Part 23 (1/2)

Her face paled. Julie looked down. She clapped a hand over her mouth. ”Oh G.o.d.” She gasped.

Coal looked down as well. The condom was ripped open. Come dripped down the inside of her thighs.

”No, no, no,” she moaned. Julie went under the spray and washed herself. Like was.h.i.+ng him away would change things.

”Julie.” He sounded as confused as he was feeling. They'd had s.e.x often over the last two days, they'd used plenty of condoms, none of them had broken. Coal had never considered the possibility. ”I'm so sorry.” He touched her arm. She kept was.h.i.+ng herself.

”I can't believe this.” She stopped what she was doing and took a deep breath. ”I'm not going to panic. We shouldn't panic.”

”Julie.” He turned the faucet so that the water stopped.

His female ignored him, she turned the faucets back on and continued to wash herself.

”Julie, sweetheart.” He cupped her jaw. ”That's not going to help.”

Her eyes lifted to him, looking panicked. ”It might. I have to try.”

He waited while she continued to clean, this time she used soap.

When she was finally done, she turned the faucets off, her shoulders were slumped. Her eyes filled with concern. ”I can't be a mother. I just can't.”

Coal led her from the shower and put a thick towel around her. She was s.h.i.+vering. There was a fire in the hearth and they had just had a really hot shower. The shaking was not because she was cold. He wrapped a towel around his waist and picked her up.

Julie put her arms around his shoulder. A tear slid from between her closed lids. She sniffed. ”Please tell me that we can go and get the morning after pill. That we can make this go away.”

”Would a baby be so bad?” He kept his voice soothing.

”Yes.” There were more tears and his heart bled. ”I would be a terrible mother, Coal. I don't have a single maternal bone in my body.” Her eyes were wide. Her nose runny. Her eyes continued to leak tears. He could see that she was trying not to freak out. She was trying not to cry.

He put her down on the bed and held her close.

”Why are we here? We need to get dressed. Fly me to the nearest pharmacy. Better yet, take me to the hospital. Maybe they can-”

”None of that would help.”

”Oh G.o.d.” She made a whimpering noise. ”Please don't say that.”

”Shhh.” He rubbed her back.

”Don't you dare try and calm me down. I don't want to be calm. This is no time for calm.” She tried to pull away from him.

”You are not in heat yet.”

”You said I was close.”

He nodded. ”There is a chance that you won't become pregnant.”

”A chance...” She covered her face with her hands and made a sobbing noise. ”There is a chance I am pregnant. Oh no! I swear, if I'm not we're never having s.e.x again. We can't take that risk ever again.”

He tried not to laugh. ”We will be having lots of s.e.x, Julie.”

She shook her head. ”No! Forget it! If I'm not knocked up we can't have s.e.x again. We can fool around but that's it. No s.e.x!”

”Julie.” He brushed the hair from her face. ”Let's see what happens. You might be having a panic attack over nothing. Besides, a baby would be-”

”Don't say it.” This time when she pulled away he let her. ”Don't talk about how wonderful a baby would be or how precious.”

”Our child would be those things. He would be a perfect combination of us. He would be-”

”Exactly, Coal. He would be... or she... would be incredible. A beautiful cherub. I can just picture his or her toothy grin and chubby hands.” Her eyes brightened up and she almost smiled. Then a cloud descended. ”I would ruin it all. I-”

”You would be a good mother, Julie. How can you be so sure that you wouldn't be? How could you know with such certainty?”

”My mom was awful. She was horrible...” Julie s.h.i.+vered. ”I still loved her. I missed her after the state took me away from her.”

Coal felt himself frown. Julie had said that she didn't remember her mother. He didn't say anything. She was finally opening up to him and he was d.a.m.ned if he was going to interrupt.

Her beautiful eyes lifted to his. Tears continued to fall. ”She was a drug addict. More concerned with her next fix than her child. She would disappear for what felt like days. I was a tiny girl.” She swallowed thickly. ”Just a little girl. I would eat whatever I could find, which wasn't much.” Julie rubbed her face with a hand. ”I screamed when they took me away. I reached for her but she didn't reach back. Why didn't she reach back?”

He pulled her into his chest. His eyes p.r.i.c.ked. His heart felt heavy.

”I was her daughter. Her blood ran through my veins. She was a horrible mother. I wouldn't know the first thing about being a good mother. I've never been taught how to be one. I wouldn't know the first thing.”

Coal held her while she sobbed. ”I don't know much about these drugs. Only what I have been told. I know that they take away emotion. That they strip away a person's soul. I know that if your mother was capable of loving you that her heart would've burst with the emotion.” He pulled away so that he could look into her tear soaked eyes.

”You have so much love to give. You are caring, loving and fierce. I will be so happy to call you my mate and I would be thrilled to have you as the mother of my children. If you never trust anything else I say ever again, believe that. Your mother would've reached for you if she hadn't been so numbed by the substances in her veins. Know that you will never be alone again because I will always reach for you. Just the mere fact that you are so afraid tells me that you will be a great mother.”

She sniffed. ”Do you think so?” Hope filled her eyes.

Coal nodded. ”More than sure.” He knew from the way she had spoken earlier that she did want children. Deep down inside. She was just afraid, and with good reason. Julie was wrong about being a bad mother.

She might not be pregnant. He felt a pang at the thought. If she was pregnant they had time. He would make sure that she was fully onboard and that any doubts she had were dispelled. If she wasn't pregnant, he would work on patience. Coal was sure that there were children in their future regardless.

Julie nodded. ”Okay. We'll get through this together.”

”I'm not worried, Julie. We will be fine. Our children will love you and you will love them right back.”

”I might not be pregnant, so don't say that.” She gave his arm a slap.

”I hope you are but if you aren't we will work on it at some point in the future.”

”How long do we need to wait?”