Part 31 (1/2)

'I'm a Bush Baptist meself,' remarked the man on the upturned pail.

This individual, d.i.c.k Wantley by name, was of what is usually termed a 'rugged' cast of countenance. He reminded one strongly of an ancient gargoyle, or a dragon.

Most of the hands had by now lit their pipes, but there were a few who preferred chewing their tobacco. As they smoked or chewed they expectorated upon the floor or into the fire. Wantley was one of those who preferred chewing and he had been spitting upon the floor to such an extent that he was by this time partly surrounded by a kind of semicircular moat of dark brown spittle.

'I'm a Bush Baptist!' he shouted across the moat, 'and you all knows wot that is.'

This confession of faith caused a fresh outburst of hilarity, because of course everyone knew what a Bush Baptist was.

'If 'evven's goin' to be full of sich b--r's as Hunter,' observed Eaton, 'I think I'd rather go to the other place.'

'If ever ole Misery DOES get into 'eaven,' said Philpot, ''e won't stop there very long. I reckon 'e'll be chucked out of it before 'e's been there a week, because 'e's sure to start pinchin' the jewels out of the other saints' crowns.'

'Well, if they won't 'ave 'im in 'eaven, I'm sure I don't know wot's to become of 'im,' said Harlow with pretended concern, 'because I don't believe 'e'd be allowed into 'ell, now.'

'Why not?' demanded Bundy. 'I should think it's just the b.l.o.o.d.y place for sich b--r's as 'im.'

'So it used to be at one time o' day, but they've changed all that now.

They've 'ad a revolution down there: deposed the Devil, elected a parson as President, and started puttin' the fire out.'

'From what I hears of it,' continued Harlow when the laughter had ceased, ''ell is a b.l.o.o.d.y fine place to live in just now. There's underground railways and 'lectric trams, and at the corner of nearly every street there's a sort of pub where you can buy ice-cream, lemon squash, four ale, and American cold drinks; and you're allowed to sit in a refrigerator for two hours for a tanner.'

Although they laughed and made fun of these things the reader must not think that they really doubted the truth of the Christian religion, because--although they had all been brought up by 'Christian' parents and had been 'educated' in 'Christian' schools--none of them knew enough about Christianity to either really believe it or disbelieve it.

The imposters who obtain a comfortable living by pretending to be the ministers and disciples of the Workman of Nazareth are too cunning to encourage their dupes to acquire anything approaching an intelligent understanding of the subject. They do not want people to know or understand anything: they want them to have Faith--to believe without knowledge, understanding, or evidence. For years Harlow and his mates--when children--had been 'taught' 'Christianity' in day school, Sunday School and in church or chapel, and now they knew practically nothing about it! But they were 'Christians' all the same. They believed that the Bible was the word of G.o.d, but they didn't know where it came from, how long it had been in existence, who wrote it, who translated it or how many different versions there were. Most of them were almost totally unacquainted with the contents of the book itself.

But all the same, they believed it--after a fas.h.i.+on.

'But puttin' all jokes aside,' said Philpot, 'I can't believe there's sich a place as 'ell. There may be some kind of punishment, but I don't believe it's a real fire.'

'Nor n.o.body else, what's got any sense,' replied Harlow, contemptuously.

'I believe as THIS world is 'ell,' said Cra.s.s, looking around with a philosophic expression. This opinion was echoed by most of the others, although Slyme remained silent and Owen laughed.

'Wot the b.l.o.o.d.y 'ell are YOU laughin' at?' Cra.s.s demanded in an indignant tone.

'I was laughing because you said you think this world is h.e.l.l.'

'Well, I don't see nothing to laugh at in that,' said Cra.s.s.

'So it IS a 'ell,' said Easton. 'There can't be anywheres much worse than this.'

''Ear, 'ear,' said the man behind the moat.

'What I was laughing at is this,' said Owen. 'The present system of managing the affairs of the world is so bad and has produced such dreadful results that you are of the opinion that the earth is a h.e.l.l: and yet you are a Conservative! You wish to preserve the present system--the system which has made the world into a h.e.l.l!'

'I thought we shouldn't get through the dinner hour without politics if Owen was 'ere,' growled Bundy. 'b.l.o.o.d.y sickenin' I call it.'

'Don't be 'ard on 'im,' said Philpot. ''E's been very quiet for the last few days.'

'We'll 'ave to go through it today, though,' remarked Harlow despairingly. 'I can see it comin'.'