Part 8 (1/2)
She's my mother, for Damien's sake. She endured labor and hards.h.i.+p and unG.o.dly cravings (she'd snacked on Attila and a few of his Huns during the third trimester). The least I could do, the very least, was pretend to indulge her wild and crazy plan to prevent my brother and his wife from procreating.
”I'll be there,” I vowed.
”Early,” she pressed. ”Your dad's demonstrating his new right-hand driver. I've seen it in action about a thousand times this past week, so he needs a new audience. Speaking of which, I've invited Remy.”
”Great.” Remy I could handle. He knew about Ty and so I didn't have to pretend to like him. He would respect my s.p.a.ce. We could hide out in the pool house, laugh about old times and have a completely innocent time. No pressure.
”Unfortunately, he can't make it,” my mother added. ”So I've invited Ivan the OB/GYN.”
”Ma-”
”Wear something s.e.xy,” she cut in. ”No need to put all of our nails in one coffin. A vampire of your caliber should have options, so make sure you go for tight and low cut.”
”How about a noose?”
”Lilliana?”
”Tight. Low cut,” I grumbled. ”Got it.” Not. I hung up and turned to Hans.
”No ma.s.sage?” He looked heartbroken.
”Sorry, big boy. You're past your curfew.” I headed for the bathroom to trade my robe for some sweats. I wiped off the warm oil and slid into a pink set of Juicy Couture.
Back in the bedroom, I helped him into his clothes-a white T-s.h.i.+rt and matching white slacks-and then ushered him out the door and down the stairs.
”What about my cheese vheel?” he asked as I pushed him down the front walk toward a waiting cab.
”I'll bring it tomorrow night.” I fed him and his bag of ma.s.sage oils into the idling cab, gave the driver the address and watched them pull away from the curb. I was just about to turn and head back inside when I felt the first drop of rain.
It wasn't the cosmic c.r.a.p I'd expected, but it was close enough, particularly since there wasn't a cloud in the sky.
I glanced up in time to see my upstairs neighbor framed in the window. His eyes were glazed over and I could smell the beer on his breath. He shook his package, stuffed it back into his pants, and disappeared into his apartment and the waiting poker game. Ugh.
A wave of ickiness swept through me and I hit the stairs at the speed of light. Two seconds later, I was frantically soaping myself under a hot shower. I scrubbed fiercely for the next fifteen minutes and then I did what any super -hot born vampere would do after getting p.i.s.sed on.
No, I didn't go on a killing rampage.
Make that any super-hot born vampere with an aversion to violence.
I climbed into bed, and cried like a bebe.
”It lives,” Max declared when he opened the door of my parents' house early Sunday evening.
Max was my oldest brother and the one who should have been fulfilling my mother 's dreams of grandchildren. Unfortunately, he couldn't seem to find a suitable eternity mate. As for unsuitable? He'd become quite the expert. He'd been having a hush-hush affair with a hot-blooded female werewolf who happened to be my father's next door neighbor and arch enemy.
”How's it going with Viola?”
He glared and gave me a shush with his hand. ”Could you keep your voice down?”
”You still haven't come clean?”
”There's nothing to come clean about. We broke up.”
”What happened?”
”She was getting too clingy.” He shrugged. ”I had to drop the old ax.”
I eyed him. ”She broke up with you, didn't she?”
He looked ready to argue, but then he shrugged. ”She said I was too overbearing. Can you believe that? ” I arched an eyebrow. ”Okay, so I'm overbearing. I can't help it. It's in my DNA. Not that it matters now. It's better that we split. We're not exactly the ideal couple. Dad said she poured sulfuric acid on his azalea bushes last week and now he 's going to make her pay.
He's talking nuclear weapons this time. He found this guy in Trenton who offered to build him a bomb. Speaking of bombs ”-he wiggled his eyebrows-”Mom found you a new guy.”
I started to turn, but he grabbed my arm. ”Cheer up. It's only a few hours.”
”Says you. You don't have to try to make small talk with someone you have absolutely nothing in common with.”
”So make out instead. That's what I always do.” A loud snort carried down the hall, followed by my mother's ”Ivan, you have such an interesting laugh.”
”Then again,” my brother added, ”I could stall while you make a run for it.”
I was about to give the idea some serious consideration when I heard footsteps. In the blink of an eye, my mother stood next to Max.
”It's about time.” She gripped my arm and pulled me inside. The door shut and just like that, I was trapped.
She ushered me down the hall and into the main living room. ”Lilliana, I'd like you to meet Ivan. Ivan, this is my daughter.” I smiled. ”Hi.”
”Hey.” The acknowledgment ended with a loud snort.
It was definitely going to be a long and painful night.
”Why don't you two head out to the veranda. It's time to start.”
”Where's Rob?” My gaze did a 360 around the room and hope blossomed. ”We can't start until everyone's here.”
”He canceled,” Max said, coming up behind me.
”He what?” Before I could point out that no Marchette had ever canceled when it came to the hunt, my mother herded everyone to the door. A few steps shy, she pulled me to the side.
”I need you to distract the human after the hunt so that I can slip the pill into her drink.”
”I'm on it.”
I spent the next half hour hiding out in the pool house, listening to Ivan talk about his Ferrari. And his Bentley. And his Hummer.
I have to admit that I'd been initially turned off by the snorting. But it came in very handy. Otherwise, I would have nodded off five seconds into the conversation.
”... gets terrible gas mileage, but I don't mind. It's not like I can't afford it.” Snort.