Part 19 (1/2)

”Sy Alt,” said Roy, ”was the last person likely to get hit by a car. He was seldom on foot except inside an office or courtroom, although he hated to drive. I guess it made sense that he had no interest in cars. When he came to my place, only once or twice in all the years he represented me, he would walk in and out without turning his head to look at the collection.”

Roy continued to speak nervously about Sy, giving an impromptu eulogy of the man. By this means he cowardly delayed revealing what had become of his friends.h.i.+p with Sam, an unbearable subject to address, all the more so in view of Kristin's current mood, which aside from an appropriate gravity in listening to what he said about Alt, was seemingly happier than he had ever seen her. This was subtle, and could have been imagined, but she looked at him with evident affection and spoke in a new, intimate tone. It was as if she felt even closer to him in this routine act of providing a lift than when making love. She was comfortable with him, and in fact this made him less so than he already was.

”You didn't know Sy, but I did and more often than not thought him a pain in the neck even though he was acting in my own interest. I played golf with him though I'm not good at the game, and I was bored out of my skull by the other members of the foursomes he put together.” He did not specify who these people were, for they often included bankers, at least once Kristin's predecessor at First United. ”Anyway, he's gone now, and I'll miss him.”

After Roy concluded his remarks Kristin drove for a decent interval in silence. They were nearing the place he called home when, smiling warmly, she said, ”Roy, I've made a decision. I'm no good at being false. I feel creepy when I try to lie, and even worse if I'm caught at it.” Turning into his driveway, she kept her eyes on where the car was going. ”I don't know how you feel, though. You're as close to Sam as I am. What I want to do is tell him.”

Roy nodded miserably but said nothing.

Kristin braked and turned off the ignition. She took his hand in hers. ”I don't think I should do this without your permission.”

”I honestly don't know what I'd answer under other circ.u.mstances,” he lied. ”But Sam already knows.”

She let go of him and clasped her hands to her lowered head.

”He tricked me!” Roy cried.

Her incredulous face came up. ”I don't understand.”

”It was really a filthy trick. He told me you had confessed.”

”You believed him?”

Roy had not antic.i.p.ated how this would seem from her side, but still.... ”What could I have done? Called him a liar? What kind of man would lie in that case?”

Kristin's lips were contorted. ”Apparently you don't know him as well as I do.”

”Just because you know somebody for years doesn't mean you know everything about him. But you ought to get some idea of his basic character. I'm saying 'him' here, because I mean a man. I doubt this applies to women, though I haven't known any for long enough to say, except of course my sister.”

”Do you know why she broke up with Sam years ago?”

”I've always wondered. She would never tell me.” Looking at Kristin, he saw rain begin to fall against the window beyond her.

”This is his version,” Kristin said, carefully enunciating her words. ”She accused him of being your father's lover when he was a young teenager.”

Roy spoke quickly. ”Robin is probably capable of something like that. She was the one hardest hit by finding out my father was gay. I can't say I didn't care, but I never liked him anyway. I was crazy about my mother. I blamed him for her leaving, which no doubt was true, but in the end he acted more responsibly than she in looking after us. She didn't want custody. My dad did. When I look back, I think better of him than I did when he was alive.”

”What about the accusation?”

It was as if he had forgotten it. ”Oh, that was not true, not true at all! The last thing my father did was ever show us any hint of that, and Sam was like a member of the family. To make a pa.s.s at my best friend would have been out of the question. My father was very discreet about his private life. Throughout the years I never saw him with anyone who could conceivably have been a boyfriend, unless some of his business a.s.sociates doubled as that, and they were as old or older than he. Not to mention that Sam has never shown any gay tendencies as long as I've known him.” Roy snorted in derision. ”He and I spent all our free time together in those days. When he would have had the opportunity to submit to my father's, uh, seduction I don't know-providing my father would have done that under any circ.u.mstances.”

”Would he have done it in the case of a sixteen-year-old who wasn't your friend?”

The rain had increased in force, drumming on the roof and continuously was.h.i.+ng the window he faced. ”I don't think so. My father, believe it or not, was pretty straitlaced. He was a reactionary except maybe in being gay. I can't see him pursuing a minor, which is against the law, isn't it?”

”What if,” Kristin asked, ”Sam confirmed it?”

Roy hung his head. ”No, no, that's not right. There's nothing right about it.” He punched the dashboard. ”He oughtn't say that sort of thing. That isn't a joke. He's in a crazy mood nowadays. I've never seen him like this. Maybe it's the medication. Trouble is, he was wrong when he first accused us, but then events proved him right.”

”I don't think we can blame it on events,” said she. ”It was us-h.e.l.l, it was me. I can't blame it on you.” She held his face in her hands and kissed him on the lips but sweetly, not erotically. ”I just wanted you.”

”I wasn't an innocent bystander,” said Roy, savoring the taste of her fragrant mouth. He seized her hands as she was withdrawing them. ”G.o.d, how I adore you.”

”I could never have guessed how affectionate you are.” She gave him a melting smile and kept her eyes on his. ”Oh, my,” she said fervently. ”Let's run inside!”

They dashed through an intense cloudburst, which seemed to be timed precisely for their inundation, as if a great vat of water had been emptied directly overhead. It was the kind of harmless catastrophe that, along with ruining one's clothes by means of mud or wind or playing with a pet, can be hilarious between lovers, and when Roy could not immediately locate his doorkey, they were further soaked by the even funnier gush from a lofty gargoyle poorly mounted for serious roof drainage.

”This is a great goofy kind of place for you to live,” said Kristin, as they finally gained entrance to the stout door and dripped on the hexagonal tiles of the vestibule below the staircase. ”I've forgotten what you told us about who built it.”

She and Sam had been there just once. Roy always considered it as a novelty, especially his residence in it, and showed it as such. But he had not wanted to bore them and did not let them stay long. The three of them had soon adjourned to a restaurant. Those were the days when Kristin admittedly had had a low opinion of him. He was now somewhat disturbed that she would bring up an experience they had had that included Sam. And not only included him: Sam was the central figure in the trio, the only one who enjoyed the confidence of the other two.

”I'll tell you about the guy later,” Roy said as they hustled up the stairs. ”I don't have time now.”

She had never been so beautiful as she was now, swathed in wet clothing, wet hair compressed against her perfect head, waterdrops still dripping from her eyelashes.

By the time they had reached the bedroom, both were naked except for those garments that could not be conveniently shed while holding one's own in what, on the final lap to the bed, became a sprint.

”I won!” Kristin cried as her knee was first to touch down, and then immediately added, as her entire body followed, rolled over, and lay supine, ”You let me.”

Roy was soon in the same position beside her. ”Why do you say that?”

”I guess I don't want to compete with you.” She rolled about, removing her remaining underwear.

”Gee, it's all right with me if you do,” he said on a rising note. He wouldn't take that seriously.

She collided with him. He could feel the immanent strength in her long, lithe person, which however slender was not in the least fragile against his bulk.

He lost himself in an act of love that became a continuum, with no remembered beginning and no antic.i.p.ation of an end. It seemed all of life, now and forever. Then, when it was finally done, it had been but a measureless moment.

Once again the sky had lost its light while they were joined together. Tonight was even darker because of the rain still hurling itself against the leaded, multipaned windows.

They had only just let each other go at last when Roy reclutched her desperately.

”Stay here. Don't go home.”

”I'd love to,” Kristin whispered. ”How I'd love to.... But I can't. I just can't.”

”But he knows. He must realize we're together right now.”

She sat up abruptly. ”That clock of yours-Oh, nooo!”

He glanced at the big red numerals of the liquid-crystal display: 9:47. That was certainly unbelievable, but provided even more support for his cause.

He reached to switch on the bedside lamp. Kristin had become even lovelier through the uses of love, with now mostly dried but more disheveled hair and skin very near the pellucidity of pearl.

”You said before that you wanted to tell him-when you didn't know he knew.”

”Yes.” She sank back on the pillow. ”I had made up my mind.” She put her hands across her eyes. ”So when I heard he already knew, you can imagine how I felt.”

”You can be proud of the nerve it took to reach your decision. You took the high ground. I didn't have the guts for it. I lied.”