Part 4 (1/2)
And if I never see her again?
I think, if they told me so I could convulse the heavens with my horror.
I think I could alter the frame of things in my agony.
I think I could break the System with my heart.
I think, in my convulsion, the skies would break.
She too suffers.
But who could compel her, if she chose me against them all?
She has not chosen me finally, she suspends her choice.
Night folk, Tuatha De Danaan, dark G.o.ds, govern her sleep, Magnificent ghosts of the darkness, carry off her decision in sleep, Leave her no choice, make her lapse me-ward, make her, Oh G.o.ds of the living Darkness, powers of Night.
WOLFRATSHAUSEN
_HUMILIATION_
I HAVE been so innerly proud, and so long alone, Do not leave me, or I shall break.
Do not leave me.
What should I do if you were gone again So soon?
What should I look for?
Where should I go?
What should I be, I myself, āIā?
What would it mean, this I?
Do not leave me.
What should I think of death?
If I died, it would not be you: It would be simply the same Lack of you.
The same want, life or death, Unfulfilment, The same insanity of s.p.a.ce You not there for me.
Think, I daren't die For fear of the lack in death.
And I daren't live.
Unless there were a morphine or a drug.
I would bear the pain.
But always, strong, unremitting It would make me not me.
The thing with my body that would go on living Would not be me.
Neither life nor death could help.
Think, I couldn't look towards death Nor towards the future: Only not look.
Only myself Stand still and bind and blind myself.