Part 6 (2/2)

A wave of anxiety rushed through me and I attacked my keyboard with renewed determination. Crawling home to my folks would be bad enough. Doing it in lime green? So not happening.

Tabitha spent about a nanosecond filling out the form and fifteen minutes tapping her feet and humming to Katy Perry 's ”I Kissed a Girl” drifting over my surround sound.

Meanwhile, I cruised my database for possible matches. I came up with a whopping two-a warlock from Trenton with red hair and a potbelly and a werewolf into Harry Potter role-playing (What? I'm doing the best I can here.).

Tabitha didn't look jazzed about either, but she did agree to check them out. I set up the dates, promised to keep looking and loaded her into a cab bound for a hot new dance club and prospect number one.

I called Mia after that.

”Evie told me you want to lower your standards. Does that mean you're willing to take two o.r.g.a.s.ms a night instead of three?”

”Actually, I was thinking zero. I'm embarking on a new phase in my life.”

”The I'm-never-having-fun-again phase?” ”I'm embracing celibacy.”

Yep, zero fun.

”I want you to find me a man who is not into s.e.x in any way, shape or form,” she went on. ”A guy who doesn't sleep around or look at p.o.r.n or watch the Victoria's Secret Fas.h.i.+on Show during the Super Bowl halftime. I want a man who'll notice my brains instead of my b.o.o.bs.”

”Your last date p.o.o.ped out after the first o.r.g.a.s.m, didn't he?”

”He couldn't even get it up. I gave him a lap dance, but nothing. I'm tired of being let down. If I have zero expectations, I can't get disappointed, right? I figure I'll just go for the exact opposite of my ideal, that way I'm sure to find someone.” She sounded so defeated and lonely that my heart hitched.

”We haven't exhausted all of our efforts,” I told her. ”We can keep looking. We'll eventually find him,” I said with more certainty than I felt.

”I'll be too old to enjoy him by then.” She seemed to gather her resolve. ”No, this is better.”

”But is it what you really want?”

”I really want a man who can come five times in one night. A man who is faithful and employed, and who always remembers to put the toilet seat down. Know any?”

”One celibate with substance coming right up.”

I lined up three dates for Mia-a Sunday school teacher, a city government worker and a pediatric ER nurse named Harmon (no, really). They weren't the most manly men, but they each had a job and very little interest in s.e.x (too moral, too scared of a scandal and too busy). As for faithful, only time would tell on that but the odds were pretty good.

I spent a few minutes thinking about my own love life and the fact that Ty still hadn 't said the L word (and probably never would). Irrelevant, I told myself. I didn't need it. I knew and that was good enough. Really.

After that, I followed up on last night's matches and tried not to stake myself.

Sheesh. Didn't anyone have a good time?

”I had a fabulous time,” Aurelia Sinclair told me.

”Really?”

”Of course. William is the perfect werewolf. He's strong and virile and bald. Procreation is a given.”

”William?”

”The guy down in the lobby. The one in the uniform. He handled my car with perfection. The man definitely knows how to drive.”

”That wasn't one of my guests. He was the valet.”

”Regardless, I'm forever in your debt.”

Okay, so it wasn't a match made in DED heaven, but at this point, a satisfied customer was a satisfied customer. ”Would you be willing to put that in writing? I'd love a testimonial for the website.” I got a three-line spiel about how DED was the ultimate hookup service and decided to call it quits on a high note.

I transferred the phones and was just locking up when I felt the p.r.i.c.kling on the back of my neck. It was the same creepy feeling I'd had on my way into work. A feeling that turned to full-blown panic when I felt the presence directly behind me.

I know, I know. Megalicious vampire and terror don't exactly go together-unless, of course, I'm the one striking terror in the hearts of innocent villagers. But this is New York. You never know what's going to creep out of an alley.

”I don't have any money,” I said, fighting to keep my voice even. ”And my credit cards are maxed. And while the s.e.x might be pretty great, I don't even know you and so it's not going to happen.”

”You're going to die, b.i.t.c.h,” came the deadly promise.

And here I'd thought my night couldn't get any worse.

”I 'm going to rip off your head and stuff it down your throat.” The deadly voice slid into my ears again and my anxiety eased.

”Nina?” I whirled and found myself facing the tall, svelte blonde who'd been my friend since birth. ”Geez, you scared the c.r.a.p out of me.”

”Really?” She shook her head. ”I mean, yeah, good. You should be scared, because I'm serious. I'm going to tie you to the balcony and leave you to fry.”

I realized in a nanosecond that she meant business. Not because of her tone of voice, but because she was wearing sweats and flip-flops and zero makeup.

”I'm going to truss you up, dump you at the nearest church and let your skin fester until you're nothing but an itchy, oozing mess and then I'm going to-”

”Would you stop with the vivid death threats already?” My gaze met hers. ”What's wrong? Why are you dressed like that?”

”I'm being inconspicuous. It's Murder 101-never draw attention to yourself. You have to lay low. Fly under the radar. That way, no one will remember you later in a lineup.”

”What are you talking about?”

”You're going down, Marchette.” She glared. ”You ruined my afterlife.”

I remembered Mandy's comment about Nina and the cocoa. ”My mother coerced you into going to Mandy's. That's what this is about.”

”She coerced Rob and I tagged along. This is about next Friday and her Huntress Club meeting.”

”You didn't agree to go, did you?”

”I didn't have a choice. She said I was going to be a part of the family and so I had to meet her friends. ” Her gaze narrowed and her eyes gleamed a bright, fierce red. ”It's all your fault for siccing her on me in the first place. She thinks Rob and I are serious.”

”Aren't you?”

”Yes. I mean, no.” She shook her head. ”I have to break up with him.”

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