Part 18 (1/2)

Here was a parliamentary entanglement that occupied an hour; but the ”Colonel” settled it at last, by reminding the president ”that it was _two_ negatives that made one affirmative--not one;” and the Squire said ”so he believed he had seen it laid down inter the books.”

But I cannot attempt to report the proceedings of this miscellaneous body.

The business occupied some four or five hours, and was finally brought to a close. A new school board was elected, and your humble servant was one of the number; positively the first office that was ever visited upon him.

The great question with two of the members of our board, in hiring a teacher, was the price. Qualification was secondary. The first application was made by a long-armed, red-necked, fiery-headed youth of about nineteen years, who had managed to run himself up into the world about six feet two inches, and who had not worn off his flesh by hard study, and who carried about him digestive organs as strong as the bowels of a thras.h.i.+ng-machine.

He ”wanted a school, 'cause he had nothing else to do in the winter months.”

He was accordingly introduced to our School Inspectors; the only one of whom I knew was Bates. The other two were rather more frightened at the presentation than the applicant himself.

Bates proposed first to try the gentleman in geography and history.

”Where's Bunker Hill?” inquired Bates, authoritatively.

”Wal, 'bout that,” said Strickett--our applicant called his name Izabel Strickett--”'bout that, why, it's where the battle was fit, warn't it?”

”Jes so,” replied Bates; ”and where was that?”

”Down at the east'ard.”

”Who did the fightin' there?”

”Gin'rul Was.h.i.+ngton fit all the revolution.”

”Where's Spain?”

”Where?” repeated Strickett--”Spain? where is it?”

”Yes! where?”

[Ill.u.s.tration: JIM BUZZARD AND THE AGER.

”Them 'ere doctors don't get any of their stuff down my throat. If I can't stand it as long as the _ager_, then I'll give in.”--Page 186.]

”Wal, now,” exclaimed Strickett, looking steadily on the floor, ”I'll be darn'd if that ere hain't just slipped my mind.”

”Where's Turkey?”

”O, yes,” said Strickett, ”Turkey--the place they _call_ Turkey--if you'd ask'd me in the street, I'd told you right off, but I've got so fruster'd I don't know nothin';” and thinking a moment, he exclaimed, ”it's where the Turks live. I thought I know'd.”

”How many States are there in the Union?”

”'Tween twenty-live and thirty--throwin' out Canady.”

Bates then attempted an examination in reading and spelling. ”Spell hos!”

said Bates.

”H--o--s.”

”Thunder!” roared Bates. Bates _did_ know how to spell horse. He had seen notices of stray horses, and a horse was the most conspicuous object in Puddleford, excepting, of course, Squire Longbow. ”H--o--s! that's a hos-of-a-way to spell hos!” and Bates looked at Strickett very severely, feeling a pride of his own knowledge.

Strickett said ”he us'd the book when he teach'd school--he didn't teach out of his head--and he didn't believe the 'spectors themselves could spell Ompompanoosuck right off, without getting stuck.”