Part 11 (1/2)

*Oh yeah!' he agreed.

Checking my watch, I decided that I was over Carson's dysfunctional sister.

I'd make sure the kids got to school then head in to LollyBliss.

Let Cecily 2 lose the only form of suitable employment that had come her way in a lifetime.

Let Cecily the First have a major freak-out.

Let Carson micro-manage his IQ-deficient sibling.

*I have to go to work,' he told me. Carson was, once again, stuffing great sheaves of papers into his briefcase.

His cla.s.s were going love getting those back. Who didn't want a War and Peace on why their work was rubbish?

*School doesn't start for an hour,' I said, pointing at the clock over the mantle.

*Prep,' he informed me, brus.h.i.+ng my nose with his cheek as he went past.

*Well, I'm going on out and I won't be held responsible for . . .' Tilting my head in the direction of his sister, I indicated a locking action with my left hand, *. . . any forgetfulness that leads to loss.'

*You'd make a good lawyer with language like that,' Carson replied, a tiny smirk on his face.

And once the door was closed it registered why his words sounded so strange.

He hadn't spoken about the law since that huge argument with his family, right after we were married.

The word law hadn't crossed his lips in all that time.

And I knew why.

Which made me all the more angry that he'd chosen to suddenly throw it at me now.

- Cue truly awful memory of the first meeting of the Teesons: *I suppose you think being a teacher is honorable too, do you?' Cecily glared at me.

It was the first time we had met and for some reason, the Teesons hated me on sight.

I suppose they weren't used to seeing someone with naturally white skin and clothing that covered most of their intimate body parts.

*Yes, I do.'

*Socialist,' said Cecily.

*Communist,' said Cecily 2.

*I don't think she's a communist,' said Rufus.

*I am quite fond of China, though,' I told him, trying to make light of the situation. As if trying to instill balance in his chaotic world, Rufus was as nice to me as his wife was rude.

*Indeed,' Rufus agreed, and then went back to scooping up his dinner, which was balanced precariously on one knee.

Ridley, a nephew they were babysitting, came up and spat on me. Cecily backhanded him and not a word was heard from any adult in the room.

Technically, not a word could be heard over the screaming, but still, you'd think they might react in some way.

Did Carson think this behavior was appropriate?

I glanced over at my fiance, but he was busy shoveling pie and mash into his mouth too.

How could he not have warned me about his weirdo family?

And why were they on at him about being a teacher?

From what I could make out, he'd certainly jumped a few hundred rungs up the ladder. He was a long way from where he'd started. You'd think they would be proud.

Cecily, wearing what could only be described as a cat sick tracksuit, spoke through huge mouthfuls of food, *Is she knocked up, is that why you gave up law?'

Carson sighed loudly. *No, of course not. I was already a teacher when I met Scarlet.'

*Isn't that the name of a pimp?' Cecily 2 asked her husband. The long suffering Rufus flinched at the blatant demonstration of his wife's stupidity.

*No, that's the Scarlet Pimpernel.'

*Pimp. Close enough,' Cecily 2 said.

*Cecily 2, that's out of order.' Carson finally weighed into an argument, but his mother was still engaged in the previous one.

*Then maybe she can make you do law.' She turned to me. *Tell him, Scarface.'

*It's Scarlet.' I corrected her, although the mother wasn't stupid like the daughter, so the mistake was probably intentional. *And Carson is his own man.'

*He likes his own man,' Cecily 2 said, making a rude gesture with her hand.

*Now, now, darling, your mother has guests.' Rufus had the good grace to blush.

I imagined my mum and dad meeting the Teesons, and decided, then and there, to make sure that never happened.

Ever.

Even if I had to lie and say they'd gone abroad.

Or into s.p.a.ce.

Better yet, that they'd permanently succ.u.mbed to Cecily's cooking.

*It's not too late to take the New York Bar exams, Carson,' Cecily said.

Once again, she threw vile suggestions at me. *Make it a condition of you keeping that baby, him doing those exams.'