Part 19 (1/2)
She started to say something, but when her mouth opened, all that came out was a high-pitched squeak.
”Is it that bad?”
More squeaking and a fierce nod.
”Is it your father? Your mother?” She shook her head.
”Nina Two?” Panic bolted through me. ”Did she get hurt?”
She shook her head. I was definitely biting at the wrong artery, so I decided to switch victims.
”Your dad took away your credit cards?”
Another shake.
”Your credit cards got stolen?”
Another frantic shake.
”They're closing Barneys?”
She shook her head and relief pumped through me for a split second. But then Nina squeaked again and I was back to Guess That Tragedy.
”Your favorite Prada bag bit the dust?” When she did a frantic side to side, I added, ”Come on, Nina. You gotta give me something.”
She nodded and seemed to fight for her control. She cleared her throat. Her trembling lips parted and she said in a tense, strained voice the very last thing I ever expected to hear.
”I-I'm pregnant.”
”Y ou're what?” I braced a hand against the tiled wall as my knees went suddenly weak.
She licked her lips. ”I'm pregnant.”
”Pregnant?”
”Pregnant.”
”Pregnant?”
”Pregnant.” She held up a hand when I opened my mouth. ”If you keep saying it, I'm going to heave.”
”But I don't understand.”
”Pregnant,” she repeated, ”as in PG. Preggo. Stuffed full of tiny vamp sp.a.w.n.”
”I understand what it means.” I grabbed a nearby towel and wiped at my burning eyes. ”I just don't understand ...” I shook my head. ”How?”
”He kissed my neck and then I nibbled the skin over his pulse beat and that made him go nuts. The next thing I knew, I was flat on my back and he was-”
”I don't mean how as in a detailed play-by-play,” I cut in, wrapping the towel around me and stuffing the edge under my arm.
”I mean how as in how could you let this happen? Haven't you ever heard of a condom?”
”Are you kidding? I practically own stock in Trojan. They're great for the occasional human encounter or when I pick up a made vampire. They even worked like a charm when I did that werewolf back in '77. You remember him. The one who taught me how to do the hustle that time at Studio 54.”
I shook my head. Anything that involved polyester and a Dorothy Hamill bob I'd much rather forget.
”But condoms are powerless against born vamp sperm,” Nina went on. ”Those suckers just bit right through it.” She shook her head. ”I am so screwed.”
Born vamp. Pregnant.
The facts echoed in my head and reality struck. ”Rob's the father?”
”Nah, it's Brad Pitt. He snuck away and left Angie with the kiddos while we did it on top of the Empire State Building. Of course it's Rob's. That's why I'm so freaked.”
”Because you don't love him and the thought of being saddled with his sp.a.w.n is too much to handle, or because you do love him and you're afraid if you go crawling back now he'll think it's just because of the baby?”
”How did you know?”
”I'm a professional, Nina. Understanding vamp nature is what I do for a living.”
”I thought you were a matchmaker.” ”I am, but in order to be successful at my job I have to understand the nuts and bolts of the vampire psyche.”
”Now I am going to heave.” She turned and walked into the bedroom and I followed. ”What am I going to do?”
”First you're going to tell me whether or not you love him.” Because while I'd obviously hit it on the head, I'd been whacking both sides so I had no clue which nail we were talking about. ”You do love him, right?”
”I didn't think so. In fact, I was pretty sure I didn't. But then I'm in the bathroom the night before last and I'm feeling really sick. I'm thinking maybe Ernesto had the flu or something and I just had some really bad Mexican. But then I woke up yesterday and I was still feeling sick. I called Nina Two and she told me to take a pregnancy test. I thought she was crazy, but the more I thought about it...” She sniffled again. ”I figured I'd take one and put my mind at ease.” Her gaze collided with mine. ”I took five of them and by the time that fifth plus sign appeared, I knew it was true.”
”That you were pregnant.”
She shook her head. ”That I was pregnant and that I loved Rob. See, I wasn't freaked out about the baby. When I saw that first pink plus sign, I actually felt happy.”
”That's great!”
”No, it's not. It's the worst thing ever. I can't be happy about this baby and I can't be in love with its father. Rob and I are over.”
”Not if you tell him you 're sorry. He'll tell you he's sorry. The two of you will get back together. You 'll have a nice commitment ceremony complete with a champagne reception at the Waldorf and an ice sculpture shaped liked Count Chocula.
You'll honeymoon in Maui. Then you'll come back and I'll give you a nice big baby shower with one of those fab diaper cakes.
You'll have the baby and, bam, you'll live happily ever after.” I squelched my own sudden pang of longing and focused on Nina.
She actually looked hopeful, but then her face fell. ”That's impossible.”
”Which part?”
”All of it. If I tell Rob I'm sorry, he'll think it's because of the baby.”
”It is because of the baby.”