Part 6 (1/2)

When rational, she knew returning to Gloversville was a pipe dreae projected in the theater of her ht expect, but in brilliant high definition Maine was allStreet-and Sixth Avenue, where her sister lived-seeht priination was the self she would become once she returned hohty She'd be the age she was during her last stint, when randmother was still alive To be sure, she hadn't been in the best of health even then, but she'd ain

She'd only been in that first Fardale apart hoain It was a Saturday afternoon, after we'd done the grocery shopping, and atching a ball game before I headed back to Waterville She'd been out of sorts the whole tiht as well face facts,” she finally said ”I hate Maine I never should've coiven how she made it sound like she'd done it all on her own ”It was a ht to Gloversville fro”

”Okay,” I said, ”but while we're facing facts, here's another You also hate Gloversville You have your whole life The last time you went back there, it was-in your oords-a terrible ssuch statements thrown back at her, so this put her into a dark funk ”It's true I've always hated Gloversville,” she conceded half an hour later when the gaed”

Which was true They'd become evenStreet house, but that had been sold, in part to pay for the long-terrandmother required toward the end of her life Whatto, however, was thatand his wife, Carole, who had two kids and needed the extra room Phyllis and Mick now occupied the downstairs flat of the house next door My mother's idea, it finally came out, was for them to evict their upstairs renters so she could move in ”I'd have some kind of life there, at least,” she concluded ”Aren't I entitled to thatyou can't do stairs any out After all, this consideration had governed every apartment search we'd made since Illinois Indeed, when she visited our house these days, all activities had to take place on the ground floor because the pitch of the stairs up to the girls' bedroom was too steep ”I could there,” she said, her stony expression daring contradiction ”You forget I always lived on the second floor in Gloversville”

In fact, she went on, nothing was really wrong except Maine Once back in Gloversville she'd not only feel better, she'd be better Why? Because there she'd at least be a person Her fa with other people who'd known her all her life, who knew she was a hu, who believed not only in her but also in her resilience and her ability to accos In Maine, none of the above

I didn't see any point in debating whether she'd be more of a person in Gloversville than Cah I was pretty sure this tactic would prove equally futile ”Hoould you do your groceries? Hoould you get to the doctor or the hairdresser?”

”Greg would takethree jobs, and Carole works all week at the bank”

”Then I'd go with Mick and Phyl”

”Except you like to hold to your own schedule Remeether, that every week there'd be a different grocery day? They'd call and tell you to be ready in five ? Hoould that be different now? Have they changed? Have you?”

Her mouth had formed a thin line ”I'd walk to the store if I had to”

”In winter?”

Yes, she insisted, even in winter Furtheret a job

Of course I knew these wild assertions were trial balloons whose credibility she had to test by letting them float away, and that despite the brazenness of this last balloon-that she'd get a job-even she kneould never gain altitude, no matter how much heated conviction she pu to make you feel bad, but we can't ”

She was silent for a while, her face a dark thundercloud ”If only you wouldn't disagree with every single thing I say,” she tolddown any idea I ever have Why can't you be on ree with?”

She thought for aHe's my nephew and he loves me”

”Yes, he would, and of course he does That's why it would be so wrong to ask him to He has too many other responsibilities and too few resources The last thing he needs is another burden”

Now she threw me a triumphant look, as if this was the concession she'd wanted from the start ”That's all I a?”

”No, I' you to the hairdresser is 's”

”Fine,” she said ”Then I guess I'll just have to stay here in ize After I left, she'd given herself a good talking-to Her problem, she'd concluded, was always the same She wanted to be independent, no one's burden or responsibility, not even hters to raise, and she hated that on top of all that I also had to think about her She didn't knohy her thoughts always returned to Gloversville, as if it were Brigadoon She knew better In the future, I was to siot like that”

The trouble, as she knew full well, was that when she got like that there was no ignoring her Since then we'd been through the same bitter, futile exercise twice more, the volume turned up a notch or two each time Now, on the eve of our ain, the only difference being that this ties in the Gloversville landscape Earlier that yearuilty relief that co finally ends She and ularly, usually once a week, usually reirlhoods on West Fulton Street, one of Gloversville's hborhoods I think they both enjoyed these strolls down ia for siical and te to ularly, er had access even to the pleasures of the past, and the last ti in the present, she said that there wasn'tabout it, that she had no life, and there was no reason to pretend she did Hearing this,

I, of course, needed no such warning I'd seeded the clouds n in the yard in front of our Waterville house Still, when the storm finally broke, even I was stunned by its ferocity This tiwhat she intended to do, with or without h the whole Gloversville scenario, she knew allto theain She wasn't a child who needed to be told what she could and couldn't do She was going, and that's all there was to it There was nothing I could do to prevent it If I didn't want to pay theshe owned behind If I wouldn't drive her there, she'd take a bus If I wouldn't drive her to the bus, she'd take a taxi Gloversville here she belonged She was going