmoved. You still donat trust me. You havenat told me anything that would enable me to help you. Now, you are a good liar. With a few more years, you should be nearly as good as I am. But lies arenat what are needed here.a Shead made one stupid remark about that Elaine person and just look where it had gotten her. A sermon about trust. Well, curse it and curse him. She smoothed the green coverlet over her lap and stared at the bedposts.

Shead closed down again. Well, d.a.m.n. He felt a surge of anger and savored it. aYou must know,a he said now, his voice turning hard, athat the servants who care for this house will be able to return any day now. The weather has warmed and the snow is melting. If Iam to help you return safely to your familya”wherever they may livea”you will have to make a clean breast of it. Was Diablo your horse, Sabrina? Did you grandfather shoot him?a Her head snapped around so fast, he nearly laughed. But he didnat, just gave her that hard-eyed stare. aHow do you know about Diablo? I was only ten years old. My sister took him without my knowing of it and crammed him over a fence.a The memory swamped her. She felt her throat closing. It had been eight years ago.

aWhat happened?a aHe broke his leg on the landing. He had to be put down. How did you know about Diablo?a aYou were delirious in your fever. You cried out about him.a He read the fear on her face and he wanted to shake her. aDid I speak of anything else?a aTrevor.a aYes, Trevor,a she repeated and turned away from him.

Phillip wanted to shake her but he couldnat. When she was well enough to shake but good, it would be too late. He rose and looked down at her. aIf you donat tell me the truth, if you donat arm me with the facts I need to protect you, then you reduce me to nothing. Listen to me. No matter what happened, I can help you, if youall but tell me the truth.a aWhat happened to me has nothing to do with you, Phillip. Iam nearly well. By tomorrow morning I should be completely fit. It you would take me to Borhamwood, to the posting house, you need never see me again.a aI canat do that, Sabrina, and you must know that I canat. Youare a young lady. Youare eighteen years old. I canat a.s.sist you to escape from your family and put you on a common stage to London. You cannot begin to imagine the sort of man you could meet on that stage. No, I would never do that. Forget it, and tell me the truth.a He would bend, but he wouldnat break. Head drawn the line across the path. She didnat look at him, just shook her head. After he left her to go to the kitchen to make their dinner, she thought long and hard about her plan. It hadnat been fair to involve him even in that. No, she couldnat very well expect an honorable man to put her on a stage bound for London.

Phillip appeared thoughtful during the evening. He didnat say much, but she knew he was aware of her, aware of how many bites of his stew shead eaten, how many mouthfuls of bread shead chewed. She knew he was worried about her. For a moment she felt uncertain. Then she thought about the hideous chaos that would await her at Monmouth Abbey were she to allow him to take her back there. It was all she could do not to shudder.

aYou told me you were visiting friends here in Yorks.h.i.+re,a she said, hating the interminable silence, for it wasnat a comfortable silence, a companionable silence.

aYes, thatas what I told you.a aWho is this friend?a He was looking down at his filthy Hessians. He said without looking up, aUndoubtedly heas a friend of yoursa”Sir Charles Askbridge.a Charlie. She had to keep calm, act all sorts of ignorant and indifferent. She smiled. aMayhap that name is a bit familiar to me.a He didnat pretend boredom now. aAs you well know, Sabrina, Charlesas Yorks.h.i.+re home is called Moreland. Even though the directions he provided me led me into Eppingham Forest and thus to find you, I would wager that Moreland isnat too far distant from here.a Moreland was no more than seven miles distant. Charlie loved to hunt in the forest since head been a boy. And he knew Phillip. How very close Phillip had been to his destination. She shrugged and pretended to study her fingernails.

aI imagine that you quite like Charles. Everyone does. What do you think of his younger sister, Margaret? Sheas not much older than you are.a Margaret was twenty, just between Sabrina and Elizabeth. She shook her head and stared at him with a vacant expression. He was angry, but he held it in very well. She was impressed. aYou were riding by yourself. Isnat that unusual for a viscount?a aI left my incredible retinue of servants in Leeds. I struck out on my own, feeling brave and ready for adventure. Instead look what I got myself into. Would you like the rest of my traveling details? Of course you would. I imagine you are aware of the rounds of Christmas parties held outside of London at this time of year. Even though you look blank as a schoolboyas slate, I know that you do. Donat get me wrong. Youare an excellent actress. Itas just that Iave come to know you very well. In any case, Charles invited me to Moreland and gave me directions that led me to this isolated place. I had sent my valet ahead. I had this romantic notion about becoming one with nature. What rot. So you see, Sabrina, it is probable that both Charles and your family are now out looking for us.a He added, his voice so serious she again nearly spilled her innards, aIt canat be longer than a day now, two at the most before they find us.a She knew that he was right, but held her tongue. At last she had an idea. She yawned and stretched. aYour delicious dinner has lulled my stomach and now my head. I think Iad like to sleep now.a She yawned again and snuggled down under the covers.

aThank the good Lord I was never burdened with a sister.a He looked heavenward, then back down at her. His eyes were bleak. aThereas a world waiting outside this room, Sabrina. I would that you think about that.a He leaned over and patted her on the cheek. aGood night. Sleep well.a She wanted to thank him, but she couldnat, not now. aGood night, Phillip.a She closed her eyes and turned her head away.

Phillip blew out the candle and walked from her room to a bedchamber down the hall. Since she no longer needed his constant attention during the night, he had begun the previous night to sleep in another room, in a lumpy bed that was marginally more comfortable than the cramped chair in Sabrinaas room.

Sabrina lay quietly in the darkened room reviewing her plan. With the snow melting, her grandfathera”no matter what he thought of her nowa”would have an army of men out searching for her. Even if her grandfather believed her dead, he would search. She couldnat begin to envision the b.l.o.o.d.y battleground at Monmouth Abbey if she were found and returned to him. He was too old and frail for that. She knew that there would be no way to keep the truth from hima”Elizabethas betrayal of her and Trevoras attempted rapea”it would all come out. She wouldnat bring such bitter disillusion to her grandfather. She wouldnat destroy all his plans and hopes. She wondered if Trevor truly would try to kill him if she returned. She didnat know. She couldnat afford to find out.

She could never go home. No, she wouldnat cry. It wouldnat help, it would solve naught. She thought of her plan. It was simple and straightforward. So who cared if she was still a bit weak? Not all that weak, surely, not too weak to walk just a bit and ride just a bit. No, she could do that.

She slipped quietly from her bed, lit the candle on the night table, and padded on bare feet to the small desk near the fireplace. She found a pen and several sc.r.a.ps of paper and quickly wrote the lines shead silently rehea.r.s.ed for the past two hours. She felt sadness when she closed her note, a. . . please forgive me, Phillip, but I cannot stay here any longer. I thank you for saving my life. Now I must take care of myself.a Her fingers paused, and then she quickly added, aIall never forget you. Sabrina.a She decided shead write to her grandfather once she reached London.