Part 8 (2/2)

When I emerged from the bedroom, Sophia was still at it. 'f.u.c.king s.l.u.t! That's what you are, Sophia!' I heard her say. 'A dirty f.u.c.king wh.o.r.e. Look at yourself, go on, take a good look, s.l.u.t!'

This was the aspect that threw me the most. Not so much the action itself as this. All this talking to herself all the time. This hadn't been covered anywhere in training. We were foster carers, not trained psychiatrists. And this seemed like their area of expertise, not mine and Mike's. I left her again, not yet having worked out what to do, and instead went downstairs to Mike and Kieron. 'Well, she's still at it,' I told them, adding a smile to attempt some levity. 'Chatting away to herself in the mirror!'

But Kieron was in no mood for jokes. 'Mum,' he said. 'What are we going to do? I've just told Dad I didn't mention it before, because I didn't want to upset you, but she's been wandering about upstairs in just her underwear. She waits till she hears me coming out of my room and then acts like it's accidental. But it isn't. So now I just turn round and go back into my room till she's gone. Because she's doing it on purpose, I know she is.'

My heart hit my boots. 'I don't know what we're going to do, love. I wish I did but I don't. I have to speak to John about all this. He's supposed to be finding out more anyway. And in the meantime we're just going to have to be really careful you two, especially not to put ourselves in vulnerable situations.'

'b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l, Casey!' Mike said with feeling. 'I wouldn't have said standing b.u.t.tering toast in my own kitchen was putting myself in a vulnerable situation!'

'I know,' I said. Mike was right. It wasn't that simple. 'I wish I had some answers, but I don't. But I'll report the incident straight away and, as I say, speak to John, and ...'

'Well, well, well, isn't this just peachy?' It was Sophia. 'Little family meeting, is it? About me?'

No one had heard her come back downstairs. 'Sophia ' Mike started, his voice angry.

'No, let me speak, please, Mike. Casey may not have any answers, but I do. Keeping your pervert son out of my bedroom would be a start.'

'You lying little cow!' Kieron shouted. 'How dare you say that? Trust me, I don't want to go anywhere near you!'

She just grinned at him. 'I've seen you watching me. You can't keep your eyes off me. Have you never seen a pair of t.i.ts before, or what?'

'Sophia!' I practically screamed her name, to be sure of her full attention. I knew I had to stop her before Kieron lost his senses. 'I don't know what you think you're playing at, but it won't work in this house! Now I suggest you turn around, go right up those stairs and stay there, because I'm coming seriously close to really losing my temper!'

I glanced at Kieron. He looked like he could kill her on the spot. I'd never seen him so angry before. Sophia glared at us all, as if we were really something quite distasteful to look at, before leaving the kitchen, thundering back up the stairs, and slamming her bedroom door with such force it made the house shake. I thought fleetingly of how much abuse my internal doors took with this job of mine, but seeing Kieron's face jolted me. He now looked like he was about to cry.

'Pay no attention to her, babes,' I hurriedly rea.s.sured him. 'This is obviously a part of her modus operandi. I know it's upsetting, but as you can see she's badly damaged, and it's plain to see that she's just las.h.i.+ng out ...'

'I don't care, Mum!' he said. 'I can't have her saying things like that. I mean, Lauren's so easygoing, but she'd still probably wonder ...'

'Don't be daft, love,' I said firmly. 'Lauren knows the kind of kids we have. She'd know it was just rubbish.'

'She would, son,' added Mike. 'Lauren's not stupid.'

'But that's not the point,' he said. 'I can't bear it. It makes me so stressed. I feel I can't live in my own home without watching my back all the time! No, I've made my mind up. I'm going to go and stay at Lauren's for a bit. At least until Dad can put some locks on the doors or something.'

Mike nodded. 'He's absolutely right, Case,' he said. 'I know it's c.r.a.p for us, but perhaps Kieron should go and stay at Lauren's for a bit. Just for a few days, till we've worked out with John how we're going to handle things. And in the meantime I'll sort out some locks for all the bedrooms. We can't be living like this, love, we really can't.'

I looked bleakly at my son and my husband. Was this what our lives had become because of my job? Us having to allow our own son to lock himself in his room for fear of what might happen if he didn't? A saying crossed my mind then, and it made for grim thinking. The jailors were becoming the jailed.

I tried to shake myself out of it, to get a sense of perspective. We weren't prison guards charged with keeping a criminal off the streets after all. We were carers, trained carers, of desperate kids. And she was a kid no more, no less just a kid. Just a deeply disturbed 12-year-old girl.

I felt so miserable when I woke up on Monday morning that I seriously doubted my own sanity. I was a morning person. Always had been. A dyed in the wool lark. Always first up, radio blaring, breakfast on the go. But my first thought on waking had been such a grim one. Last night my dear son had packed his bags and left home. Not for ever, I knew that and he would one day soon anyway but it was the circ.u.mstances of the leaving that hurt; that he'd left because I'd forced him to. I knew it wasn't as straightforwardly d.a.m.ning as that, but it was still my fault, my choice to bring kids like Sophia into his life.

I dragged myself from my bed anyway Mike had already left for work and went downstairs, hoping that the watery February suns.h.i.+ne might go some way towards lifting my mood. I also had to remember it wasn't Sophia's fault either. She hadn't asked to come to us, either, had she? She'd been happy (though 'happy' wasn't the right word far from it) to stay with Jean, in whose care she had clearly felt safe. And what of Jean? What was that all about really? I had so much to discuss with John Fulshaw this morning that I had half a mind to make myself a list.

I was carefully removing poached eggs from the pan when Sophia came down. I'd put them on when I'd heard the shower pump go off. To her credit, she wasn't generally any bother on a school morning. Always got up with her alarm, was dressed and ready on time. How many parents would give their left arm for that luxury?

'Eggs this morning,' I said, my back to her as I dished them up. 'All right with you, love?'

I got only a mumble in reply and turned to see her rummaging in her school bag at the kitchen table. I noticed she looked drawn and slightly dishevelled compared to her usual, carefully pulled-together appearance. 'You feeling okay, Sophia?' I asked her. 'Taken your pills yet?'

'Oh for Christ's sake, can't you leave me alone for five minutes?' she barked irritably at me. 'No, I haven't taken them yet, okay? Because I feel sick.'

I racked my brains for some memory of what the literature said about nausea. 'But doesn't that mean you need to take them?'

She rolled her eyes. 'Oh, we're the expert now, are we?'

I decided to ignore the rudeness and focus on the Addison's. I still didn't know anything like enough about her illness. Whether I was right or not, I simply didn't know. 'Look, love,' I said. 'If that's the case then I think I should ring school and tell them you won't be in till later. Let's wait till you're feeling well enough to go.'

She looked world weary. 'I'm fine, Casey, really. I just get like this sometimes. Look, I'll take them when I get to school. I promise. Just as soon as I know I'll be able to keep them down.'

I made a mental note to call her consultant, or someone at the hospital, at any rate, so that I could get advice from a real expert about what should happen if she felt sick. There was just so much information and so many different aspects to her condition that I felt I needed to take a flipping GCSE in it. 'Okay, love,' I said, as I placed her breakfast in front of her anyway. 'Sorry you're feeling rough. Perhaps if you try a nibble of something you'll feel better. Could it be your blood sugar?'

'Perhaps,' she said. 'I hope so.'

She ate very little, but I couldn't force it down her. So I just made sure I reminded her to eat a bag of peanuts if she needed them. Then I went out into the hall with her to wave her off and wish her a nice day, as had become my habit. I knew these little rituals mattered, even if she didn't. They all helped to give her a sense of security that I suspected she'd had little of in her young life.

She surprised me by hovering in the doorway, and I sensed a mood change. 'I'm so sorry about yesterday, Casey,' she said, confirming it. 'I really am. Are you still angry at me?'

'No, love. I'm not. I'm just confused. You see, I know Mike and Kieron as well as I know myself, and the things you said, well, they were just upsetting for them. We're just not like that in our family, that's the thing, love. And it hurts when people make those sorts of remarks.'

She chewed on her lip and nodded. 'I'm really sorry. It was only supposed to be a joke. That's how it started. But it went too far, didn't it?'

'I'm afraid it did, love. And it wasn't a very funny joke, was it?'

'No, it wasn't.'

'But listen, you're going to be late for registration if you don't get off now. How about we have another chat about all this when you get home? Like I say, I'm not angry, and I'm so glad you've apologised. That was very mature of you.'

This seemed to cheer her up. 'Okey dokey,' she said, grinning. 'See you in a bit then.'

And then she was off, now happy as Larry again, it seemed like. Case closed. I returned her last wave before closing the door and watched her trot off down the road looking every inch the innocent schoolgirl. This child really was such an enigma, I thought, one minute coming on as this voracious sultry temptress, the next this angelic little girl. Did even she know who she was? I didn't think so.

I ignored the was.h.i.+ng up and headed straight for the phone. Time to get back on to John Fulshaw. Make his Monday.

Chapter 12.

John listened patiently while I described the events of the previous day.

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