Part 4 (1/2)

*No, you can't possibly, Scarlet. You'll be gunned down in the crossfire of a Mafia shootout!'

*That's ridiculous, Mum.'

*Look at John Lennon.'

*John Lennon was famous and killed by a nutter who was stalking him. If I get famous, I'll come back to England, okay?'

A few hours of persuasion later, and after the provision of reams of statistics about gun crime, Mum finally realized what a wonderful opportunity had befallen her only daughter.

*I am so proud,' she declared. *But how will you afford to live?'

*I'll get a job.'

I spun, around and around, in the small, vomit-inducing kitchen. *I'll design clothes, and then I'll work with the big shots, get my own label a and fly you and Dad out first cla.s.s!'

*Just concentrate on the job so that you have somewhere to live,' Mum said. *That will be enough for us.'

But her eyes were gleaming, and I was glad that, for once, I had made her proud.

The fact that New York turned out to be such a vile disappointment was a fact I had hidden from my parents for years.

And thanks Mum's health making it impossible for her to fly, it was a ruse I had easily kept up.

*This is all I need,' Carson said, as he stood looking at the door lying horizontally on the ground. *The hinges are totally ruined. How the h.e.l.l am I supposed to put this back together now?'

How do we put things back together?

That's the eternal question, isn't it? Perhaps Jocelyn Priestly had the answer? I might find her email and ask how you rea.s.semble a marriage that has crumbled into millions of pieces.

But I wouldn't have to wait for a response to guess the answer.

I knew it already.

You don't.

CHAPTER THREE.

Black Friday November 24 *It's important to give and take in a marriage. Occasionally, you may feel that you are giving more than your partner, but remember that it isn't a compet.i.tion. It's love.'

Jocelyn Priestly.

*IT'S b.o.l.l.o.c.kS,' I SAID to the calendar, as I read the day's ramblings of a love lunatic. Not that I could actually concentrate properly on the words. Out in the hall, Hammertro was trying to help Carson with the new door.

The task seemed to necessitate them going into the living room to hunt loudly for tools.

Hammertro didn't usually come further than the kitchen, which is at the front of the flat, so he now looked around in astonishment.

*f.u.c.kin' H, they cleared you out, man,' he said, wide-eyed at the mess.

Carson scowled. *No, this is just how it looks, Hammer Throw.'

Fair enough, the living room was a pit. Jessie and J had been looking for the Wii attachment I'd picked up at a charity shop to take to Cecily's mobile home and the result was catastrophic.

Carson didn't like Hammertro, but he didn't have the guts to make his feelings known.

*Why bother?' he'd say, after complaining for hours over the thumping music coming from the flat above. *I'll probably end up knifed in the back alley.'

*Hammertro wouldn't do that,' I had told Carson. *And there isn't any back alley nearby to end up in.'

Hammertro was now staring out of the living room window. *You get a good view from here. Perfect for a sniper attack.'

Thinking about Cecily 2's pending visit, I told him that we were a more close-range type of family.

*Really? You wanna buy a silencer to go with your gear?'

The handsome face winked at me, telling me he was joking, but Carson took umbrage.

*We don't have weapons in this house, young man.'

*s.e.x can be a weapon, you know,' Hammertro replied illogically.

That shut Carson up a I mean, how do you reply to that? a so the two of them trundled back into the hall to try to sh.o.r.e up the door permanently, using nothing more than their wits.

Eventually, they worked out that wasn't going to work, either.

*You might need a carpenter dude for this,' Hammertro told my husband.

*Can't afford it, especially not this week. We have another mouth to feed.'

Intrigued, Hammertro asked if the mouth came attached to a *fit, you know, body'.

Unable to resist winding Hammertro up, I said that Cecily 2, Carson's sister, had a job nearby, modeling for a catalogue.

*Reeelay, a model? . . . You gonna put in a good word for old Hammertro, then?' The grey eyes sparkled in antic.i.p.ation of yet another s.h.a.g.

*Of course.' I almost added that he'd need his *gear', or other appropriate weaponry, if he was going to engage with Cecily 2.

*My sister is married,' Carson hissed through gritted teeth, more at me than Hammertro.

Unperturbed, the younger man pressed the point, *But is she hot?'

Carson was flummoxed. *I suppose . . . we're related, I don't think of her that way.'

Awkward. I beginning to giggle at Carson's obvious discomfort.

*She's attractive, yes.'