Part 7 (1/2)

”Faith, I've never loved anyone like I love you.” There had been unshed tears in his eyes, tears that at the time seemed utterly genuine. He let go with one hand and reached into his coat pocket, pulling out a velvet box. As though he'd practiced for the moment, he opened it in a single move. There inside lay a diamond ring bigger than any Faith had ever seen. ”Marry me, Faith.”

The memory faded, and she gritted her teeth, noticing that her hands were clenched. Even now, when she was glad for not having made the mistake of marrying him, the anger and hurt he'd caused her. still lay in the open places of her heart. If only she'd seen it coming back then.

Rosa caught her gaze and waved at her. ”Hi, Faith!”

Faith's love for the child made her heart swell. ”Hi, sweetie!”

Confident that Faith was there for her, watching her, Rosa returned to her play. Faith glanced down at her hands, remem-bering how she'd gone home a week after Mike proposed and shown the diamond ring to her parents. They'd met Mike by then, and though her mother was thrilled with the idea of their engagement, her father had been wary.

”Something about him doesn't ring true.” Her father had stroked his beard thoughtfully. ”I can't put my finger on it, but it makes me worried for you, Faith. I have to be honest.”

She'd only given her father a teasing smile and a quick kiss on the cheek. ”Would any man ever be good enough, Daddy?”

There was just one aspect of their relations.h.i.+p that caused Faith any private doubt. Mike hadn't wanted to set a wedding date. She could still hear his weak excuses. ”I need to focus on my career right now, Faith. It'd be impossible to be married and keep up my performance as an athlete.” He'd weave his fingers through her hair and pull her close, kissing her. ”You under-stand, right?”

And she had. After all, he'd been a perfect gentleman, respecting her determination to stay pure, at least respecting it until his marriage offer. Faith had her own apartment, and certainly they'd had their moments of temptation, but always he found his way to the front door before midnight and without putting any pres-sure on her. They prayed together, attended church together, and talked of having a G.o.dly marriage, one that the Lord Himself would bless for all time.

Faith uttered a sad laugh.

In the end, her father's doubts had been more genuine than anything Mike had promised. The changes came after the engagement, and though they were subtle, they were persistent. ”We're practically married, Faith...” he'd whisper as he kissed her neck, running his hands along her sides. ”Do you really think G.o.d would care if I stayed the night? Just this once.”

Week after week Faith could feel her resolve wearing thin, but still she refused his attempts. ”We've waited this long, Mike. It's important to me. To both of us, right?”

”Please, Faith... just one time...”

Three months after getting engaged, when they were alone in her apartment well after midnight, she couldn't find the words to tell him no, couldn't hold back from welcoming his embrace and finally giving in to the physical love they'd both been resisting. Six weeks later a home pregnancy test confirmed what she already knew.

She was a Christian sportscaster carrying the baby of one of the players on the team she covered.

Faith felt nauseous as she remembered what happened next. She'd told Mike about the baby and suggested they set a quick wedding date, but he was distant and vague, careful not to make promises. Why didn't I see it coming, Lord? Faith's unspoken question hung in the rafters of her mind even now. It was behind her; it had to be. Forgotten as though it had never happened...

The sun was s.h.i.+fting and a chill pa.s.sed over her. It was almost time to get Rosa back to her foster home. She blinked and tried to forget the way the story ended but there was no getting around it. For the next month Mike seemed always too busy to return her phone calls.

It wasn't until she saw a newspaper photo of him with one of the team cheerleaders that she figured it out.

She'd broken down and cried when he finally called her a week later. ”How could you?”

”Listen, Faith, you're too serious for me. I'm not ready to settle down.”

She had been so distraught she'd spent the afternoon fighting violent bouts of nausea and anxiety. The bleeding started later that night, and by the next morning she had lost everything that might remind her of Mike Dillan. At the end of the month she took his diamond ring to a p.a.w.nshop and hocked it to pay her hospital bills.

The only person who ever knew about the baby was her father, and his support had been exactly what Faith had expected. ”I'm sorry, honey” He held her, stroked her hair and comforted her as he'd done when she was little, back when having an argu-ment with a girlfriend was the worst thing that happened to her. No snide remarks or reminders about how he'd seen it coming, no chastis.e.m.e.nts on how she should have known better than to date a professional athlete. No digs about Mike's supposed belief in G.o.d and how that had turned out to be nothing more than good public relations for his high profile persona.

Only understanding and grace.

The same grace G.o.d Himself had extended her when the ordeal was over. Faith's throat was thick with the memories, and she swallowed back a wave of tears. G.o.d had never turned His back on her. Not then, and not years later when she had her acci-dent. Not even when her father died.

No, G.o.d had been there through it all.

She thought about Jordan, how she had long since given up the idea that she'd ever see him again and somehow she knew the Lord had His hand in that too. Had she ever felt so at ease with another man? She knew she hadn't. Though she'd been attracted to Mike, she'd been cautious from the beginning. First because of their professional conflicts, then because of her father's concerns. Her subtle fears about Mike had been easy to bury, but now, in light of her time with Jordan, the difference was striking.

No one had ever made her feel the way Jordan did. Maybe because she had loved him back when they were so young.

Faith noticed the sun making its way toward the horizon and she locked her attention on Rosa. Poor, girl. Lord, give her a fam-ily, please...

She cupped her hands around her mouth. ”Rosa, let's go, honey.”

The little girl jumped up and waved at her new friends. Then she ran up and circled her arms around Faith's neck. ”Is it time to go?”

Faith's heart felt as though it had slipped through a hole in her left sock.” Yes, sweetie pie. Your foster mom's expecting you back.”

Rosa stared across the park toward the Jesus statue. ”Know what I asked Jesus for today?” She angled her head in Faith's direction and grinned, her eyes filled with light.

”What?”

”I asked Him to let you be my mommy.”

There was a choking feeling at the back of Faith's throat as she fought more tears. What's this feeling I have, Lord? I can't he her mother, You know that I can hardy take care of myself Be strong and courageous, my daughter. Life is not lived within the safety of walls.

Faith gulped back a sob as she knelt and hugged Rosa. After a moment she drew back, looking straight into the child's soul. ”Oh, honey I would love to be your mommy. There couldn't be any better daughter for me than you.”

Rosa's eyes glowed with hope. ”You mean you'll do it then? You'll take me home to live with you?”

”Sweetheart... I don't know.” There was nothing she could do about the tears and Faith held the girl close once more so she wouldn't see them. Why was she feeling this way-as though she'd been born to love this little girl? Faith wiped her cheeks and looked at Rosa again. ”I'll ask Him the same thing, okay?”

Rosa's smile took up most of her face as she tucked her small hand into Faith's. ”My Sunday school teacher says that Jesus always hears us, even when we don't get the answer we want.”

Discreetly, Faith wiped away another release of tears. ”That's right, honey.”

Rosa stared across the park again. ”Know why I like the Jesus statue?”

”Why?” They walked without any sense of purpose, both reluctant to see the afternoon end.

”Because it makes me know how big Jesus is.” Rosa released her grip on Faith's hand and stretched her arms as far as they could go in either direction. ”Bigger than anything in the whole wide world.”

Faith caught the girl's fingers again and squeezed them gently. ”Don't you ever forget it, honey Don't ever forget it.”

Rosa's words still played in Faith's mind that evening as she got ready for work. The news didn't start until eleven, but she had to be there four hours early to write and edit her newscast. Ultimately d.i.c.k Baker had final editorial say over what aired, but Faith liked to think she played some role in shaping the flavor of Philadelphia's news.

I'd come in six hours early if they'd give me a little more influence...

She pulled a navy rayon blouse from her closet and slipped it on. Her bedroom was smaller now that she'd moved back into her parents' house, but it had been the smartest thing she could do at the time. Besides, she. and her mom were agreeable room-mates, and with Dad gone now and Sarah married, it made no sense for Faith to live across town alone.

Faith wished her mother were here now, but she'd gone to Chicago for eight weeks to help her sister recover from ankle surgery. Faith's mother had planned the trip months before her father's death, and they'd both felt the trip might actually do her some good, get her out of the house.

But her absence left the house too quiet.