Part 14 (1/2)

Samuel was lost in the pain, it was deep and profound, it consumed him. Confusion and panic gripped him, he was choking, something clutched at his throat, he tried to scream, it was impossible he had no voice, was he drowning, he must be drowning surely. His arms and legs refused to move, tethered, he was tethered. Sudden bright light speared his eyes. His ears hummed and sang, the world was a violent place and so he fought it. Choking, bucking and writhing and grasping at the monsters holding him. Darkness wrapped him round...

The baby was beautiful; he always knew it would be. With a mother like Marie how could it have been any other way? She was smiling at him now, glowing with pride and happiness. She was but a step away, holding out the child, now he would cradle his son, he reached for the tiny bundle. Marie stepped back. No, let me hold him, please, let me hold him, come here Marie, bring him to me. She stepped away again, her eyes glittered with emotion. She raised a hand, blew a kiss and then she left him again, and as before she took their child with her.

”It's alright. You're okay, don't struggle.” The voice came from far away, ”We're going to let you have a sleep it will all be better when you waken up. Don't worry. We are looking after you.”

It made no sense, he was terrified, he wanted Marie. She had gone into the dark. His limbs became leaden, the panic abated, and he floated into the welcoming void...

The brightness was painful but the panic had gone. He felt calm but puzzled, there was still a strange feeling in his throat, he tried to swallow and it brought back the pain and some panic.

”It's alright Samuel, don't be upset. You have a tube in your throat, it's to help you to breathe, just relax, you mustn't try to talk.”

A face floated into his line of vision, a kind face smiling at him. He felt a hand, soft on his face. The world was returning, he tried to look around.

”Don't move too much Samuel. I know you're confused but just keep quiet and it'll all make sense soon. You were hurt. You've been very ill but you're going to be fine. Do you understand me, just squeeze my hand.”

The other hand in his palm was an anchor, and he squeezed, feeling the movement in his own fingers, in his arm.

”That's great. Now you have to be patient. You had some damage to your lungs and you've been very poorly. We have to make sure you can breathe on your own before we take the tube out. I know it's not very nice but it shouldn't be for long. Okay?”

He squeezed again and the nurse, he recognised now it was a nurse, smiled at him.

”Brilliant. Now we are here with you, we aren't going to leave you on your own, if you want anything you'll have to point. You have a catheter to take care of your bladder and there are tubes in your arm for fluid. Doctor is on his way and he'll give you a once over. Okay love?”

He squeezed.

Slowly it made some sense, he was in hospital, he couldn't remember how but the nurse would tell him, or the doctor. He took stock, his throat felt odd and he was sore, his chest felt really painful and his whole body ached. He tried to remember but nothing came except that Marie had been there. He wondered where she was now, poor Marie, she'd be so worried. He wanted to hold her hand, he wanted to tell her he was okay. He tried to attract the nurse, raised his hand, tried to wave and she saw him and came to the bedside.

”It's okay Samuel, just keep calm. Do you need something?”

He nodded. She stroked his arm and looked around, checked his catheter, his pillow and the sheet covering him. She reached over and pulled a little notepad from the top of the trolley beside the bed. She handed it to him and snapped the pen from her pocket.

”Do you think you can write it down for me?”

He took the pen and struggled with the incredible weight of it, his fingers had forgotten how to make the shapes, she steadied his hand. Marie, he wrote.

When she read the word the nurse simply shook her head. Your friend, she isn't here. Don't worry about it now, just try to relax.

He didn't understand, there was so much he didn't understand but Marie she wouldn't leave him, not now. Where was she, tears formed in his eyes, he needed her so badly. The nurse took his hand and stroked his head.

”You've been through the mill Samuel, don't upset yourself, give it time just try to keep calm.”

He felt his lids starting to close, he was so tired but Marie, where was she. He needed to see her, why wasn't she here?

Chapter 51.

”Come on love, we have to go in this way, then I have to clock in, just stay near me and n.o.body'll notice you.”

Sylvie smiled at Lennie's aunty. She was dressed in a blue overall and carried a plastic shopping bag, underneath she wore the plain clothes Lennie had brought. She fit in well with the other cleaners and maintenance people jostling and joking as they pa.s.sed through the scratched and battered door at the rear of the huge hospital building. A couple of the workers grinned at her.

”This another of your nieces eh Marj?”

”Yeah, that's it, she's starting today and you keep your hands off her Steve. I don't want you leading her astray.”

They were inside and as they made their way through the narrow corridors Marj pulled Sylvie into a small alcove.

”Right, now, if you're still sure you want to try this you just need to go up those stairs. Four flights gets you to the back entrance of the ITU. I don't think there's a copper there but once you get inside there are a couple on duty all the time as far as I can tell. You might be able to sneak in, there are some baskets, you need to take a flimsy overall, some overshoes and a hat. Use the hand cleaning thing on the wall and then it's up to you whether you can blag your way into his room or not. I don't think you'll be able to do it but...” She gave a shrug and shook her head.

Sylvie gave the other woman a quick hug.

”Thanks Marj and please don't worry, if I get caught I'll never mention you, I promise.”

She took the stairs slowly, her body still reminded her of the events in the warehouse and she was nervous anyway. She was frightened she would end this venture in the police cells and all the horror of the past days would have been for nothing. She was driven though, by the need to see him and the knowledge that Samuel was a countable number of steps away.

The door was painted blue, a small window in the side just above the handle, gave a view of the department. Letters had been stencilled onto the wood 'ITU'. Beside the door there was a small dispenser with a laminated notice exhorting her to wash her hands. Plastic crates held packages containing the flimsy overalls, the overshoes and paper hats. She gowned up and squeezed the antiseptic gel onto her hands. The door was heavy and she squared her shoulders as she pushed at it. It refused to move. She pushed again then saw the small metal box, ”Please Ring and Wait”. As Sylvie jabbed at the b.u.t.ton, a nurse stationed behind a central desk turned to look in her direction and then came and dragged open the door.

”Cleaner, sorry I'm new I was told to come here.”

”Didn't they give you a pa.s.s key?”

Sylvie shook her head.

”Honestly, b.l.o.o.d.y contractors.”

With this remark the nurse turned on her heel and stalked back across the vinyl flooring, she turned and looked over her shoulder.

”Cleaning stuff's in the cupboard, don't suppose they told you that either did they?”

Sylvie lowered her gaze and trod quietly past the desk and slipped into the little room. She leaned against the wall for a moment giving her pounding heart the chance to settle and calm. The room was filled with shelving units holding boxes and bottles, there were mops in the corner and a vacuum cleaner.

She had glanced around and as Marj had warned her, a policeman in uniform sat on a plastic chair outside what must be Samuel's room. The door was closed and there was no way to tell who was in there. She doubted he would be alone but had no real knowledge of how this all worked. Most of the other patients were in beds in the main unit and easily visible to the staff. If Samuel was in the side room then surely there would be someone with him, either police or hospital workers or possibly even both.

She collected the vacuum cleaner and made her way back through the department. Plugged in and turned on it became a screen and a s.h.i.+eld, she was the cleaner. n.o.body notices the cleaner and so inch by inch she swept her way towards his door.

She was relieved that the policeman on duty was one she hadn't met before while she was waiting for Samuel to come out of surgery. He looked up and gave her a disinterested smile and then went back to his study of a magazine. She continued with her vacuuming.

She laid her hand on the door handle and instantly the constable was alert.