Part 4 (1/2)

”Of course you're not.” She waved a hand at me. ”You're going out with Remy.”

Remy Tremaine was the chief of the Fairfield Police Department and the perfect born vampire. He had a fabulous fertility rating, a smoking body and a nice side business providing bodyguards for the rich and famous. We'd grown up together, terrorized each other and, more recently, had our very first official date.

And our last.

I'd explained about Ty and given the spiel about how I'd still like to be friends. While Remy hadn't bought it (made + born = not a chance in h.e.l.l), I'd set aside the few feelings I had for him and moved on.

My mother obviously hadn't gotten the email on that.

”Remy and I are just friends,” I told her for the bizillionth time.

”We'll see,” she said in a voice that never failed to strike fear in the hearts of frightened villagers and send yours truly running online to MyTherapist.com [MyTherapist.com].

”Ivan is feeding off this gynecologist from Queens,” she went on. ”When he heard what Jack was contemplating, he got them for me. Your father and I aren't the only ones up in arms over your brother's poor judgment. The entire born vamp community is outraged. They understand, of course, that it's not Jack's fault. He wouldn't willingly betray his species. He's just powerless against such strong magic.”

”For the last time, Mandy is not a witch. She's a medical examiner.”

”She comes from a long line of witches, and you know what they say.”

”Live and let live?”

”The snake doesn't slither far from the egg.”

What?

”She's mesmerizing him, all right,” she went on. ”But her powers are nothing compared to ours. Now get up and get dressed.

Your father is waiting downstairs in the car.”

I gave her my most apologetic smile. ”Gee, I'd love to help save Jack and the pristine Marchette reputation,”-not-”but I've got a schedule full of clients.” An even bigger not.

I wasn't spiking my sister-in-law's tea with Yaz. For one thing, Jack and Mandy's baby plans were none of my business. Two?

I actually liked Mandy. And three, I wasn't climbing out of bed in my birthday suit even if my mother had seen it all before. She hadn't seen it in a good 488 years. Nor had she seen the heart -shaped tattoo I'd had done the day before I'd lost my virginity and stopped aging. It wasn't the greatest tat (think small wagon, a vial full of henna and an ancient gypsy rather than a state-of-the-art shop, sterilized needles and an Ed Hardy wannabe), but it was mine and it summed up my romantic personality.

”Why don't you take Nina and Rob?” I suggested. When my mother didn't look the least bit excited over the prospect, I added, ”Nina was just saying to me last night how anxious she is to get to know you.”

”That's ridiculous. We've known each other for ages.” My mother picked at another piece of nonexistent lint. ”She grew up with you.”

”You know her as the BFF of your one and only beautiful, vivacious, uber hot daughter. You don't know her as the potential mother of your first grandchild. There's a huge difference.”

That got her attention. She nailed me with a pointed stare. ”What are you talking about?”

I shrugged, gathered the sheet tighter and wiggled my way toward the edge of the bed. ”Just that she's a born vampire and Rob is a born vampire and things have been going pretty great between them. The next logical step is for them to move in together.

Maybe open a joint bank account. And maybe, you know, possibly pledge their eternal commitment to each other.”

Actually, the next logical step for Nina was to dump Rob, because her longest relations.h.i.+p to date was just under six weeks and she had a huge fear of waking up one evening and feeling as if her afterlife had pa.s.sed her by while she'd been stuck having s.e.x with the same vampire.

Likewise, Rob usually jumped s.h.i.+p just after seven weeks, or right before the Moe's Memorial Day Dinner Under the Stars, whichever came first.

What, you might ask, is the MMDDUS? Take one lush Connecticut estate, add a fireworks display, an all-you-can-eat chicken wing buffet (for the humans) and at least three dozen Hooters girls (for the vampires), and you get the picture.

Rob had a thing for orange shorts, as did every other male vampire on the Moe's payroll. Hence his sudden need to be single and a total j.e.r.k.-.o.f.f. when May rolled around.

Until then ...

”They're definitely getting serious.” I nodded. ”Commitment vials, matching coffins, monogrammed blood bags-the works.”

She looked like one of Satan's hounds who'd just caught a whiff of a runaway soul. ”I suppose we could make a detour by Rob's.” Before I could blink, I heard my apartment door open and close and, poof, she was gone.

I hurried to the door, threw the deadbolt and turned to glare at Killer, who sat curled up on the sofa.

”You could have warned me when she got here.”

What do I look like? A watch dog? I don't do loyalty or protection or any of that c.r.a.p. I'm a cat, i.e., snotty, selfish and hungry. He blinked. Speaking of which, if I don't hear the can opener in the next five seconds, things are going to get ugly.

”I'm trading you in for a c.o.c.ker spaniel.”

Yeah, yeah. And I'm the next Miss Congeniality. Get moving, sister.

I glared and then headed to the kitchen. I know, I know. I should let him starve. But I needed all the good luck I could get and I had a feeling animal cruelty wouldn't score me any brownie points with the CEV Upstairs. Unless I was sucking said animal dry. I contemplated the notion all of five seconds before opening a can of Kittylicious and dumping it into Killer's bowl. Then I spent the next hour doing hair and makeup and trying not to think about Esther.

Ash was right. She was probably off with Mr. Visa having hot, wild s.e.x and sucking each other dry. When she finally came up for air, she would call and explain the couch incident. He'd spilled a drink. She'd spilled a drink. They'd both been having an emo moment.

Something.

I had absolutely nothing to worry about.

My head knew that. Unfortunately, my gut wasn't buying it. It kept nagging at me, insisting that something was wrong.

A feeling that grew stronger as I left Killer parked near his scratching post with strict instructions not to pee or barf on anything, locked up my apartment and headed for the office.

A sh was waiting for me when I walked into Dead End Dating. He wore a gray b.u.t.ton -down, faded jeans and scuffed brown biker boots. While there was nothing designer about his clothes, his buff bod was the stuff Calvin ads were made of.

Not that I noticed that sort of thing since I'm officially ”involved” with Ty.

All right, already. So I noticed. I'm involved, not dead.

Okay, so I'm technically dead, too, but you get the point.

I ix-nayed the l.u.s.tful thoughts that rolled through my brain, dropped my purse on the corner of my desk and sank down into my chair to brace myself for what I knew had to be bad news.

Ash paced the floor in front of my desk, his mouth stretched into a thin line, his brow furrowed.

”Something's wrong,” he said.

What'd I tell ya?

My stomach hollowed out despite the three Rock-stars and extra-large gla.s.s of O+ I'd chugged before leaving my apartment.