Part 9 (1/2)
The reader must not suppose that this band was a mere congregation of boys.
Not by any means; it was one of the inst.i.tutions of the country--one of the public amus.e.m.e.nts of the day, and was patronized by young and old. Men had lived and died members of the Calathumpian Band, and are remembered in Puddleford for this, if nothing else.
It is said that the songs and the amus.e.m.e.nts of a people determine their character. If this be true, the reader can judge something of the country population about Puddleford from the little sketch I have given of them.
The amus.e.m.e.nts of the villagers themselves were quite miscellaneous. The ”aristocracy,” as Bird & Co. termed them, gathered every night at the Eagle, where they played cards, checkers, backgammon, made bets, discussed the affairs of the nation and the private affairs of their neighbors, drank a little whiskey, and went home at eleven or twelve o'clock deeply impressed with their own importance. Bulliphant's bar-room was their centre of gravity, and it was a matter of deep concern, if any member of the club was not found in his accustomed place. Longbow, Turtle, and Bates had actually unseated several pairs of pantaloons on the landlord's chairs, which proved clearly enough that _they_ were faithful members.
Important business was transacted by this club. It made all the justices of the peace, constables, school inspectors, &c., &c., and was a controlling clique, in all political matters, within the towns.h.i.+p.
The reader discerns that Puddleford, in most respects, was like other places. It had its divisions in society, its importance, its pomp and show, and relatively speaking, its aristocracy. It played through the same farce in a small way that larger places do on a more extended plan. Longbow felt just as omnipotent, walking up and down the streets of Puddleford, as the tallest grandee treading a city pavement. The scale of greatness was not as long in his village, but he stood as high on it as any other man in the world on his--and so long as he headed his own scale, it mattered but little to him where the ”rest of mankind” were.
It must have been a very remarkable character who once said, ”human nature is always the same”--that the only difference in human pride and folly is one of degree. And I really hope there are none of my readers who feel disposed to look down upon Puddleford with contempt, because I have presented a few personages who have innocently caricatured what others daily practise, who have been polished in the very laboratory of fas.h.i.+on.
Puddleford ought not, for that reason, to be condemned.
It seems to me that it may, on the contrary, be a lesson to such, _because_ it makes a burlesque of itself in chasing folly. Puddleford is a great looking-gla.s.s, which reflects the faces of almost every person who looks into it, and proves, what that remarkable character said, ”that human nature is always the same.”
CHAPTER VIII.
Puddleford and Politics.--Higgins against Wiggins.--The Candidates' Personale.--Their Platforms.--Delicate Questions.--Stump Speaking.--Wiggins on Higgins.--Impertinent Interruptions.--Higgins on Wiggins.--Ike Turtle not dead yet.--Commotion.--Squire Longbow restores Order.--Grand Stroke of Policy.--The Roast Ox at Gillett's Corners.
Puddleford was famous for its political excitements, and so indeed is a new country generally. Its people watched the altar of liberty with an ”eternal vigilance.” The qualifications of all persons, from a candidate for the presidency down to towns.h.i.+p constable, were thoroughly canva.s.sed by the electors. What might be a qualification for office in Puddleford, might disqualify in another region, but we cannot expect that all men will think alike. We must not forget that office meant something in Puddleford--that it conferred honor on the man, whether the man conferred honor on it or not. A highway commissioner, or overseer of the poor, was a character looked up to, and a supervisor or justice were the oracles of their neighborhood.
The merits and demerits of candidates were freely discussed at public meetings, held most usually in the open air, and composed of all parties.
Aspirants for public favor, who were opposed to each other, met and made and answered arguments. All things in the ”heavens above and the earth beneath,” were raked up and presented at these gatherings. The creation of the world--Adam and Eve--Cain--Jerusalem--Greece and Rome--the revolution, and the last war, were dragged into speeches, and made material for electioneering.
In the fall, subsequently to my settlement, Higgins ran against Wiggins for member of the legislature. It was said that this was one of the most exciting contests that Puddleford ever experienced. Every man, woman, and child were enlisted. The ”Higgins” men didn't speak to the ”Wiggins” men, nor the ”Wiggins” men to the ”Higgins” men, for more than two months, and the opposing families absolutely refused to visit.
Wiggins was a little, waspish man, who lived in the country, and was called a ”forehanded” farmer. He had been a justice of the peace in Cattaraugus county, State of New York, and thought as much of himself as he did of any other person living. He had a small, withered face, which looked like a frost-bitten apple, red hair, and a quick, restless eye. He was a violent politician, a shrewd manager, had a keen insight of human nature, some humor; and was and always had been a red-hot democrat. He rafted lumber for several years on the Susquehanna, where he received the greater part of his education. He could write his name, and had been known to attempt a letter, but no one was ever yet found who could read his correspondence. His orthography was decidedly bad. He spelled in a sort of short-hand way, which was not so objectionable, after all, as his language usually conveyed the p.r.o.nunciation of the words intended. ”Il” was used for ”ile” or ”oil;”
”hos” stood for ”horse;” ”kanderdit for ofis,” for ”candidate for office,”
and so on. His extemporaneous speaking was quite tolerable, and it was this gift which _had_ given him notoriety.
Higgins was a man much after the sort of Wiggins, in many respects, though not altogether. He was a violent whig, and talked incessantly about his ”glorious party.” He was a large, tall, broad-breasted fellow, ignorant, cunning, and cut something of a swagger wherever he went. He drank whiskey, chewed a paper of fine-cut every day, read the newspapers, cursed the locofocos, prognosticated the downfall of the country, and pledged himself to die game, let what would happen.
These candidates for office had a ”platform,” a part of which was intended for Puddleford, and a part for their common country--some planks of which were thrown in merely to catch votes, and some for future fame. Wiggins said he was for ”giving immortal man full swing inter all things, and letting his natur fly loose like the winds.” He was ”for driving the American eagle inter every land, whether she'd go or not.” He was ”for a railroad and ca.n.a.l straight thro' Puddleford, to be built by the state, under the penalty of a revolution.” He was ”agin rich men everywhere, for they trampled down the poor.” He was ”for upsetting Longbow and his clique, and declared he would bring in a bill, if elected, that would blow the whole set out of sight.” He was for ”easy times,” ”plenty of cash,” ”little or no work,” ”good crops,” and everything else the people wanted.
Higgins was for ”breaking down, and scat'ring locofocos everywhere.” He went ”for everything that's right, and agin everything that's wrong.” He was for ”beating Wiggins.” He could ”show that he hadn't patriotism enough to keep the breath warm in a four year old child! there warn't a spark of American glory in him. He wanted to sell out the whole country to the British, and would if elected! Besides, he kicked up a fuss in Bigelow's church, about the doctrines preached, and damaged religion.” Higgins, it seemed to me, based his success upon the supposed unpopularity of Wiggins, and not upon any political principles of his own, while Wiggins relied upon the great fundamental truths that were shadowed forth in his platform.
There were other questions which agitated the populace of Puddleford and its county, such as the sale of liquor, the removal of the Indians, &c., &c., which both Higgins and Wiggins touched very tenderly, because it became necessary to advocate both sides, sometimes for and sometimes against, according to the views of those persons who happened at the time to be soliciting information.
During the fall, I had the pleasure of hearing these two rival aspirants for office define their position before the people. The gathering was in a grove, very large for a new country, and made up of men, women, and children. Flags and inscriptions were flying here and there, some for Higgins and some for Wiggins, and every person was as brimful of patriotism as he could hold.
Wiggins rose, and presented himself on a high platform that had been erected for the occasion, pulled up his collar, b.u.t.toned his coat, coughed a few times, and then took a leisurely survey of the crowd. ”Feller citizens! men and women!” said he, ”there is going to be an election, and I'm a-goin to run for office. Not that I care anything about the office itself, for I don't, a tinker's ladle, but I want to beat Higgins, who never ought to be trusted with the liberties of any people, and I'm willing to sacrifice something to do it. Feller citizens! I want to have you recollect where Higgins lives--at 'Satan's Half Acre!'--where they don't have any Fourth of July; no Sunday school, only about two months a year; and the same place, feller citizens, where they mobbed the temperance lecturer, and swore they'd drink streak-lightning if they were a-min-to!
(Great applause, and cheers for Wiggins, mingled with oaths and hisses from Higgins' friends.) Feller citizens, Higgins is a leading man there, and accountable for all this; and if he is elected, we shall indorse all these doings.”--A man from the ”Half Acre,” one of Higgins' friends, rose, and said he'd take the liberty of saying that was an ”in_far_nal lie.” Wiggins replied, by inquiring ”if the meeting would see free discussion gagged down, here, in the presence of the immortal Was.h.i.+ngton, who, he hoped, was looking down on-to us!” whereupon the unfortunate man was pitched, headlong, out of the crowd. ”Arter having looked at where Higgins lives,”
continued Wiggins, ”look at Higgins himself! what is he? what does he know?
what can he do? Why, feller citizens, he was born down somewhere in a place so small, that it ain't on the map, and started life by tending a lime-kiln; but he broke down in this business, and was discharged. He next tried to go to school, but there warn't any cla.s.s low down enough to get him into. He then tried hoss doct'ring; and you, feller citizens, know when a man turns out good-for-nothing, he goes rite into the larned professions. He tried hoss doct'ring! and, after laying out ten or a dozen of those n.o.ble animals inter the cold embrace of death (applause), he ran away to get rid of a summons that was clus arter him! Then he fiddled for a while winters, and laid off summers; then he druv stage, then he got-tor-be captain of a raft, his first office; but he stranded her, and she's never been got off yet. At last, he went to 'Satan's Half Acre,' where he thinks he ain't known, and actually, feller citizens, has the impudence to come up for office. (Great applause.)