Part 7 (1/2)
He kissed my throat, taking advantage of the position. ”Now you're catching on.” His warm breath sent gooseflesh over my damp skin.
”Do you think they'll be okay?”
I twisted a strand of his hair around my fingertip.
He nodded. We shared concern about Alli and Heath's future, though they were probably disturbing the peace in Blake's spare bedroom as we spoke.
”What will he do now?”
”He'll stay with me for a little while to start, until we figure out his next move. In the meantime, I'll be getting him more involved at work. He needs to finally take the business seriously. He's been s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g around too long because I've let him. But responsibility is probably what he needs more than anything right now-something or someone to be accountable to other than his own superficial needs.”
”I can't believe you did this for them. You didn't seem very optimistic about things before.”
”I wasn't.”
”What changed?”
He s.h.i.+fted beneath me and I sat back a little, sensing he needed s.p.a.ce for what he wanted to say. He drenched the fine strands of his hair with the soapy bath water. I traced my hands over the hard curves of his pectorals. There was nothing s.e.xier than wet Blake.
I tore myself away from the mental inventory of Blake's s.e.xiest qualities to press him. ”Talk.”
He sighed. ”I don't know. I guess I became more sympathetic to his position. Not the drug thing. Obviously I can't relate to that. But the desperation in his voice when he talked about Alli. Like he couldn't breathe without her, like anything he had left in him that was keeping him going, which probably wasn't much, was draining by the day not being near her.”
He paused, dropped his hands into the water, and stroked my hips with his thumbs, tightening his hold possessively.
”He loves her.” I finished his thought, as convinced as ever of what they shared.
”I know he does. The way he sounds when they aren't together, that's how I feel every time you run away from me. And I couldn't wish that on anyone else.”
My heart shattered. All the times I'd pushed him away, out of fear, self-preservation, and pure, justifiable rage. But every time I did, my heart ached for him, a bone-deep pain that weakened me at the very core. A part of me wanted to keep that line drawn between us, keep him at a safe distance from my professional life. But fighting it so hard left me in pieces.
”I'm sorry.” My voice was heavy with emotion.
He hushed me and pulled me closer so our bodies were flush. Wet, we slid against each other. His skin on mine, his arms wrapped around me, we were so close. Awareness simmered low in my belly, coiling slowly with every touch, but our motions were careful and deliberate as we caressed each other with infinite care. I was overwhelmed, racked by the potent emotions that had taken over in his presence.
Maybe Marie had been right. We'd pa.s.sed the point of being the best we could be on our own. What we were together had become so much more powerful, a force that took my breath away and made everything secondary. As much as I hated to admit it, Blake Landon was fast becoming everything to me.
With every stroke of our tongues, roam of our hands, my heart swelled with love. With trust. As my touches became urgent, Blake's became more controlled, gentler when they should have possessed me with the fierce craving that we shared for each other. I pulled back, determined tonight would be different.
”I want you to take control tonight.”
He leveled an even stare at me.
”Complete control. Whatever you need.” I kept my voice steady even as I worried what I was getting myself into.
His body tensed beneath me. ”Erica, we're not doing this, okay?”
”I love you and I want to do this for you. I trust you to take me as far as you think I can go. I... I can't promise anything because I don't know what you want exactly, but I want to try.”
”Stop.”
He s.h.i.+fted, giving me a little push to move back. A panic welled up in me.
”No, wait. Please.” I sighed and pressed my temples, hating what I was about to admit. ”A part of me...even when I'm fighting you every step of the way, there's a part of me that wants to give you control over everything. Real life submission.” I cringed inwardly at the words as they left me. ”The thought of letting go... I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a tempting and intoxicating notion. I've been taking care of myself for so long.”
He brushed his knuckles over my cheek, and warmth washed over me. He was hearing me. I wanted to believe that he could somehow understand, sense the weight I carried with so few people to really rely on.
”You take care of people, and I know I could trust you with anything I gave you. I recognize that and I fight it, because it scares the h.e.l.l out of me. I can't give you that much control in my life. I just can't. But I think with s.e.x, I could give you the kind of control that you want.”
”How are you supposed to do that? Flip a switch?”
”I think I can. I-”
”What about everything you've been through? How can you possibly think the things I want are healthy for you?”
”I don't know what you want. Show me and I'll tell you.”
He sighed heavily. ”Erica, you're a strong, independent woman. Unlike anyone I've ever met. You prove it to me every day, no matter how difficult I make it for you. And I don't want to try to take that away from you, to bend you to do things that you really don't want to.”
”How do you know I don't want it?”
He shook his head and looked away. ”What if I take things too far, and it's something we can't come back from?”
”I trust you.”
I kissed him, reveling in the silken friction of our bodies beneath the water. He was hard. Maybe he already had plans. I'd show him I could be the right person for whatever he needed. Then a chilling thought crept into my mind.
Sophia.
I wasn't sure I'd even said her name out loud until Blake's expression turned cold. His lips tightened into a thin line.
”Don't, baby. We're not going there.”
”No, wait. Was she on board for all this submissive stuff that turns you on so much?”
He hesitated.
”Just tell me,” I snapped. I didn't want to dance around this with him.
He paused for a long moment. He nodded slowly, avoiding my eyes.
As quickly as he'd acknowledged the question, I wished he hadn't. f.u.c.king Sophia. I hated her now more than I had before. The jealousy nearly paralyzed me. Being physically compared to Blake's model ex-girlfriend was hard enough. To know she'd been what he wanted s.e.xually was almost more than I could take. I shrank back to my side of the tub. The water was becoming uncomfortably cool.
He eyed me. ”It wasn't a matter of her agetting on board' with things. She wanted to be submissive with me. It was her G.o.dd.a.m.n idea. Needless to say, taking a dominant role with her wasn't much of a challenge. But she always wanted to push things further. The things she wanted me to do bordered on dangerous at times. That's not what I want with you. But being in that kind of relations.h.i.+p for as long as we were...”
”It's what you crave now.” I finished his thought, knowing it was true before he could confirm it.
”Sometimes, yes.”
”The things we've done, were you testing me, to see what I could take?”