Part 14 (1/2)
But Mermen didn't seem to care Much time (as far as I'm aware) With CLEGGS'S legs to spend; Though Mermaids swam around all day And gazed, exclaiming, ”THAT'S the way A gentleman should end!
”A pair of legs with well-cut knees, And calves and ankles such as these Which we in rapture hail, Are far more eloquent, it's clear (When clothed in silk and kerseymere), Than any nasty tail.”
And CLEGGS--a worthy kind old boy - Rejoiced to add to others' joy, And, when the day was dry, Because it pleased the lookers-on, He sat from morn till night--though con- St.i.tutionally shy.
At first the Mermen laughed, ”Pooh! pooh!”
But finally they jealous grew, And sounded loud recalls; But vainly. So these fishy males Declared they too would clothe their tails In silken hose and smalls.
They set to work, these water-men, And made their nether robes--but when They drew with dainty touch The kerseymere upon their tails, They found it sc.r.a.ped against their scales, And hurt them very much.
The silk, besides, with which they chose To deck their tails by way of hose (They never thought of shoon), For such a use was much too thin, - It tore against the caudal fin, And ”went in ladders” soon.
So they designed another plan: They sent their most seductive man This note to him to show - ”Our Monarch sends to CAPTAIN CLEGGS His humble compliments, and begs He'll join him down below;
”We've pleasant homes below the sea - Besides, if CAPTAIN CLEGGS should be (As our advices say) A judge of Mermaids, he will find Our lady-fish of every kind Inspection will repay.”
Good CAPEL sent a kind reply, For CAPEL thought he could descry An admirable plan To study all their ways and laws - (But not their lady-fish, because He was a married man).
The Merman sank--the Captain too Jumped overboard, and dropped from view Like stone from catapult; And when he reached the Merman's lair, He certainly was welcomed there, But, ah! with what result?
They didn't let him learn their law, Or make a note of what he saw, Or interesting mem.: The lady-fish he couldn't find, But that, of course, he didn't mind - He didn't come for them.
For though, when CAPTAIN CAPEL sank, The Mermen drawn in double rank Gave him a hearty hail, Yet when secure of CAPTAIN CLEGGS, They cut off both his lovely legs, And gave him SUCH a tail!
When CAPTAIN CLEGGS returned aboard, His blithesome crew convulsive roar'd, To see him altered so.
The Admiralty did insist That he upon the Half-pay List Immediately should go.
In vain declared the poor old salt, ”It's my misfortune--not my fault,”
With tear and trembling lip - In vain poor CAPEL begged and begged.
”A man must be completely legged Who rules a British s.h.i.+p.”
So spake the stern First Lord aloud - He was a wag, though very proud, And much rejoiced to say, ”You're only half a captain now - And so, my worthy friend, I vow You'll only get half-pay!”
Ballad: ANNIE PROTHEROE. A LEGEND OF STRATFORD-LE-BOW.
Oh! listen to the tale of little ANNIE PROTHEROE.
She kept a small post-office in the neighbourhood of BOW; She loved a skilled mechanic, who was famous in his day - A gentle executioner whose name was GILBERT CLAY.
I think I hear you say, ”A dreadful subject for your rhymes!”
O reader, do not shrink--he didn't live in modern times!
He lived so long ago (the sketch will show it at a glance) That all his actions glitter with the lime-light of Romance.
In busy times he laboured at his gentle craft all day - ”No doubt you mean his Cal-craft,” you amusingly will say - But, no--he didn't operate with common bits of string, He was a Public Headsman, which is quite another thing.
And when his work was over, they would ramble o'er the lea, And sit beneath the frondage of an elderberry tree, And ANNIE'S simple prattle entertained him on his walk, For public executions formed the subject of her talk.