Part 52 (2/2)

'Thank you.' he whispers, resting his forehead on mine and clenching his eyes shut. I feel immense hope blossoming inside me at his determination to sort this s.h.i.+t out. He lifts himself, without so much as kissing me, and leaves the room.

I stay on the bed, recovering from my pointless physical battle, wondering what's going to be established from the laying of cards and sorting of s.h.i.+t. I'm torn between admitting to him how I feel, or waiting to hear what he has to say first. What will he say? So much needs clarifying. What is us? Intense hot affair or more? I need it to be more, but I can't cope with his trampling and unreasonableness. It's exhausting.

There was no denying the look of pure torment on his handsome face. What's running through that complex mind of his? Why does he need me? So many questions...

I close my eyes, trying to re-establish some steady breaths, and find myself drifting into a semi-exhausted coma.

The phone next to the bed starts ringing, snapping my eyes open. Kate! I scramble up the bed and answer. 'Send her up, Clive.' I fling a t-s.h.i.+rt on and run down the stairs, throwing the door open as Kate exits the elevator. I'm so glad to see her, but why he thinks I need babysitting is beyond me. I run at her, flinging my arms around her desperately.

'Whoa! Is someone happy to see me?' She returns my violent hug, my face buried in her red locks. I didn't realise how much I needed to see her. 'Are you going to invite me into the tower, or are we staying put?'

I pull away. 'Sorry,' I blow my hair out of my face. 'I'm a mess, Kate. And you've been letting men rummage through my things again.' I add on a scowl.

'Ava, he turned up at six in the morning, banging until Sam answered. I just let him do his thing, it's not like anyone can stop him. The man's a rhinoceros.'

'He's more than that.'

She looks at me all sorrowful, taking my hand and leading me back into the penthouse. 'I can't believe he lives here,' she mutters, directing me into the kitchen. 'Sit.' She points to a stool.

I rest my backside on the seat, watching as Kate refreshes her memory of the impressive kitchen. 'I can't make you tea because he has no milk. The housekeeper is on holiday.'

'He has a housekeeper,' she says to herself. 'Of course he does.' She shakes her head and goes to the fridge, collecting two bottles of water, before coming to sit next to me. 'What's going on?'

'What am I going to do, Kate?' I rest my head in my hands. 'I can't believe he called you here, just so I don't leave.'

'Doesn't that tell you something?'

'Yes, that he's a control freak! He's so intense,' I look up to Kate, who's smiling faintly. What's to smile about? I'm in turmoil here. 'I don't know where I am with him.'

'Have you told him?' she asks, with a perfectly plucked brow arched at me.

'No, I can't.'

'Why?' she blurts, totally surprised.

'Kate, I don't know what I am to him. He can be so gentle and loving, saying things I can't get my head around, and the next minute, he's brutally fierce, unreasonable and controlling. He tries to control me!' I open my water, taking a swig to moisten my dry mouth. 'He manipulates me with s.e.x when I don't jump at his command, tramples anyone, including me, if they get in the way of him. He's bordering on impossible. No, he is impossible.'

Kate looks at me with compa.s.sion in her bright blues. 'Sam told me he's never seen Jesse like this before. Apparently, he's famed for his easy going nature.'

I laugh. I could describe Jesse with many words. Easy going would not feature anywhere on my list. 'Kate, he's not easy going, trust me.'

'You obviously bring out the worst in him.' She smiles.

'Obviously,' I agree. Easy going? What a joke. 'He brings out the worst in me too. He hates me swearing, so I do it more. He has an issue with exposing my flesh to anyone other than him, so I wear shorter dresses. He tells me not to get drunk, so I do. It's not healthy, Kate. One second he tells me that he loves having me around, the next I'm his current f.u.c.k. What am I supposed to think?'

'But you're still here,' she says thoughtfully. 'And you're not going to get any answers if you don't ask the d.a.m.n questions.'

'I do ask questions.'

'The right ones?'

What are the right questions? I look at my best friend and wonder why she's not kidnapping me from the tower and hiding me away from Jesse. She's seen him in action a surely that would be enough for any best friend to intervene. 'Why are you not telling me to leg it?' I ask suspiciously. 'Is it because he brought you a van?'

'Don't be stupid, Ava. I would toss that van right back at him if you wanted me to. You're more important. I'm not telling you to leg it because I know you don't want to. What you need to be doing is telling him how you feel, negotiating acceptable levels of intenseness.' She grins. 'In the bedroom is fine, yes?'

I smile. 'He said he'd make sure I'll always need him. He has. I really need him, Kate.'

'Talk to him, Ava.' She gives me a little nudge on the shoulder. 'You can't go on like this.' She shakes her head.

I definitely can't go on like this; I'll be in an asylum within a month. My heart and brain are being yanked from one side to the other by the hour. I don't know my a.r.s.e from my head. If it means slapping my heart down on the table for him to trample all over, then so be it. At least I'll know where I am. I'll recover...eventually...I think.

I stand up. 'Will you take me to The Manor?' I ask. I need to do this now before I bottle it. I need to tell him how I feel.

Kate springs from the stool. 'Yes!' she sings enthusiastically. 'I've been dying to see this place.'

'It's a hotel, Kate.' I roll my eyes, but let her have her excitement. My car's at hers, so I'm kind of stuck without her. 'Give me five.' I run upstairs to change into my jeans and ballet pumps, meeting Kate at the front door in record time. I send Jesse a quick text to tell him I'm on my way.

It's time to lay my cards on the table.

Chapter 36.

We walk into the Sunday evening suns.h.i.+ne, but I don't see Margo Junior. I scan the car park for the big, pink van, but it's not like you can miss the giant heap of metal.

'Oh, I hope you don't mind.' Kate laughs nervously, just as I spot my Mini, roof down and parked in one of Jesse's s.p.a.ces.

'You're a cheeky cow!'

She waves off my insult. 'Don't you narrow those big browns on me, Ava O'Shea. If I didn't drive her, then she would be sat outside the house for eternity. It's a waste.' The indicators flash, and I put my hand out for the keys, which she reluctantly hands over on a huff.

We drive out towards the Surrey Hills discussing the merits of domineering men. We both reach the same conclusion: Yes to s.e.x and no to all other aspects of a relations.h.i.+p.

The problem is: Jesse manages to drag s.e.x into all aspects of our relations.h.i.+p, using it, mostly, to get his way. And I can't ever seem to say no so I'm pretty much doomed. This could all be over within an hour. The thought sends an unbearable ache to my stomach, but I have to be sensible here. I'm already in way over my head.

I pull off the main road, up to the gates. They open immediately, letting me through.

'Holy s.h.i.+t!' Kate exclaims as we drive up the long, gravel driveway, flanked by trees.

She's in awe already and she hasn't even seen the house yet. We eventually emerge into the courtyard. It's busy.

'Holy f.u.c.king s.h.i.+t!' She gapes at the imposing property, leaning forward in her seat. 'Jesse owns this?'

'He does. There's Sam's car.' I pull into a s.p.a.ce next to the Porsche.

'I can't believe he comes here to have lunch.' she grumbles, joining me on my side of the car. 'Holy f.u.c.king s.h.i.+t!'

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