Part 1 (1/2)

Finding Gavin.

(Southern Boys).

C.A. Harms.

Dedication.

I do honestly believe that all things happen for a reason. The bad may seem at the time like the end of your world. It may feel as if it will never get better and your soul is falling apart but it leads you on to your next chapter. It gives you the push to hold your head high and show life you are strong, and nothing will knock you down. This one is for all of you who have had those moments when you feel you are at your lowest. Stand tall and show everyone you can't be knocked down.

Prologue.

Maria.

I had to believe he came into my life for a reason. Whether to jump start my heart or crush it, there was a purpose behind our encounter.

Gavin Wyatt Tennison was a cowboy from Savannah with a broken heart. He set forth my destruction. He had never made any promises. In fact, he made it a point to tell me he wanted no ties with any woman. Not after what his wife had put him through. Nicole had destroyed him, by sleeping with his boss. A man he thought to be a friend helped destroy his marriage.

Gavin now believed faithfulness and true love were only a lie-a plan set forth only to make us feel weak right before the attack, leaving behind its wounded victim, only jagged pieces of someone who at one time was whole.

So falling for him was all my fault. I let my guard down and let him seep into my soul. Now I was the one suffering, feeling tattered and bruised. The entire situation left a G.o.d-awful taste in my mouth. An ache so deep it was impossible to reach, unable to be mended.

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, as it appeared to be the story of my life. After all, I was the girl whose daddy ran off, leaving her behind without thinking twice. I was the mid-life crisis baby. He had his boys, all four of them-Randall, Billy, Jacob and Colton-my brothers.

When my father left I was four; my youngest brother, at eighteen years old, had been convinced it was in his best interest to go along too.

The only two brothers I occasionally heard from were Colt, who was the youngest of the boys, and Jake, who was just shy of a year older than Colt. They lived near my dad and spent most of their time trying to please the man who has always been impossible to please. It was his way or no way, no exceptions.

My father was a mean, cold-hearted man; that was the easiest way to categorize him. He was stubborn and pigheaded and has only ever thought of himself. He never cared who he hurt along the way, as long as he had what he wanted. I was more than sure he didn't have a compa.s.sionate fiber in his body.

Because I was the little girl that my own dad didn't really want, Gavin's rejection shouldn't have been a surprise. It hurt like crazy, though. It wasn't hard to fall for him, not hard at all. He was mighty fine to look at; those eyes of his could melt any woman's soul. That d.a.m.n adorable grin he sported made my body weak. His lips were so d.a.m.n appealing-I could have dreams about them alone. In fact, I did often, and they were always some of my most favorite dreams.

It took nothing at all for him to capture me, even when he wasn't trying. Gavin had told me from the beginning that, if anything happened between us, it would only be for fun. He refused to let me in, and I just kept hoping that one day he might.

I was just the dumb girl who thought one time with a man like him would be enough to scratch the itch.

But one time with a man like Gavin only sealed my fate. I was now, and would forever be, addicted to his touch. No one would ever be able to make me feel what he had. No one would ever give me the sense of completion the way that man had. And he wasn't even trying; it was just uncontrollable.

From the first kiss, I knew that Gavin Tennison would only make every other man feel like a waste. He had ruined me. Although I thought I had already accomplished that on my own, I was wrong. I was so wrong.

It has been two weeks since he left. Two very long weeks since he went back to Savannah. Two weeks since I had gone to his house and gave in to the undeniable temptation.

When I woke up in his bed that last morning, beside a very naked Gavin, I internally cursed myself. I had once again given in to the desire I felt for him. I had told myself after that first time together I wouldn't allow myself to give when I got nothing in return.

But the moment his lips skimmed over my neck and his hands gripped my hips, I was lost in the heavenly bliss he always brought upon me.

The words he spoke that morning before he left pulled at my heart.

”I wish I could give you more, Maria.” Gavin whispered as he held me in a tight embrace, with his face buried against my neck and his hot breath fanning out over my chest.

”I wish more than anything that things were different. That this whole mess was behind me. There are just some things that need to be taken care of, before the divorce goes through. I don't want to drag you along. I just don't know if I have it in me to give my all to you right now.”

Gavin pulled back and tilted my chin upward, looking in my eyes with sadness. ”It just isn't fair of me to put you through that. It isn't fair to give you false hope.”

I couldn't speak, so I only closed my eyes tight as his lips touched mine gently.

I felt his body pull back from mine and I knew he was leaving. I couldn't watch him leave. It hurt too much to think of him walking away from me. I didn't know from this point what to expect when it came to us, and that was devastating.

Nicole had flipped things on him completely. She was doing everything she could to hold on. She would call him and text at random times. I could sense the irritation in his voice every time they talked. She was pulling out all the stops, attempting everything possible to draw him back in, and my biggest fear was that she would win.

I know he said right now he couldn't offer me anything, but the last thing I wanted was for that cheating little b.i.t.c.h to get her claws back into him.

My heart honestly hurt for him; she was playing him so much. I just wished he would wake up and see what I could see. Gavin was too kind-hearted, in my opinion. He owed her nothing, but she took what they had and threw it away, and now she just needed to allow him to find happiness with someone else.

It was because of that b.i.t.c.h and what she had done to him that he was so withdrawn. I don't know if he will ever be willing to love again, but I couldn't stop myself from believing that one day he might.

Chapter One.

”Maria, your phone is ringing again.” My momma called out from the next room.

I made no attempt to rush to answer it. I already knew who was calling. It was Kori. She calls every day around the same time.

I had done a decent job avoiding her lately. I know she meant well, but d.a.m.n it, it was hard to talk about everything. In the end, it only made her mad to see how I was allowing this all to destroy me.

A girl could only take so much rejection before she felt defeated. I had reached that point. I felt as if I no longer had a fight in me. My feisty go get'em att.i.tude had depleted to a mere nothing. I just didn't care anymore.

I was miserable about the fact I could not stomach my best friend's picture-perfect life. It disgusted me that I felt jealous of something she deserved so much.

Reed and Kori were perfect together. I wanted a life like that so much. I wanted that undeniable love, that 'can't breathe without you' kinda love. I wanted a man who would look at me the way Reed idolized Kori. He was in awe of her-it was written all over his face. There wasn't a d.a.m.n thing he wouldn't do for her.

”Maria.” My momma stood in the doorway of my room, holding my phone in her hand. I looked up to find a concerned look on her face. ”Sweetheart, are you okay? Did something happen between you and Kori? Is that why you don't want to talk to her?”

I shook my head and attempted a smile. ”No momma, Kori and I are fine. Really.”

She stepped into the room and took a seat on the bed next to me. Brus.h.i.+ng my hair back away from my eyes, she tucked it behind my ear. ”I'm not sure what's going on with you, sweet girl, but I'm worried about you. I can tell you're hiding something. You can't hide things from me; you know I'll just worry. I can tell something heavy is weighing on your mind.”

”Momma,” I said, as my eyes met hers and I took a deep breath. She watched me quietly, waiting for me to continue. I knew that I needed to provide her with some sort of explanation. She wouldn't be happy without something to ease her mind.

”Sometimes I feel like I just don't deserve happiness. I mean, I guess I look for it too hard or something. I don't know what it is, but I just don't think I was meant to find that happy ending we all strive for.” I took a deep breath, nervously twisting my hands in my lap. ”I'm supposed to be helping Kori plan her wedding, but instead I'm hiding out.”