Part 16 (1/2)
A roll, after he had found her a seat, was easily procured. As he presented it, he remarked that, frankly speaking, he was at loss to understand why she should have selected for the honor of a tete-a-tete an individual for whom she had so little taste.
”Ah yes, I dislike you,” said Christina. ”To tell the truth, I had forgotten it. There are so many people here whom I dislike more, that when I espied you just now, you seemed like an intimate friend. But I have not come into this corner to talk nonsense,” she went on. ”You must not think I always do, eh?”
”I have never heard you do anything else,” said Rowland, deliberately, having decided that he owed her no compliments.
”Very good. I like your frankness. It 's quite true. You see, I am a strange girl. To begin with, I am frightfully egotistical. Don't flatter yourself you have said anything very clever if you ever take it into your head to tell me so. I know it much better than you. So it is, I can't help it. I am tired to death of myself; I would give all I possess to get out of myself; but somehow, at the end, I find myself so vastly more interesting than nine tenths of the people I meet. If a person wished to do me a favor I would say to him, 'I beg you, with tears in my eyes, to interest me. Be strong, be positive, be imperious, if you will; only be something,--something that, in looking at, I can forget my detestable self!' Perhaps that is nonsense too. If it is, I can't help it. I can only apologize for the nonsense I know to be such and that I talk--oh, for more reasons than I can tell you! I wonder whether, if I were to try, you would understand me.”
”I am afraid I should never understand,” said Rowland, ”why a person should willingly talk nonsense.”
”That proves how little you know about women. But I like your frankness.
When I told you the other day that you displeased me, I had an idea you were more formal,--how do you say it?--more guinde. I am very capricious. To-night I like you better.”
”Oh, I am not guinde,” said Rowland, gravely.
”I beg your pardon, then, for thinking so. Now I have an idea that you would make a useful friend--an intimate friend--a friend to whom one could tell everything. For such a friend, what would n't I give!”
Rowland looked at her in some perplexity. Was this touching sincerity, or unfathomable coquetry? Her beautiful eyes looked divinely candid; but then, if candor was beautiful, beauty was apt to be subtle. ”I hesitate to recommend myself out and out for the office,” he said, ”but I believe that if you were to depend upon me for anything that a friend may do, I should not be found wanting.”
”Very good. One of the first things one asks of a friend is to judge one not by isolated acts, but by one's whole conduct. I care for your opinion--I don't know why.”
”Nor do I, I confess,” said Rowland with a laugh.
”What do you think of this affair?” she continued, without heeding his laugh.
”Of your ball? Why, it 's a very grand affair.”
”It 's horrible--that 's what it is! It 's a mere rabble! There are people here whom I never saw before, people who were never asked. Mamma went about inviting every one, asking other people to invite any one they knew, doing anything to have a crowd. I hope she is satisfied! It is not my doing. I feel weary, I feel angry, I feel like crying. I have twenty minds to escape into my room and lock the door and let mamma go through with it as she can. By the way,” she added in a moment, without a visible reason for the transition, ”can you tell me something to read?”
Rowland stared, at the disconnectedness of the question.
”Can you recommend me some books?” she repeated. ”I know you are a great reader. I have no one else to ask. We can buy no books. We can make debts for jewelry and bonnets and five-b.u.t.ton gloves, but we can't spend a sou for ideas. And yet, though you may not believe it, I like ideas quite as well.”
”I shall be most happy to lend you some books,” Rowland said. ”I will pick some out to-morrow and send them to you.”
”No novels, please! I am tired of novels. I can imagine better stories for myself than any I read. Some good poetry, if there is such a thing nowadays, and some memoirs and histories and books of facts.”
”You shall be served. Your taste agrees with my own.”
She was silent a moment, looking at him. Then suddenly--”Tell me something about Mr. Hudson,” she demanded. ”You are great friends!”
”Oh yes,” said Rowland; ”we are great friends.”
”Tell me about him. Come, begin!”
”Where shall I begin? You know him for yourself.”
”No, I don't know him; I don't find him so easy to know. Since he has finished my bust and begun to come here disinterestedly, he has become a great talker. He says very fine things; but does he mean all he says?”
”Few of us do that.”