Vol 6 Chapter 4 (1/2)

Chapter 04: Unhanded Thing, Warm Chest, Blue Sky

A girl was crying at the park. At some point she started to follow half a step behind me like a puppy and wouldn’t leave me side. She was always by my side. I affirmed her every word and showed her a smile.

Before I noticed it, she had even gotten along well with Nazuna and we all three played together.

Then one day, when we played together like always, the girl asked me timidly with a kind of nervous face.

“Hey, do you have a girl you like, s.h.i.+n.o.bu-chan?”

Because a girl asked me that, I was gravely fl.u.s.tered.

The reason being that I quite liked the girl in front of me.

But I was too embarra.s.sed to admit it. I gave the short and brusque answer “Nope”.

Upon that, the girl smiled happily.

“If that’s so and you don’t mind, well, ehm…”

Colouring her cheeks bright red, she stuttered the words out with all her might.

“W- would you, make me your…bride, s.h.i.+n.o.bu-chan?”

Instantly, my cheeks turned really hot. I should be happy, yet I was gravely disturbed. I didn’t know how to answer. It was my first time feeling like that, so I totally confused.

At that time, Nazuna, who had watched over us, puffed up her cheeks and shouted.

“That’s not good! I’ll be Brother’s bride! Right, Brother? Right?”

“Ehh? Is that so, s.h.i.+n.o.bu-chan?”

Cornered by the smiling Nazuna and the teary girl, I was gravely troubled.

“I don’t plan to marry either of you. Because I love pretty, strong and s.e.xy girls like my mother.”

So I said something I didn’t even meant.

Because of that, Nazuna dropped her shoulders dejected and the girl started crying with “That’s impossible for me”.

…But, on the way home, the girl pulled on my sleeve and said.

“Say, s.h.i.+n.o.bu-chan, if I were to become as bright as Nazuna-chan, stop crying and become a strong and s.e.xy girl like you said before…would you take me as your bride?”

“…Are you sure you want me? I’m pretty weak, you know? Everyone says so.”

“You’re not weak, s.h.i.+n.o.bu-chan. You’re really kind. Because you’re strong, you’re kind. That’s… that’s why I like, love! you, s.h.i.+n.o.bu-chan. So make me your bride…!”

“…Ehm, well, if you really stop crying, I might consider it.”

Even though I was happy, really happy, I could only reply brusque to the girl’s wholehearted confession. Yet,

“Thanks, s.h.i.+n.o.bu-chan.”

The girl grabbed my hand firmly and smiled brilliant.

—That smile, penetrated into the deepest parts of my heart.

She needed me. She said she loved me. She fell in love with the weak me, who was called a failure at my grandfather’s dojo. That was why, for the first time in my life, I came to terms with my own weakness.

I wanted her to be by my side forever. I didn’t want to let go off her hand. I wished from the bottom of my heart that she would keep smiling for me besides me.

…But, in the end, I let go of her hand.

The girl I loved. The girl who fell in love with me. The girl that was more precious than anything…I ended up hurting her and letting go off her hand.

“Sorry, Sakura-chan.”

I woke up from my dream on my own sudden voice…

The morning of the third day of seaside school. While sitting on my bed, I absent-minded watched my roommates leave the room.

Amidst that, only Asada stayed behind and called out to me with a slightly worried face.

“Hey, Nanjou, did something happen? You’re kinda weird since last night.”

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry. C’mon, you also going to the beach, right? Then hurry up already.”

“Ehm, why don’t you come along? I don’t know what happened, but you might feel better by going out?”

I knew Asada was trying to be considerate. But I responded by shaking my head.

“…I see. But, if you feel like it, just come to the beach. Let’s pick up some girls together.”

Saying so with a somewhat happy tone, Asada turned his back to me and headed for the door.

I watched him off, but

“Wait a sec, Asada.”

I called Asada to a halt, as I suddenly remembered.

“I want to ask you…Do you remember Minami’s first name?”

“Mh? Minami’s first name? Ehm, what was it again? I’m sure it‘s—”

I had a hunch. I had only wanted to confirm it. But,

“Ouka”— the word that left Asada’s mouth was just as I had expected, yet before I noticed it, I had clenched my fists tightly. In my head floated the trembling voice of a girl.

—My name is written with the [Sakura] and [Hana] kanji as Ouka. You see, my friend said “Ouka-chan, you’re as pretty as a cherry blossom, so I’ll call you Sakura-chan”. So everyone started to call me Sakura…

Even though she stopped crying when I petted her head, the girl started crying again when she said “After we moved, no one called me that anymore…”.

That was why I continued to call the girl “Sakura-chan” from then on and in time, I forgot the name Ouka…

Feeling regret, I made a heavy sigh, whereupon Asada looked at me doubtful.

“Why are you suddenly asking about Minami’s name? Did anything happen with her?”

“…No, it’s nothing. Sorry for asking something weird.”

“It’s okay….Cheer up, I’ll glad to lend you an ear anytime, if you want.”

Leaving behind a warm smile, Asada slowly left the room.

I was grateful to Asada and when his back vanished from my vision, I once more clenched my fists strongly. How could I fail to notice it? My chest was tightened with guilt. There were words that I had to tell Minami as soon as possible…yet my body wouldn’t move.

At that time, there was a sudden knock on the door and Kaorun peeked her head inside.

Worried about last night, I opened my mouth as soon as she had entered the room.

“How was Hijiri after that?”

“…She must think that she has lost a friend. She is greatly depressed.”

“I see… But, I don’t think there’s need for that. I’m sure, Minami will understand once she knows the details. She was just surprised by the suddenness. If we give her a bit of time, it’ll work out.”

I declared so, but as to deny my words, Kaorun shook her head.

“Excuse me for saying this, but you can only say that because you areabnormal.”

“Abnormal?”

When I inadvertently asked back on the unexpected words, Kaorun nodded small.

“Ordinary people fear devils or the powerful exorcists. Because they are shown an unbelievable power, they fear that this power might get directed at them as well. In fact, I have seen it numerous times myself. That humans looked at the exorcists, who saved them from the devils, like some kind of monster.”

Momentarily stopping her words, Kaorun looked at me intensely.

“That is why I cannot help but find it mysterious myself. How can you, s.h.i.+n.o.bu-sama, or Nazuna-sama not fear us?”

“Because Nazuna and I know about you well. We know that you don’t use your powers to hurt people. So there’s no need to be scared.”

“However, my power might get directed at you, s.h.i.+n.o.bu-sama, by some kind of cause.”

“Wouldn’t you be more sad than me then?”

When I replied to the question with a question, Kaorun smiled faintly. But it was only for a moment. She somewhat sadly lowered the ends of her eyebrows and leaked a small sigh.

“…Judging by her behaviour last night, I find it hard to believe that this person holds the same belief as you, s.h.i.+n.o.bu-sama. If the Master should find out about last night, she might get transferred away.”

“Transferred away? Minami will?”

“Yes. Such a task is a simple matter for the Gogyou Household. However, I do not believe that Hijiri-chan wishes for that. It would only hurt her like it had in her childhood. So I tried to think of a different method than transferring her away, but…I could not come up with a good idea. Could I ask for your a.s.sistance on that matter, s.h.i.+n.o.bu-sama?”

“Yeah, I’ll obviously help out, but let me talk with Minami first.”

When I replied so and stood up, Kaorun frowned doubtful.

“Why are you putting so much trust in that person, s.h.i.+n.o.bu-sama? You saw it yourself last night, did you not? She—”

“It’ll be fine with Minami.”

Raising my voice a bit, I cut into Kaorun’s words.

Somewhere in my heart I thought, that I was just trying to convince myself. But I wanted to believe in her. Because I wanted to trust my preciouschildhood friend, I repeated it once more.

“She’ll understand. It’ll be fine.”

Kaorun wanted to say something, but… in the end, she closed her mouth and watched silently how I left the room…

After that, I asked some cla.s.smates, who I happened to run into at the lobby, about Minami and came to know that she was still in her own room. Once they told me where her room was, I swiftly headed there. And after a small hesitation, I took a small breath and knocked on the door.

“Minami, I want to talk. Can I come in?”

“…Yeah.”

After a short pause, I heard Minami’s powerless voice. Taking another breath, I went into the room, where Minami sat on the bed and opened her mouth while showing an awkward smile.

“I guess, it’s about yesterday?”

“…Yeah, that’s right. Did you calm down a bit after this time? How’s it? Are you still scared of Hijiri?”

On my question, Minami slightly clenched her fists and answered.

“I have been thinking about it all the time since last night. I realized that Gogyou-san saved me and that I hurt her. But, still…”

Midway, Minami tightly bit on her lips and cast her eyes down.

“It’s no good. I keep having strange thoughts… It doesn’t seem like I can talk to her properly…”

“Why? You should know how Hijiri is. You don’t let appearance or others influence you, right?”

At the beginning of high school, everyone had been scared of me, but Minami, who happened to sit next to me, smiled at me. Back then I thought she was a weird girl. I didn’t notice her feelings.

—Even though I knew the reason why she wasn’t scared now.

“You weren’t scared of me. So with Hijiri too, you should—”

“Why do you say that?”

Hypocritical words that put off what I actually wanted to convey. As she was unable to endure it, Minami cut into my words and slowly raised her head with wet eyes.

“There’s no way I would be scared of you, Nanjou-kun…of you, s.h.i.+n.o.bu-chan.”

s.h.i.+n.o.bu-chan— Saying my address from back then, Minami looked at me worried with her still wet eyes. Then she nervously opened her mouth.

“s.h.i.+n.o.bu-chan, do you have forgotten about me? Or, can you still not forgive me? Because it was my fault that Nazuna-chan had that traffic accident—”

“No.”

This time I cut into Minami’s words and denied it firmly.

“You’re wrong, Sakura-chan. It wasn’t your fault that Nazuna got into the accident.”

…The words I couldn’t speak out for a long time. Right now, I could speak these trivial words properly.

Instantly, my memories from back then came back vividly.

A snow-white hospital room. An unconscious sleeping Nazuna. My crying self. And Sakura-chan, who didn’t cry at all cost, even though she always cried.

—Seven years ago, Nazuna had a traffic accident because of me.

Back then, I was treated coldly by my friends for playing with Nazuna and Sakura-chan, so I told the two “Don’t follow me” and went ahead.

Despite that, Nazuna kept following me with a crying face, so I wanted to be mean. Knowing that she wouldn’t be able to keep up with me, I started running.

As a result, Nazuna desperately chased after me…and was run over by a car. She continued to sleep unconscious in the hospital she was brought to. The doctor roundabout called it a vegetative state.

It was all, my fault. I was at fault.

But, Sakura-chan didn’t think like that. She believed, that it was her own fault.

That was why, Sakura-chan’s eyes filled with tears when she visited the hospital room.

“Sorry, s.h.i.+n.o.bu-chan. It’s all my fault. Because you two were with someone like me, everyone made fun of you, s.h.i.+n.o.bu-chan, and Nazuna-chan ended up in a traffic accident…”

I knew that wasn’t true. I knew it wasn’t Sakura-chan’s fault. I properly understood that.

But I couldn’t say anything, so Sakura-chan bit on her lips with still tears in her yes and turned her back to me, which trembled lightly.

…She probably had wanted me to pet her head like always. She must have wanted to depend on me. However, Sakura-chan said intermittent while her body still trembled.

“…I’ll, give up on becoming your bride, s.h.i.+n.o.bu-chan. I’ll avoid you from now on, I won’t cause any troubles… so don’t come, to hate me…”

I didn’t respond to these words. With my mouth closed, I didn’t say anything. Even if I had managed to say something, it would surely just have been an incomprehensible crying voice.

“But you know, I’ll try my best to become strong. I’ll become so strong that I can support you, so at that time, you don’t need to take me as your bride, but… play with me again, okay.”

Even though she was always crying, when she turned around, Sakura-chan was smiling.

Not spilling the tears in her eyes at all cost, she strongly clenched both her fists and with a sadly crooked expression, she still undaunted formed a smile.

Anyone could tell that she was forcing herself. I realized that she was actually holding herself back.

You can cry. It’s not your fault, Sakura-chan.

I should have told her that. I should have petted her head like always. Yet, the powerless and weak me could only see off her small back.

Not allowing the cry-baby girl to cry and hurting her, I only cried.

“…Bye, bye, s.h.i.+n.o.bu-chan.”

With a chipped voice at the end, Sakura-chan disappeared from me.

Even when I went to the park, she wasn’t there, so I could never apologize. So I started to attend my grandfather’s dojo again to forget her existence. I just continued to train my body. I couldn’t forgive my weak self after hurting Sakura-chan and finding a person that I wanted to protect.

—But, that was in the past.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Sakura-chan. There’s nothing to forgive or not to forgive. I’m not even angry.”

I told her my seven years worth of feelings.

“I’m sorry for not saying it earlier. And I’m also sorry for not noticing it was you.”

I couldn’t do it back then. So I reached out my hand for Sakura-chan… no, for Minami and gently petted her head like in the past.

Instantly, tears started to dwell up in Minami’s wet eyes.

“….You’re so mean, s.h.i.+n.o.bu-chan. When I saw you again in high school, I recognized you right away, but you didn’t notice at all. You didn’t remember me. You weren’t even looking at me.”

And she still showed me a smile…

“I wanted us to get along like in the past, but because you avoided everyone, opposite to before, I couldn’t be by your side. But before I knew it, you had gotten along well with Gogyou-san rather than with me…!”

Momentarily stopping her words, Minami leaked a small sigh.

“The reason I can’t seem to talk with Gogyou-san properly, isn’t just because I’m scared. I know that Gogyou-san isn‘t at fault and that I shouldn‘t… but I was envious. I had known you way before Gogyou-san had, yet you looked more at her than me…”

Suddenly, Minami made a teary face and continued.

“So I panicked on my own, thinking that Gogyou-san was taking you away from me. Not even considering her feelings, I get scared. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t suppress my feelings….”

Facing me with her teary eyes, Minami raised her voice with “I mean!”.