Part 12 (2/2)

”What did you tell her?” Kevin asked.

”I told her I didn't know,” Sara said. ”Because I don't.”

Kevin was silent after this, leaving an uncomfortable pause lying on the table right next to the fragrant appetizers and bourbon drinks. Sara squirmed under the crus.h.i.+ng weight of the silence.

”Kevin, why did you ask me to meet you today?” she asked, unable to avoid the elephant in the room any longer. Her eyes flashed, begging him to just rip the band-aid off the unanswered questions holding their marriage together by a thread. He took in a deep breath before letting it out.

”I was talking about divorce this weekend,” he began. ”I didn't think Megan could hear me when I was on the phone. Did she tell you anything else?” he asked.

”No,” Sara said. ”Were you talking to your mother?”

For just a moment, Sara was hopeful. He shook his head. Sara held very still. ”Was it a woman?” He nodded. His confirmation was a punch to her gut, and she let out the breath she hadn't realized she was holding. She wanted to leave, picking up her purse to get ready to flee. But when he reached for her hand to stop her from going, she didn't fight him. ”Do you love her?” she asked him.

”I barely know her,” he said. She could see the truth in his face, and understood there would be no lies at this table. ”Sara, she asked me if I was going to divorce you. I had just started seeing her. I wanted to know what it was like to be with someone else, and she wanted to know if I was serious about her.”

”What did you tell her?” Sara asked.

”I told her I didn't know if I was going to divorce you,” he said. The words lingered between the two of them.

”You don't know?” Sara asked. He shook his head with a small smile. ”So what about her?”

”Well, that's about when she told me not to call her until I had signed divorce papers.”

Sara stared at his face, studying the emotions there. It had been a long time since she'd known what he was thinking. Her eyes began to fill with tears. ”Is that why we're here? You want me to sign them so we can move on?”

”Sara!” Kevin was incredulous. ”Are you even listening to a word I'm saying?” He heaved a huge sigh and threw caution to the wind. ”Honey, I miss you. I miss us. I miss us being a whole family. I want to come home. That is...if you'll have me.” Sara was dumbfounded.

”But you said you didn't love me anymore.”

”I didn't know what I wanted, Sara. My mind was so muddy from being overworked that I couldn't see what I was throwing away. All this time I was blaming you for not giving me the attention I wanted that I couldn't see how much you were doing already.” He chuckled in embarra.s.sment. ”Taking care of those girls is really hard work!”

”Right? They'll suck the life right out of you,” she laughed. Sara's heart warmed at the acknowledgement.

”But they're so dang smart, and fun! I realized I had been letting all the parenting fall on your shoulders, and I was actually missing out on them growing up. These past few months I've been forced to stop focusing on all my stuff when they're around, and it's been really eye-opening.” He took Sara's hand in his. ”Sara, if you'll have me back, I promise to be around more. And not just physically. When I'm at the house, I promise to be your partner in life, and not just someone who lives there.”

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Of all the scenarios that had played through her head, this was one she never thought of. She'd been so sure he was going to start making arrangements for the divorce, to discuss lawyers and paperwork, to rip her heart out of her chest and crush it with the bottom of his shoe. And here he was, wanting her back, wanting to be a family. A brief glimpse of the other night with John burst into her mind.

”Oh G.o.d,” she said, pulling her hand away from Kevin's grasp.

”What is it?” he asked in alarm. ”Is it me? Are you saying no?”

”No,” she said. She saw Kevin's face fall, and she rushed to correct herself. ”No, I mean I'm not saying 'no.' Oh Kevin, I did something. I did something really awful.”

”Did you sleep with someone?” he asked her, guessing on the very first try. She nodded, fearful tears filling her eyes.

”But it was just once, and it wasn't planned,” she swore.

He thought for a moment. ”Do you care for him?”

”No. I mean, not like that. It was a total accident, and we decided it wasn't ever going to happen again,” she insisted.

I caught just a flash of Kevin's thoughts in that moment. John's face appeared in his head, and he brushed it away as soon as it came. He knew it was him. He was the only man Sara was even close enough to become intimate with. Kevin knew she wasn't like him. She wouldn't have been able to sleep with just anyone unlike he had with the first person who showed interest in him.

He took her hand back in his.

”I don't want to know anymore. It doesn't matter. None of it matters. The only thing that's important is if you'll take me back.” Sara didn't say anything, afraid to answer, afraid of what he was asking, afraid that it could mean she would be trapped in a pa.s.sionless marriage, afraid that he would walk out of the restaurant and never come back. ”Sara, do I need to get on my knees and beg you? Because I will if I have to,” he promised. He started to get up.

”No, stop!” she said, laughing. ”You've just caught me off guard.”

”Does that mean you need time to decide? Or is your mind already made up?” he asked her.

”I'm just afraid,” she admitted. ”What if it doesn't work? What if we're fooling ourselves into being trapped in a miserable situation?”

”Thing is, Sara, being miserable without you is way worse than being miserable with you,” he told her.

”Well, that's rea.s.suring,” she laughed. ”I'm being serious.”

”I am too. And if things get rocky, we fix it before it gets worse. We go to counseling. We read all those self-help books by your bed. We talk it out. h.e.l.l, I'll even go to church if I have to. I just don't want to be without you,” he pleaded. When she still didn't answer right away, he slid off his chair onto one knee before she realized what he was doing.

”Sara Marie Ashby Ferguson. Will you do me the immense honor of being my wife?” he said, his voice carrying through the whole restaurant. Sara reddened as she felt hundreds of eyes turning to look in her direction.

”Oh my goodness, he's proposing!” she heard a woman gush at a table behind her.

”We're already married,” Sara said to the woman. ”We're already married, Kevin,” she repeated to him. ”Get up off the ground, you're embarra.s.sing yourself.”

”I'm not embarra.s.sed,” Kevin said with a grin. ”In fact, I'm quite enjoying this.”

”Then you're embarra.s.sing me,” she hissed.

”Will you?” he asked. ”I'm not getting up until you give me an answer.”

The rest of the restaurant was quiet as they all waited for Sara to say something, the only sound being the occasional whisper and the clink of a fork on porcelain. She glared down at him as he continued to hold her hand tight. He smiled in encouragement when a little smile crept onto her face. She thought about how absurd the situation was, Kevin bent on one knee and both of them the center of attention. At last, she nodded. The whole restaurant erupted in applause as he got up and pulled her up in a huge embrace.

”You won't regret this, Sara,” he whispered in her ear. ”I'll spend my whole life making sure of it.”

Twenty-two.

It had been several months since John had last seen Sara, and he still couldn't get her out of his mind. He had tried, putting all of his energy into unpacking the house and making it a home, as well as diving headfirst into work. With the summer weather extending into fall, work had been steady enough that he was always busy. His contractor had secured a project for a new subdivision in South San Francisco, taking one of the rare rural areas and building high-priced homes on it. Many days he didn't see his own home except in the glow of streetlights, spending all his daylight hours working on someone else's house under the October sun.

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