Part 10 (2/2)
”Relax, would you?” I said. ”I'm getting myself a gla.s.s of wine.”
”Don't you think you've had enough to drink?”
”No, actually, I don't. Want some?” I cut through the TV room and back to the laundry room to score another bottle from the stash.
”No,” Lucy countered, tossing her briefcase onto the couch. It landed right next to Vince's jacket and tie. ”Oh look. Your friend, whom you're not sleeping with, left his clothes.”
”Yeah, great, I'll get them back to him. It'll give me an excuse to go up to his place and not f.u.c.k him there.”
”This is no joke, Tina!”
”Lucy, if you want to sell this place, we have to get by the co-op board,” I said, returning with the fresh bottle. ”And they can stop a sale if they feel like it, and right now that is how they feel, they don't like us. Oh wait! One of them likes us-Vince likes me.”
”He wants to have s.e.x with you. It's not quite the same thing.”
”For most people it's close enough. And if you had s.e.x on a regular basis, you might know things like that.”
”Thank you for once again elevating the conversation. Really, it's terrific having you around to put things in perspective.” Lucy stood there in her tight gray suit, not even looking at me, her thumbs moving restlessly through the air above her ever-present BlackBerry, and I knew that nothing I said, sensible or otherwise, would make an impression.
”Look, is there a reason you're here?” I said. ”Is there some dazzling legal maneuver you're about to pull, or did you just stop by to make me feel s.h.i.+tty?”
Lucy paused for a good long time before deigning to answer. She kept reading her BlackBerry, then decided she was done with that, pocketed it, and reached for her briefcase before glancing in my direction. ”Well, let me just tell you this much: we don't have to worry about the co-op board for now,” she finally said. She snapped open the clasps on her briefcase, flipped the cover up, and reached inside for a crisp manila envelope, which she tossed onto the coffee table. I could tell by the way it hit the wood that it contained freshly minted doc.u.ments.
”What's that?” I said, feigning indifference. I was pretty sure it was something big, but she was really working my nerves so I thought I'd return the favor.
”You can read, right? I mean, you did acquire that skill before you dropped out of college to run off with some loser, didn't you?”
”Yes, I can read, but since I'm stupid it takes me a real long time. Maybe you could just summarize in ten words or less and tell me what I'm supposed to get myself all upset about today.”
”We have a court date.”
”A court date for what?”
”The Drinans are objecting to the will.”
”Well, what does that mean?”
”They're claiming that their father was mentally incapacitated when the will was executed and that Mom used undue influence, and that we came into possession illegally, so they're suing for damages.”
”Well, they are damaged, but whose fault is that? Not mine.”
”They're suing you for it. And they're suing me, and they're suing Daniel and Alison to the tune of twenty million dollars.”
”Come on.”
”You asked me to summarize.”
This sounded so bizarre I couldn't believe it. I decided it might be smart to take a look at the doc.u.ments myself, so I opened the envelope. Lucy went back to making love to her BlackBerry.
”There's a preliminary hearing in Surrogate's Court on December seventh,” she said. ”That's three months from now. It's unheard of to get a date set that quickly, so they're clearly pulling strings. They also went judge shopping-we're scheduled to be heard by the one judge who thinks she can do whatever she feels like with the law. The one who's a cop, he probably had enough clout in the legal system to put this where they wanted it. The other one is some sort of princ.i.p.al at the Dalton School, so he knows absolutely everybody. In any case, they pulled strings.”
I paged through the papers in front of me and tried to make sense of them. They seemed utterly incomprehensible, and for a moment I thought, Maybe Lucy's right, maybe I never really did learn to read properly.
”They're suing us-like suing us, for money?”
”That's a separate action, they're just trying to scare us. They want us to make a counteroffer.”
”What kind of counteroffer?”
”Well, let's see, what do they want? The apartment! I think if we offered them the apartment, this would all go away.”
”What if the judge gives them the apartment?”
”We're not going to let that happen.”
”But they're suing us? So we could lose the apartment, and then if they win the lawsuit we'll have to pay them money too?”
”You're not going to have to worry about that, though, are you, Tina, because you are completely without resources. Isn't that right? Do you have any money left from the stash you found in Bill's wallet?”
”Some,” I admitted.
”How much?”
”Maybe a hundred?”
”You're going to have to come up with some more and buy some decent clothes. And I do mean decent, none of this boho-loser-chic stuff you think is so cool. A skirt and a blouse and sensible shoes. Something good and ugly. You're going to have to stop dressing like a s.l.u.t.”
”Anything else, mein fuhrer?”
”When there is, I'll let you know.” She picked up her briefcase and looked at me, sprawled on the couch, winegla.s.s in hand, watching her with my best sullen disregard.
”Before you take off, can you at least tell me who my lawyer is? You said you were going to replace that nice Egg Man. Did that happen?”
”We have a new and very good lawyer, yes. His name is Ira Grossman, he's very experienced in these kinds of litigious inheritance situations.”
”Can I call him?”
”No, you can't call him! Every time you call him it costs a hundred dollars, which you don't have!”
”Yeah but-”
”Tina, please, I don't have time to hold your hand on every single thing. If you have questions about your legal status in this situation, read the pleadings.”
”I can't understand this s.h.i.+t!”
”No? Then I guess you're going to have to rely on me and Daniel and Alison to tell you what to do. Get that s.h.i.+t off the door, buy some decent clothes, and keep this place clean. Oh, and tell that guy to come down here and get rid of the moss. Sotheby's has agreed to represent the apartment as a historic property, and no one is going to understand a roomful of moss when they start to show the place.”
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