Part 42 (1/2)

”I don't know much about it,” I explained hastily as I didn't want to hurt his feelings or deny him anything he wished to have. ”It could be dangerous and I don't wish to harm you.”

He nodded. ”I get that.”

I smiled again. ”Maybe when I know more, when I know if it's safe, I'll conjure it again and you can.”

Noc smiled again too. ”That'd be cool.”

”I just, well, I just had to share.” I leaned back into him, lifting the hand that had sparked blue and wrapping it around the warm, silken skin covering hardness at his biceps. ”It's impossible to explain. Being out there with Valentine and Lavinia. Being given a gift I didn't want but the instant I received it I knew how precious it was. Understanding more of who I am, what's inside me, that there are women who have the same and they're not like my mother. I don't have words to describe the magnificence and I know it's late. I shouldn't have woken you but I just had to share it with someone. And you know who I am, what I have inside me. Outside of Josette, Valentine and Lavinia, you're the only one. And I know I can trust you with all of it.”

”Yeah, you can,” he replied with a smile, but there was a firmness to his tone that I liked very much. This he coupled with resting a hand on the side of my waist and giving me a squeeze. ”And seriously pleased you woke me up to share, sweetheart, and totally stoked to hear you dug the experience.”

I nodded up at him enthusiastically, not sure what ”stoked” meant but I did know what ”dug” meant thus affirmed, ”I did, Noc. I very much did.”

He looked down at me with an indulgent expression.

We stood standing close, staring at each other and touching lightly for some time before I realized neither of us was speaking.

Suddenly feeling awkward, I cast a glance at his disheveled bed, took my hand from his arm and stepped back, forcing Noc's hand to fall from my waist.

My eyes to the rug at my side, I stated, ”I woke you, now I should let you sleep.”

”We could go raid the kitchens,” he curiously suggested.

I looked back to him. ”Pardon?”

”Babe, you don't look any less wired than you did when you walked in here. That means raid the kitchen, or hitch up a sleigh and go joyriding through Fyngaard, or find ourselves a bottle of whiskey and get slaughtered.”

I was definitely peckish.

And I always enjoyed a lovely libation.

”I choose the first and the last,” I shared.

To that, Noc's smile went white and wide, and promptly after he strode from the room into his dressing room. He came back wearing one of his attractive, long-sleeved s.h.i.+rts that had no b.u.t.tons (and I'd discovered all of them were of an oddly stretchy material).

He handed me a ball of wool that I realized were a pair of his socks just as he sat on the couch by the fire and pulled his own ball of wool open.

”Put those on to keep your feet warm,” he ordered.

He was concerned about my comfort, did something about it, and that something was as intimate as me wearing his clothing.

There was a loveliness to this I shouldn't allow myself the opportunity to feel.

I did not delay even a second in sitting beside Noc to pull his socks on my feet.

When I had the over-large, warm wool on, he was up and I was too, as he'd grabbed my hand and pulled me that way.

”Let's go, sugarlips.”

I rolled my eyes at his irksome endearment.

But I said nothing.

My hand in Noc's, we went to raid the kitchens and get ”slaughtered” on whiskey.

This we did.

And I enjoyed every second.

Better, with delight he did not hide from me for a second, Noc did too.

Chapter Twelve.

Dr. Zhivago Franka It was time.

Weeks I had waited to get on with things-as Noc would say, close the book on my old life and start the first chapter on the new-and it was finally time.

But now that it was, I didn't want it to be time.

This was, I knew, because I was standing at the window of my bedroom looking down at Kristian's and my sleighs being packed. Ahead of them, more sleighs were being readied to take Finnie and Frey, Cora and Tor, Circe and Lahn...and Noc to Sudvic to start Noc's adventure.

We would be parted for months.

I did not want that.

Anything could happen in months. Months was a long time.

He could find a young beautiful maiden in Hawkvale, fall in love, decide to stay in this world. Or he could wish her to live in his own and bring her back with him.

Or he could think on me and wonder why he was so kind and friendly, supportive and caring, teasing and sweet, and use the time to grow distant so that when we met again, I had none of him at all.

A knock came at the door and I was so deep in my thoughts, I jumped and turned to it, mouth opening to call to the person beyond to enter.

My mouth shut and tightened, out of habit mostly, because I needn't have bothered with the effort of parting my lips.

The door was already closing behind Noc.

I watched him saunter to me, grinning. ”All the action's downstairs, sugarlips.”

”I have seen sleighs packed before, many times, starting from the moment I could cipher,” I reminded him. ”It's hardly fascinating.”

Noc stopped in front of me and looked down out of my window. ”If it's not interesting,” he said to the window before turning his attention to me, still grinning, ”why are you watching it from up here?”

I stared into his face, his extraordinary eyes, remembering suddenly every moment from that first he'd walked into the sitting room to make me feel better after Minerva and her companions were bested, all of our moments layering, interweaving, making me feel warm...

And bereft.