Part 5 (1/2)

”Yes, everything is fine, although you sound as if you have a cold. Is that why you're home? I called your office and they said you had left.”

”No, just recovering from a crying jag. So what's up?”

”No, no, you first,” her mother said. ”Jackson, what's the matter? I knew I should call you today, I just knew it.” The light voice sounded a good deal closer than the other side of the planet and it soothed Jackie's ragged nerves.

”I had a fight with the general partner. I think I'm going to get fired.” She filled her mother in with every detail and felt gratified by her mother's supportive and righteous indignation. She didn't want to tell her mother - not yet - about the other problem. Leah's voice whispering, It's like this between women...

”Well, dear, it seems to me that the best way to avoid being fired is to find another job first.”

”Where would I start?” Jackie stretched out on the sofa bed.

”How should I know? There's always the Yellow Pages.”

”Wait, I know! I'll start with the firm the client mentioned today. Neighborhood Design and Aesthetics. Someone there thinks like me.”

”A promising name for someone who won an award for her community neighborhood plan, remember?”

”Yeah, thanks for reminding me I'm not a worthless slug.” Jackie was smiling again.

”Better now?”

”Better. Thanks, Mom. Your intuition remains amazing.”

”All in a day's work, Jacks.”

”So why did you call?”

”I'm going to be in Dallas in the first part of January. I don't suppose there's any way you could fly in over the weekend? I'll arrange for your ticket. It'll make up for not being able to see you at Christmas. I'm so sorry about that.”

”Don't beat yourself up about it. I understand Dad's commitments. But I'd love to see you in January, that would be great. It's about a three-hour flight from here, easy to do even if I don't have any time off. Of course, if I'm not working, I'll have all the time in the world.” Something in her heart eased knowing she'd be able to see her mother face to face. She could talk to her about Leah.

”Tell you what. You make your flight arrangements as soon as you know what you can do. Take my American Express number. Charge the ticket to that.” Jackie wrote it down. I'll call you next Thursday and get your itinerary.”

They talked for a few more minutes and Jackie felt enormously better after her mother had hung up. Her sinuses were almost normal again and her headache had faded away. She felt better than she had since the weekend - since Leah.

She groaned and rolled over. Why did she go on remembering? She dreaded seeing Parker again. She was afraid that when he touched her she'd think of Leah. If not of Leah, then of women. She knew he wasn't the life partner she'd dreamed of finding. She was feeling s.e.xual desires he'd never satisfy - that he'd never try to satisfy. You'll imagine my mouth on you and wonder what it would have felt like.

She wondered, oh how she wondered. Like she'd never wondered before. How could she know she wanted something she'd never had? And it wasn't just wanting it, it was wanting to do it. Her head filled over and over again with visions of Leah's kitchen. This time it was Leah with her back against the counter, Leah with her legs opening...

She covered her head with a pillow. d.a.m.n it, d.a.m.n it, she thought. It would have been okay to realize she needed to break with Parker. That wouldn't have been nearly as hard as realizing she should reconsider her every a.s.sumption about pa.s.sion, about s.e.x, about what made her libido tick.

She tried to shut her eyes against thinking about how Leah had made her body feel, but it didn't work. It had been an enormous surge of pa.s.sion, like nothing she had felt before1 - the thrill of creating new designs, skiing a challenging run of fresh powder, helicopter flights. They all paled in comparison to the way Leah's fingers had felt taking her.

She'd realized too late that she would have happily stayed with Leah. Forgotten about her job, her family. Stayed and made love. You'll imagine my mouth on you...

When she could think past the promise of pa.s.sion, she could feel the pull of comfort. It had felt right to be in the company of a woman. The ease was something she hadn't felt since graduate school. She'd shared her living quarters with Kelly Baines for all three years. Neither of them had dated much - school hadn't left much energy. They'd studied together, worked in Taliesin's communal kitchens together and had called each other best friend. Or had it been more than that? With neither of them knowing enough to reach across the small gap between their beds in the winter, their cots in the summer.

Kelly and she had both taken apprentices.h.i.+ps in Boston but at different firms. Jackie had had another choice, but going to Boston with Kelly had been the only option she'd considered. When she started dating Parker, Kelly became distant. They'd never had a fight, but Kelly's simmering, unspoken resentment of Parker had pushed Jackie to agree to move in with him. When she'd met Kelly for coffee to tell her she was moving to California, Kelly hadn't seemed to care and nonetheless had seemed real p.i.s.sed about it.

She threw the pillow across the room and sat up. This endless revisioning of everything she'd done in her entire life wasn't getting her anywhere. Her headache was coming back. She seized the phone book and looked up the phone number for Neighborhood Design and Aesthetics. It was just after six o'clock, but she knew if it was anything like every other architect's office she'd worked in, there would still be people working. At least she would find out who the G.P. was and could send a resume properly addressed tomorrow.

A woman answered the phone with a brisk tone. Jackie asked for the name of the G.P.

”Angela Martine.” The voice didn't quite snap, but Jackie knew whoever it was on the line had better things to do with her time than answer general inquiries.

”Do you happen to know if she or another partner is looking for an architect in training?”

”Are you looking for a placement? Because we just lost someone.”

”Yes, yes, I am. I'm currently with a firm, but I think I need to find another situation.” Jackie stopped herself from spilling out the whole story. ”I'm sorry, I don't mean to be wasting your time.”

”Are you in your first or second year of credit?”

”Second, if you would accept the training I've done so far. My degree's from Taliesin.”

There was a silence. Then the woman said, ”Come and see me early tomorrow morning. Say seven-thirty?” She sounded as if she already regretted her impulse.

”I'll be there.” Jackie tried to keep from sounding eager, but she couldn't help it.

”Who are you?”

”Jackie Frakes. Who should I ask for?”

”Me. Angela Martine.”

Jackie stammered her thanks as she ended the call. She eagerly spent an hour putting together her portfolio, which boosted her self-esteem a bit. She zipped it closed, then went for a brisk walk to tire herself out. She would be poised and self-a.s.sured and needed a better night's rest than she'd had all week.

She did sleep, but only after she relived again the breathless moments with Leah in her kitchen. The way Leah had seemed to know how to touch her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. The way Leah's fingers had known...

You'll imagine my mouth on you...

Angela Martine was in her mid-fifties with rich, black hair that grayed at the temples, forming a severe frame for a hawk-like nose. Her no-nonsense voice carried a faint accent - Mexican, maybe, Jackie thought. Angela briskly directed Jackie into her office. She felt some of her self-a.s.surance slipping away as she sat down across the cluttered desk from Angela and was met with a frank stare. Aztec, that was it. Angela's profile could have come right off an Aztec sculpture.

”Before I spend any time looking at your portfolio, maybe you should tell me why you're looking for a change in jobs.” Angela leaned back in her chair, her face unreadable.

”Well, for reasons I won't bore you with, I made a mistake in accepting a position with Ledcor and Bidwell. I should have stayed at the firm Taliesin had placed me in - Ellis and Ellis out of Boston. My situation at L&B is that I recently did a set of drawings for a small project which the client has ended up preferring. The G.P.'s name is on it and he isn't going to let me do any further work on the project even though during the presentation I thought I developed a good rapport with the client. The client was left with the impression that I was licensed and would be their contact-false pretenses, in my opinion.” Jackie couldn't tell if Angela was shocked by that or was wondering why Jackie had been upset. ”I would have been able to swallow the situation and finish my training except I ... made another mistake in judgment.” Jackie stopped for breath and Angela cut in.

”You let them know that it upset you.”

Jackie nodded.

”Well. You were absolutely right about making a mistake in accepting training at L&B. We have four L&B refugees on staff already.” She lifted one shoulder dismissively. ”They're a big firm. If you play the game their way you'll be prominent in the field. They do a lot of work. We move in different circles.”

Jackie nodded again. ”Anyway, it seemed that if I wanted to take back some control over my career, I should look for a firm that... suited my ideals more closely.”

”Why us?” Angela was dispa.s.sionate again, regarding Jackie with a black marble gaze.