Part 19 (1/2)

”So was it honestly your first time?” Cicely interrupts.

”What?”

”Last night, you and Christopher?”

”We relate to each other,” Ruby offers. ”That's all I'll say.”

”Your soul must be as dark as his, then,” Alice says. ”I would not want my first time to be with Christopher. I dated him, I should know. Not to mention the size of it.” She looks at Cicely and fans the air, as if cooling off a good sweat.

”You used to call it the cuc.u.mber the cuc.u.mber,” Cicely says, pulling a cuc.u.mber spear from her gla.s.s and giving it an obscene shake.

”You guys, stop, please,” Ruby says. How could Chris have been with Alice-okay, she's pretty, in a blond, emaciated way-but how could he have allowed her access to his body? Whatever went on between them was some other thing, unlike what she shared last night. It must must have been-Alice could not have drawn that kind of tenderness and attention from Chris. No way. have been-Alice could not have drawn that kind of tenderness and attention from Chris. No way.

”I want to know what position,” Cicely says.

”I'm not talking about it-”

”Did it hurt?”

”I guess.”

”You guess guess?”

”Did you bleed a lot?”

”Well...”

”No?” Alice shoots Cicely a look. ”Did he put it all the way in?”

”I'm not talking about this!” Ruby stands, drink in hand, and begins to move toward the hallway. She'll find Chris and they'll just get out of here, forget about Calvin and her overnight bag, enough is enough-but someone is suddenly right there, nearly cras.h.i.+ng into her. The b.l.o.o.d.y Mary bobbles in her hand. She looks up and comes face-to-face with Dorian.

”Watch it!” Dorian says, and then, ”Oh, you. you.”

Ruby steps away from her, shaking tomato juice off her fingers. ”I'm not looking for trouble.”

Dorian stares, blinks, swallows. Her face looks drawn, mouth slack. Small crescents of white show under her irises as if her eyeb.a.l.l.s are threatening to roll back into her skull. She wears a long T-s.h.i.+rt that barely covers her panties. Her stick-like legs are splotchy, as if they've been slapped.

She steps past Ruby and joins the others at the table. ”What's she doing here?”

”Dodo, be nice,” Cicely says. ”Ruby lost her virginity last night.”

”To Christopher,” Alice snarls.

Dorian stares at Ruby and then says without much inflection, ”Hooray.” Ruby stands frozen in the doorway, ready for anything. Dorian adds, ”Are you going to the kitchen? Can you bring me something to drink? Anything. Anything with alcohol in it.”

”Um, OK,” Ruby says, releasing a pent-up breath. Is this a truce? She turns once again toward the kitchen-and again nearly walks into someone, a guy in a blue football jersey, who has also emerged from the sleeping wing of the house. He must be the one who was with Dorian in the bedroom. Date Rape Smurf.

He mutters, ”Sorry,” and keeps moving. Through the dining room, into the living room. He leans over the couch and shakes the guy sleeping there. ”Get up, Woz. We're outta here like Vladimir.”

Ruby carries the open vodka bottle back to the dining room table, with a few plastic cups. Dorian pours a shot and downs it. She doesn't grimace, doesn't choke. She simply breathes deeply through her nose and sits up a little straighter.

The two remaining Smurfs leave through the front door. Dorian follows them with her eyes, and then turns to Alice and Cicely and says, ”Do you think I'll get VD from him?”

”He's kinda the type,” Cicely says. ”You didn't use a rubber?”

”Give me a percentage. Fifty percent chance?”

Ruby sits down again, remembering the press of Chris's body on hers, the latex that came off inside. How long had he been thrusting without it? How worried should she be? ”Have any of you ever-have you had it happen where the rubber comes off, while the guy is still-”

”f.u.c.king you?” Dorian says.

With a kind of awe in her voice, Alice says, ”That's a new one.”

Cicely says, ”If it came off and it was, like, full, full, then I'd be worried.” then I'd be worried.”

Dorian says, ”Wanna come with me to the clinic? We can get our insides examined together. Female bonding. G.o.d, I do not want to have another abortion.”

With each statement, Ruby feels a fissure moving up through her body, like a hairline on a thin sheet of gla.s.s, lengthening and fracturing into a delta, a web. A pain in her guts moves with it, expanding.

Alice says, ”Ruby, if you're pregnant from Christopher, promise me promise me you'll get an abortion.” you'll get an abortion.”

”Can we change the subject?”

”It's not that bad,” Cicely adds. ”as long you don't think about what it really is is.”

”I know how to take care of myself,” she hears herself saying, though the words are muted by the increasing feeling that her body is splitting into pieces.

”That's a horrible gene pool to pa.s.s on,” Alice says. ”I felt dirty after he f.u.c.ked me.”

Smash. Fragments splinter inside her, and then, without warning, she hears a noise escape up through her throat-a kind of moan like from an injured animal. The three girls stare at her, baffled. Fragments splinter inside her, and then, without warning, she hears a noise escape up through her throat-a kind of moan like from an injured animal. The three girls stare at her, baffled.

”Why are you all so mean to me? Why?” Her voice shakes.

”No, no, no.” Cicely scurries to her and attempts a hug. ”We're looking out for you. These guys are all users. I mean, they're our friends, but they're totally users, too. Only your girlfriends will look out for you.”

”You're not looking out for me-”

”Here, here, here,” Alice says, pouring a shot of vodka and giving it to her. ”You need to numb your feelings. It's too much to handle, I understand.”

Ruby takes the cup and downs the shot and it's awful, the worst taste in the world, and it stings her insides as if invading open wounds. Alice grabs Ruby's b.l.o.o.d.y Mary, plucks out the cuc.u.mber and the bell pepper and the orange wedge and the lime, and slides it over to her, and Ruby, sniffling, just drinks the whole thing down, coughing wetly when she's done. Her nose is runny, she's a mess all over again, leaking.

”I admit, I was a b.i.t.c.h,” Dorian says. ”But I don't believe you, that you're a virgin. That you were. I'm sorry, I just don't.”

”What does it matter to you?” Ruby sniffs. ”What if I wasn't?”

”I'm just an honest person,” Dorian says. ”I promote honesty.”

”You weren't?” Alice says to Ruby.