Part 17 (1/2)

Jordan nodded, his eyes trained on the form of his mother in the next room. ”We had a real nice talk.”

Mr. Moses squeezed his shoulder again and pulled him close, hugging him the way Jordan had always imagined a father might. Tm glad, Jordan. Really I am.”

Then, even though she could no longer hear them, Jordan and Heidi returned to the bedroom and sat on either side of the bed, holding their mother's hands and talking to her in quiet tones. Heidi was not ashamed to cry and she wept throughout the day, occasionally throwing herself across her mother and holding her close despite the fact that their mother was no longer able to respond. ”Don't leave us, Mommy.”

Jordan hadn't felt the same freedom. His world was changing with each pa.s.sing hour, and any moment he was about to be the head of the household, the only person who could look after Heidi. He kept his back straight and his lower lip stiff as he squeezed his mother's hand again and again, praying for some sort of response. He had tears, for sure, but they were quiet tears. Tears that coursed down his face and made wet marks on the legs of his jeans. Now and then Heidi would come up behind him and take hold of his shoulders, resting her head against his back as she sobbed silently.

They stayed that way for hours, Heidi and Jordan on the bed with their dying mother. Finally, just before six o'clock that evening, she made three quick gasping sounds and then exhaled long and slow Even now Jordan remembered the sound. It was the same sound his bicycle tire had made back when he was twelve and had run over a pop bottle on the way home from school. A long, slow hiss that seemed to last forever until there was no air left.

”Mom!” Jordan shook her so she might draw another breath, but as he watched, her features relaxed and a tranquillity came over her. One moment she'd been there, fighting for her life, and the next she was simply gone, leaving nothing but the sh.e.l.l of the body she'd once occupied. He remembered being sure she'd gone to heaven. Since then, though, he'd convinced himself that heaven didn't exist. The peace on his mother's face after drawing her last breath was merely death taking another victim. Heidi's reaction had caused an ache deep in his heart, like a bruise that never healed even to this day His sister realized what was happening at the same time Jordan did and she screamed, dropping their mother's hand and running across the room to Faith's mother, clinging first to her and then moving alongside the bed back to Jordan. ”Bring her back, Jordan, make her come back!”

He winced and eased himself out of the memory. Heidi had been terrified of being alone, living without their mother. Only Jordan's presence in her life had given her the security she'd needed to survive that day and the ones that followed.

He felt tears stinging at his eyes and wondered how long it had been since he'd grieved the loss of his mother and sister. Of course, back then he hadn't imagined he'd lose Heidi the same week. Somehow he'd figured he could raise her by himself, that they might continue to share the house on Oak Street, eating an occasional meal with Faith's family and getting themselves off to school on time each day He'd had no understanding of utility bills and food costs or that there might be a law against children living alone.

They'd been taking care of themselves for months, ever since their mother got sick. Why should that change now that she was gone? As they got through the next few days, it wasn't a problem either of them considered. Faith's mother was over often, taking them to the funeral home and helping them understand what was happening. Looking back, Jordan realized the church or Faith's family must have paid for his mom's funeral, the casket, and burial plot, because certainly his mother had no money Once when he was old enough to search the records he looked into what had happened to their house. According to his file- which lacked any specific detail-the house was sold to pay his mother's medical bills.

Jordan guessed that the government took the rest.

The days after his mother's death were as much a blur now as they were sixteen years ago, but in the still and quiet darkness of Jericho Park, Jordan did his best to remember. They had worn their nicest church clothes for the funeral, and Heidi hadn't been able to pull herself away from him. She was so sad, so afraid at the loss of their mother that she wouldn't speak to anyone but Jordan. Especially the morning of the funeral service.

”She w-won't really be there, right Jordan? In the wooden box?” Heidi had found him in the bathroom that morning getting ready. She was so distraught she could barely speak. ”Even though... even though her body will be there, right?” Tears filled her eyes, as they did all the time back then.

Jordan adjusted his white b.u.t.ton-down s.h.i.+rt that the Moses family bought him and rubbed a dab of gel into his hair. It was the last time he'd see his mother and he wanted to look his best, ”No, Heidi. She won't really be there. Having her body there is just a way of giving people a chance to say their good-byes.”

”But...but she's already gone, right? Like if I talk to her, she won't be able to hear me, right?” Heidi stood inches from him, waiting anxiously for his hand to be free so she could take hold of it.

Jordan set the tube of gel down and pulled her close. ”She won't hear you, but G.o.d will. Remember what Mom said? Don't stop praying... and one day when we go to heaven she'll be waiting for us.”

Jordan frowned into the cool dark air. Had those really been his words? Had he truly felt that confident in the hours before his mother's funeral? He wasn't sure. He just knew he'd vowed to take care of Heidi until she was grown. Other than Faith and her family Heidi was all he had and clearly she needed him.

The air was getting colder and frost was appearing on the park gra.s.s. Jordan looked across the field and searched for the woman he'd seen earlier. Whoever she was, she'd gone home. Jordan knew he should do the same. The hearing was scheduled for ten o'clock the next morning. But somehow he didn't want to leave this place-or the memories of those days after his mother's death, the last days with Heidi. Jordan remembered making breakfast for her and doing laundry and making sure they got to bed on time. Faith's mother was there a lot, and so was her father. But most of the time Jordan had been in charge, and though they were still reeling from the loss of their mother, there was comfort that went beyond words in the fact that they had each other.

How long had that time lasted? Jordan used to think it was a week or so, but now it seemed more like two or three days at the most. Either way, it hadn't been long enough. Faith's father had pulled him aside and promised -he'd do all he could to see that Jordan and Heidi stayed together. Certainly he hadn't contacted the state and reported them living alone. But somehow the office of Social Services got wind of their situation and one afternoon- the day they'd returned to school-two workers came and asked them to pack their things. Heidi had been terrified about going away, even for a night, but the state workers promised she'd be back with Jordan in a day or so.

Promises that meant nothing at all.

He remembered Heidi's cries and wide-eyed terror as one of the workers drove her away from their home. Jordan had watched her go, believing he would die from the separation and helplessness of that moment. He had promised to take care of her and suddenly in an hour's time she was gone.

His heart felt tight and trapped at the memory awash in an ocean of pain that still hadn't even begun to subside.” Heidi, where are you?” Jordan stared out ahead of him and wondered what she might look like now. Heidi...his little sister...the one who had depended on him for everything that last year they were together.

Another onset of tears burned his eyes. Jordan rarely afforded himself the chance to miss her this way, but here, with visions of that terrible afternoon as real as they'd been in the months that followed, he felt as though his heart would break from missing Heidi. He should have done more to find her, searched for her, refused to give up. Instead he'd made a series of bad decisions, choices that only cost him whatever hope he'd had of getting them back together again.

There was a rustling behind him and he whipped around. First New York City, now Bethany. Wasn't any place safe from the crazies who roamed the night? He scanned the bushes and a movement caught his eye. It looked like the same woman who'd been at his bench earlier that night, and she was walking toward him. Before he could clearly see her face she spoke.

”Jordan, it's me... Faith.”

His heart skipped a beat as a series of emotions washed over him. Shock at seeing her here at the park, seeking out solitude at the same hour he'd chosen; guilt and sadness, and as she came into the light, a desire he hadn't known before in his life. She was so beautiful, her heart so clearly like it had been when they were kids living next door on Oak Street. It was all he could do to keep from meeting her halfway, taking her in his arms and apolo-gizing for everything that had happened over the past few months.

He read her eyes as easily as he had sixteen years ago. She cared for him still-regardless of the war they were waging against each other, she cared. Then he moved to one side of the bench and patted the empty place beside him.

There were a dozen things he could think to say to her, but instead he held her gaze and hoped she, too, could see beyond the battle lines.

Twenty-one.

Faith was still quite a ways off when she recognized Jordan. Something in the way he stretched out and stared off in the distance-the tilt of his head and the long legs that refused to stay bunched up beneath him-the same as when he was a boy For a moment she stopped and considered turning back. What would she say to him? After all they were enemies now, weren't they? But in the quiet of the darkened park the trappings of their current situation seemed to fall away Here, in the shadows of the walled in Jesus statue, they were merely two grown-up kids who'd lost each other a very long time ago when life was its most impressionable.

Looking at Jordan she saw him as he'd been in his mother's room the day she died, the way he'd held his head high at her funeral, the way he'd clung to his sister the day she was taken from him. Rather than fight him or berate him for his political views, she wanted only to take him in her arms and soothe away the years of hurt and anger and bitterness.

Jordan... her long-ago best friend...

When he finally spotted her she knew that she'd been right that first night in the diner parking lot. No matter what words came out of his mouth when the cameras were rolling, he was the same Jordan Riley she'd loved as a girl. When he patted the empty place beside him on the bench, she came to him willingly ”I thought it was you.” She took the seat, careful to keep her distance, angling her body so she could see him. Although they sat in darkness, the stars cast enough light so she could make out his features.

”I must have walked right past you. Were you sitting on the bench over there?” His voice was quiet and kind, and Faith felt herself relax.

”Yeah. It's been kind of crazy lately.” She stared across the expanse of frosty gra.s.s toward the towering plywood walls. ”I guess I needed some time alone.”

Jordan followed her gaze and waited a moment. ”I know what you mean.”

There was an uncomfortable silence, and Faith could sense him searching for something to say. Something that didn't involve the statue or the fact that common sense said they were crazy to be sitting on a bench in a hidden comer of the park in the middle of the night.

He turned to her and seemed to force a smile. ”Tell me about the little Asian girl.”

Her gaze fell, and she tried to still her racing heart. ”Rosa Lee?”

”I don't know...” He changed positions so that he was closer than before. ”She was by your side at the protest the other day I saw her with you on the news.”

Faith gulped and tried to concentrate. Something about being in his presence was making her feel thirteen again, like they were only pretending to be adults locked in a legal battle. ”She's... she's a foster child. Sometimes she reminds me of you.” Suddenly her heart soared at the chance to share her deepest feelings with him. ”She wants me to adopt her.”

Jordan's smile seemed more genuine this time. ”That's won-derful. Will you? Adopt her, I mean?”

”Oh, I don't know” She felt the corners of her mouth lift some. ”Actually, I'm praying about it.” Faith thought of the little girl and how close they'd grown in the past weeks. ”I keep waiting for a real family to show some interest. You know, with a mom and dad. I think she deserves that.” She hesitated, not sure if she should tell him. ”Besides, my next job might take me away...”

He searched her eyes. ”Away?”

She nodded. ”I got a call today from the station's compet.i.tion. A national network. They're considering me for a spot.”

Jordan's eyes lit up, and for the first time that night his grin reminded her of the boy he'd once been. ”For the national news? Faith, that's great!” He reached for her hands and squeezed them, then as the moment faded he let go and crossed his arms tightly against his chest.

Faith couldn't bring herself to tell him the rest of the conver-sation. The network executive had acknowledged that Faith was embroiled in a national legal battle. ”Be careful,” he'd told her. ”Don't do anything too extreme. And keep a low profile. I have to be honest with you, prayer rallies, protests, that kind of thing won't look good, Ms. Evans.”

She and Jordan fell quiet, and an icy breeze kicked up a pile of long-dead leaves. Faith angled her head, studying Jordan. She wanted desperately to know the thoughts that filled his head. Was he here to strategize his next move? Or was he drawn to the past the way she was so often these days? Talk to me, Jordan...like old times... ”What are you thinking?” Her voice was soft, allowing him the right to refuse to answer.

He shrugged and met her gaze. ”About Heidi.”

Faith's heart melted. He was the same; deep inside he was still the same. ”I think about her a lot. Especially since...”