Part 9 (2/2)

”It need not always be pain, Talia. Surely you connect with other emotions.”

She paused, then nodded. ”Usually only after I've known the animal, though. I

generally don't have an animal long enough to have much experience with that.” Just Marblehead, Beatrice's old torn. She connected with him effortlessly and usually it warmed her. But that was rare.

”Empaths, at least in our time...”Our time. He did that, talked about them as if they were both of his time. As if she were little more than a visitor in her own. Oddly, if she thought about it, hadn't she always felt like that? A misfit, an outcast?”... must have some strong feeling about their subject to make the connection.

Your connection with these unknown beasties is your empathizing with their suffering. For one as sensitive as you, this qualifies as a strong feeling. But the feeling can manifest itself in other ways. There might be depression, pain, even hate. But there can also be joy. Elation. Love.”

There weren't many people who'd had the full measure of her love. Beatrice, her mother. Both beyond her reach now. If she'd connected with her mother, she hadn't recalled it. And she'd never thought to try with Beatrice. It had certainly never simply happened on its own.

Someday I'll show you a place where your powers are revered.

Her mother's words rang clearly in her mind, the memory obviously provoked by Baleweg's reminiscences. She wanted to clap her hands over her ears, drown out both Baleweg and her mother. Yet another part of her undeniably yearned to reach out and embrace that possible truth.

”Okay.” She swore under her breath, then took another slow, steadying one.

”Tell me again what to do. I'll try.”

Baleweg turned to her and drifted his hand over her eyes. As always, his touch sent a ripple of odd, yet immensely pleasurable sensations over her. Her eyes shut as his hand pa.s.sed over them.

”Clear your mind of all voices save mine.”

She tried her best, then nodded.

”You must think of someone you feel strongly about.”

She nodded again, though she had no one left to focus her thoughts on. She'd

tried everyone she could think of already. Stella, her head kennel a.s.sistant. They weren't overly close-she wasn't overly close with anyone-but she did like the teenager. Nothing. She'd tried a few of the residents at the Lodge whom she was fond of. Nothing there, either.

She thought about the vet, Ken. He was a nice enough guy. What the h.e.l.l. She

focused on him, then nodded to signal her readiness.

”No noise, Talia. Block it out. Hear nothing. Smell nothing. See nothing.

Focus your mind on the essence of this person, yet visualize no images.”

Kindness. Distraction. Focus. Frustration. All these things were the essence of Ken. He was so bighearted, yet saw nothing beyond his desire to help animals, often frustrated by his own limitations, Talia took a deep breath, trying to keep her mind blank.

”Reach out and touch this essence, pull it inside yourself, make it your own.

Feel what he feels.”

Talia tried, ignoring how Baleweg knew it was a he. It was awkward and she felt inordinately clumsy. With animals there was no effort needed. Their feelings simply invaded her and took over. Originally it had happened so swiftly she'd had no control over it and had frequently been swamped with sudden raging pain. She'd learned over the years to build a defense, a warning system of sorts. She still couldn't keep the pain away, but she could brace herself. She wasn't often blindsided, but then, she rarely put herself in a position for nasty surprises.

But this... this reaching out into the blankness, seeking a connection rather than simply accepting one that was reaching for her... It was impossible.

”Do not give up. Remain in the darkness, yet open yourself.”

Talia tried, really she did. Then she had a sudden vision of Obi Wan Ken.o.bi intoning ”Let the force be with you” over Luke Skywalker's ecstatic face and lost it altogether. She managed to not burst out laughing, but the moment was irretrievably lost. She opened her eyes and turned away, hoping he didn't see the lingering humor in her eyes. ”I'm sorry. There's nothing there.”

”This is no game we're playing, Talia.”

For the first time she heard a sharp edge in his tone. She spun back, all images of Obi Wan gone. ”I understand that. But I'm not feeling anything.”

”Perhaps you need a different subject.”

”I don't have a different subject!” She was yelling now. Suddenly and

overwhelmingly, all the things that had happened in the last twenty-four hours came cras.h.i.+ng down on her. ”I've gone through everyone I know and it's a short list. I keep to myself, okay? I'm a loner, a recluse, a hermit, whatever

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