Part 9 (1/2)

Chapter 12.

To me Christmas was just like any normal day on the calendar. Growing up I never really got to experience Christmas unless it was watching Christmas movies on television. I loved the simplicity of Christmas and how it used to be. It used to be just about spending time with your loved ones and opening a few gifts. However, over the years it's become something more commercial.

In my twenty years I had never bought a gift for someone because until I came to school it was just Cynthia and I would never buy anything for her. I remember when I was little I always heard the other kids in my cla.s.s talking about how amazing Christmas was. They got brand new bikes, Barbie dolls, and games. I remember always hearing my cla.s.smates complaining about how they got clothes, but something that those kids took for granted I would have killed for. Until I was old enough to get a job my wardrobe consisted of shoes with holes in them, jeans, and s.h.i.+rts that were too small and donated winter coats.

Even if Cynthia could've afforded better I was a nuisance to her and I didn't matter. Looking back, I realize how sad my childhood was and if I ever do have kids I won't let them feel that way. I plan to let them know how much I love them each and every day.

For as long as I live I will never forget this one Christmas. I was maybe five years old.

Walking out into the living room on Christmas morning I feel my heart beating rapidly. I can't wait to see what mommy and Santa got me for Christmas this year. I really want that new Barbie doll with the pretty pink dress and glitter heels. Or maybe the new tennis shoes with the wheels on the bottom.

I start to tiptoe down the stairs because mommy wasn't feeling good last night and I don't want to give her a headache. Especially on Christmas. After all, it's the best day of the year. I do hope she's feeling better today though. As I walk through the kitchen I hear snoring coming from the living room. I feel bad that mommy fell asleep on the couch again. She does that a lot when she drinks her juice. I want some of the juice but I can only have apple juice.

Quietly walking into the living room I see there is nothing here. I wonder if maybe mommy put them somewhere else? But there is always Santa. What if he didn't know how to get in here because we don't have a chimmey, or whatever you call it. I start to walk over to mommy to ask her if she is okay but I see her begin to wake up.

I'm standing in the middle of the living room holding my hands as I patiently wait for her to yawn and stretch. I begin to open my mouth to say something but mommy lifts the juice bottle from the floor and takes a big gulp of it. Then she takes out one of her candy cigarettes and starts playing with it.

I don't understand why she likes them so much because they smell really gross. I smell like it all the time and the kids at school make fun of me. They say I'm dirty and I don't know how to get clean. They all say I have cooties, but what I don't get is even the girls say it. I thought only boys had cooties? Not me.

Once mommy takes another huge sip of her juice she looks over at me and yells, ”WELL WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

I jump back because I don't know why she's angry with me. I want to cry but maybe she still isn't feeling good. Taking in a deep breath I ask, ”Are you okay, mommy?” Sometimes she looks at me like she doesn't like me. I don't know what I do so wrong. Maybe it's because I accidentally left her Christmas card and present at school. I made her a card with all types of glitter. I even drew a rainbow on the inside. It was hard but mommy is worth it.

Her present was a story I wrote. I wrote about a princess and how her mommy rules the kingdom. I wrote about how pretty the mommy is and how I want the mommy to find a daddy. I don't know my daddy, but at least I have my mommy. She's not perfect, but neither am I. Or at least that's what mommy says.

Screaming at me again mommy asks, ”WHAT DO YOU WANT?” I feel tears coming but I try to blink them away and say, ”It's Christmas mommy.” She takes another sip of her juice and starts laughing. I think maybe mommy is playing a joke on me and she hid the presents from me. Kind of like buried treasure and we're the pirates. I start to laugh along with mommy but she asks, ”What are you laughing at?”

Still giggling, I say, ”You hid the presents.” She starts laughing again and puts the candy cigarette in her mouth and says, ”Nope. I just didn't get you anything.” I feel wetness on my face and try to wipe them away but mommy starts laughing again and says, ”All you do is cry. You're a bad child and that's why I didn't get you anything. h.e.l.l, you didn't even get me anything, you selfish brat.”

I hate it when she calls me a brat. I know I'm not supposed to say the word ”hate” because it's a bad word but I don't care. I just...I really don't like it.

I stand in the same position and just start crying. I mean, I know I don't listen all of the time and I know that I only get okay grades in school. I'll admit that sometimes I read my books way too much but I don't think I'm as bad as mommy says. I bring my hands up to my face and try to wipe away the tears but I hear mommy laugh again. Taking my hands away from my face I hear her say, ”You're such a d.a.m.n cry baby.” Lifting the juice to her lips she takes another sip and says, ”It's only fair. You didn't get me anything so I didn't get you anything.”

After taking a deep breath I say, ”I made you a card and I wrote you a story but I accidentally left it at school, mommy.” I begin to walk over to her because I want to give her a hug. I think maybe she's just not feeling well. Maybe she has the flu or something, but as I walk over to her and try to wrap my arms around her she pushes me away. It's enough for me to fall on my b.u.t.t.

She looks down at me and says, ”I don't want a stupid card or a story brat. You know what I want?”

I shake my head and begin to stand up on my feet again. Taking another gulp of her juice she says, ”Of course you don't know what I want. I want you out of here. You were a mistake and I can't believe I'm stuck with you. I should have gotten an abortion when I had the chance. Now when I get my Christmas gift you can have yours. Does that sound like a deal?”

I don't know what an abortion is but I can tell mommy is really mad at me. Sometimes I think she hates me and we all know that hate is a bad word. Quickly getting up on my feet I run out of the living room and hear mommy laughing really hard. Running up the stairs I curl up under my covers and I make a promise to myself that I will never let this happen again.

When I got older and got a job I would have my own little Christmases. I was always extremely careful with my money and how I spent it. Throughout the year I would just get the basic necessities but my birthday and Christmas were different. I would go out on a little shopping spree buying a few pairs of jeans, s.h.i.+rts, and shoes. Of course they were all from thrift shops or second hand stores, but to me they were brand new. If I really wanted to splurge I got a couple of books to keep me busy over Christmas break. And while most families were having turkey I was ordering Chinese takeout and getting Ben and Jerry's Creme Brulee ice cream.

But now I have people I can buy Christmas presents for. I want to get everybody a little something but I really want to go all out for Maddox. Not only is he my boyfriend but in my time of need he offered a helping hand and not just anybody would do that. It wouldn't even matter if they got me anything. All that matters to me is that I had people who I could actually give a gift to.

Ashlynn and I decided to do our Christmas shopping after we both got off work at the library. We decided to go to the mall and look around for ideas for everybody's Christmas gifts. I had already gotten Sarah, Gabe, and Ashlynn's gifts and I had to order Maddox's gifts off the internet. Since Maddox wasn't making me pay for rent then I was able to save up my money. I figured since I had finally found a family then I wanted to get them all extravagant gifts. I had never been able to do this before. Yes I may have splurged just a little bit, but it was all worth it in the end. I couldn't wait to see all of the smiles on their faces. Especially Maddox's.

Currently, we were in Spencer's because I was looking for Jade's gift. I decided to get her a s.e.x Positions book and a little something extra because I knew she would love it. After picking up the book I decided to go into the costume department and saw this really cute Santa outfit.

Hmmm, this could be a good idea?

I was looking at the costume when this guy walked up to me. ”You know if you want to try that out I will be a willing partic.i.p.ant.” I turned to yell at the guy but he was actually really good looking. He was around the same height as Maddox. While Maddox was majorly built this guy was more lean but still had muscles. He had bright blue eyes and curly brown hair with an eyebrow ring. He must have noticed I was staring at him because his lips turned up into this c.o.c.ky grin.

Immediately, I went back to looking at the costume and without looking at him again I said, ”Sorry, but the position has already been filled.”

”Well d.a.m.n, that is some lucky b.a.s.t.a.r.d. I'm Neil by the way.” I turned to look at him and shook his hand. ”Isabelle. Nice to meet you Neil.” I tried to pull my hand back but he kept a hold of it. ”You too Isabelle,” he said and he let go of my hand and disappeared before I could say anything.

Ashlynn ran up to me. ”Who the h.e.l.l was that good looking guy?”

I looked at her and shrugged my shoulders. ”His name is Neil. He saw what I was holding and started hitting on me.” Ashlynn made some grumbling noise. ”Why is it that you get the guy of your dreams and still have good looking guys checking you out? Meanwhile I can't even get Jason to notice me!”

I just patted her on the shoulder. ”Don't worry Ashlynn. Jason just has his head so far up his a.s.s he hasn't seen what's right in front of him. But trust me when I say he will notice and if he doesn't then he's a jacka.s.s!” I saw Ashlynn smile and then she laughed. ”You're right! I should just move on and forget about him.” Ashlynn decided on some edible lube and furry pink handcuffs for Jade's gift.

”Sweetheart, what did you want to do tonight?” We were currently cuddled on the couch and Maddox was watching a movie on television while I was half watching the movie and reading a book. I put the book down and said, ”I don't know. What'd you have in mind?”

Maddox turned the television off and faced me. ”I was thinking maybe we could go ice skating or snow tubing if you wanted.”

”I've never been ice skating before!”

”You have never been ice skating before?” I laughed at how serious he was making it and then nodded. Before I could say anything else Maddox was on his way back to his bedroom and yelling back to me to get changed because we were leaving to go ice skating in a couple of minutes. He told me to dress warmly because the skating rink was outside. I decided on jeans and a sweats.h.i.+rt with my winter coat. I also had on some heavy socks with boots and gloves and a scarf.

After we each changed we hopped in the car and were on our way to the skating rink. Once we got there and paid for our skates we were getting on the rink. Maddox stepped on first and then turned to me and put his hands out toward me. ”Come on sweetheart. I won't let you go.” I put my hands in his and before I stepped out onto the rink I said, ”You promise?” Without blinking he said, ”Yes.”

I was way too scared to actually skate so for a few minutes Maddox skated backwards pulling me along. He laughed at how I held his hands in a death grip. But after a while I started to get a little braver.

”Ok, I think I'm ready to just hold your hand like a normal person.”

Maddox laughed. ”Sweetheart, you are anything but normal. But if you're ready then ok.” He let go of my one hand and we started skating along together. We were skating at a snail's pace but whatever.

For a while we skated in complete silence watching the other people skating. Parents teaching their kids how to skate. Couples holding hands and skating together. Friends skating with one another. And my least favorite, the people who were skating by themselves showing off.

Maddox squeezed my hand. ”So sweetheart, you know how my parents invited us to come for Christmas?”

”Yeah. Why what's up?”

”Well, there might be a change of plans.”