Chapter 2.4 (1/2)

After that, I spent my days fulfilling Mamizu’s unreasonable requests. Among the ‘things she wanted to do before she died,’ which she asked me to do one after another, there were plenty that made me want to ask, “Did you really want to do that before you died? You’re not just coming up with things and enjoying watching me suffer, are you?” But I reluctantly did most of them.

She said that she wanted to act out the scenes that are often seen in manga where a character steals a persimmon from a tree in the neighborhood and then gets yelled at, which I actually did and got yelled at (I apologized like crazy). I also did her request of partic.i.p.ating in an eating challenge. I received an enormous bowl of pork cutlet on rice, and, of course, paid 3,000 yen without being able to finish it.

I even did her request of going to a beauty parlor, pointing at a magazine and saying, “Please make me the same as this person.” The result was a hairstyle that was no different from usual.

She told me she wanted to hit a home run, so I started going to the batting center at night after work. I continued performing countless full swings until I finally hit the target marked “home run” on the third day. For some reason, the prize was a ping-pong paddle.

She said she wanted to experience being hit on once, so I stood at an intersection downtown. Of course, n.o.body called out to me. I tried calling out to women walking past, saying, “Will you please hit on me?” But they mistook it for some new pick-up technique and just shouted abuse at me.

I did the one where she wanted to sing at a karaoke until her voice went hoa.r.s.e. Mamizu laughed at me the next day when she heard me talking with my hoa.r.s.e voice, sounding like an evil wizard.

I didn’t do every single one of Mamizu’s requests. That’s because there were some that were impossible to fulfil for various reasons.

She told me that she wanted to get in a taxi and say, “Please take me to the ocean.” But I felt unsure as to whether the amount of money I had would be enough for that, so I decided to leave that one alone for now.

There was also one where she wanted to kill a zombie, but unfortunately, zombies didn’t exist in the world we lived in, so I couldn’t kill any. Of course, the one where she wanted to drive at 200 kilometers per hour was impossible as well. I didn’t have a driver’s license, and probably wouldn’t have done it even if I did have one.

Well, in any case, I was impressed at how she could come up with all of these various things. I couldn’t really think of anything that I wanted to do myself.

Every time I did one of Mamizu’s foolish ‘things she wanted to do before she died’ and delivered my report on the experience, she laughed like she was really enjoying herself. As a matter of fact, I didn’t have any negative feelings about it, either. I quite enjoyed those days.

“Thanks. With that, I have one less regret,” Mamizu said after I finished telling her about my karaoke session.

I suddenly wondered.

Did this mean that I was responsible for erasing Mamizu’s regrets in this world, just like I was doing now?

If her lingering regrets in this world disappeared one by one, what would happen to her in the end?

“Say, Mamizu.” I suddenly wanted to ask her.

“Hmm?”

“Mamizu, have you ever thought that you wanted to commit suicide?”

Mamizu’s expression didn’t show a single change; she replied in the exact same tone that she used in ordinary conversation. “I think about it every day.”

I was startled by the way she gave that response.

‘I think about it every day.’

I got the feeling that it wasn’t a lie.

The question I asked Mamizu, I had once asked my older sister Meiko, long ago. I didn’t really remember what Meiko had answered.

But after her boyfriend died, Meiko started walking around a lot.

Though I say ‘walking around,’ she wasn’t meeting anyone somewhere or going out to enjoy herself.

She was actually just walking. But it wasn’t something as simple as going for a stroll. Without any hesitation, she would go out and just continue walking for five or six hours.

Meiko had a policy for these walks. Apparently, she would start walking whenever she felt like it, without deciding on a destination, and continue walking wherever her feet took her. She didn’t pace herself or rest along the way.

She died during one of these walks, at night.

After she died, I occasionally imitated her and walked like that, about once a month. Late at night, avoiding being seen by my mother, I snuck out of the house and wandered along the roads aimlessly. When I did this, I was careful to adhere to Meiko’s simple method. I would walk around aimlessly, as if wandering about. On my own.

But just once, I did this together with Kayama.

It was at night during the school trip in middle school. It was apparently normal to fool around on those kinds of nights, so the people from the cla.s.s hid from the teachers and enjoyed themselves. They were excited over gossip about who they liked and who was going out with who, and it wasn’t the kind of atmosphere where I could say that I was going to sleep first. Even if I tried, it would have been too noisy for me to get any sleep.

And so, as I tried to slip out of the lodging house, I ran into Kayama unexpectedly at the bottom of the stairs.

“Okada, where are you going at this time of night?” he asked.

“… I’m going somewhere.”

“I’ll go, too.”

I told Kayama no, but he followed me. I mostly ignored him as we walked. Considering that he’d followed me against my will, surprisingly enough, he didn’t try to talk to me.

On that night during the school trip, we continued walking without saying a word.

We mostly walked straight, without turning from the road. We walked, aiming for a place where n.o.body was around. While we were walking, I started wanting to not go back. I wanted to keep walking until I died. But I got tired and sat on the ground.

Just then, a shrine came into view, and I sat inside its grounds. Kayama bought a juice at a vending machine and threw it to me.

“You’re suffering,” Kayama said, looking at me with an exasperated expression.

“I’m normal,” I said, lifting the tab of the can and drinking all of the fizzy drink in one go. For some reason, the drink that was supposed to be sweet tasted bitter.

“I think you’re the type who can’t go anywhere.” Kayama said those profound words.

Kind of getting the feeling that he was looking down at me, I got annoyed. “So, are you saying you can go somewhere?”

“I’m different from you, Okada. I’ve risen above. Even though I’m like this, I’m enjoying myself. After my older brother died, I mean. I’ve decided to think of reality as a game. One day, we’re going to die just like that, so there’s no point in being serious about it. So even if I hurt others, I won’t be hurt,” Kayama said.

I couldn’t feel a single shred of sympathy for that response.

“I’m going to enjoy myself,” he said.

“Do as you want,” I said, fed up with this.

“So, Okada, you can just stay there, feeling troubled.” Kayama spoke as if to say, “Feel my share of troubles for me as well.”

“You’re annoying,” I said, throwing my empty can into a trash can.

That’s right, I remember.

“I sometimes want to go somewhere that isn’t here.”

That was the answer that Meiko had given me when I asked her that question.

That’s right; as Meiko said, being here in everyday life was suffocating sometimes. Is that why? I thought. Perhaps that was why I continued visiting Mamizu’s hospital room.

“I’ve always wanted to try making a cake,” Mamizu said one day, making yet another a request that sounded like she’d just come up with it.

But something suddenly occurred to me. From the eating challenge to persimmons, she had a lot of requests related to food. Perhaps she…

“Who are you calling greedy?” Mamizu said.

It seemed that she had become able to read my mind recently.

“Well, alright,” I said, a little startled. “I’ll make it and bring it to you.”

“Thanks… I don’t know if I can eat it all, though.” Mamizu’s expression suddenly became gloomy. It was an expression that I hadn’t really seen much recently.

“It’s fine. If there’s any left over, I’ll eat it.”

“Ah, but listen. I’m going to have a big inspection soon. Because I’ve been feeling better recently, you see. It’s possible that I can be discharged from the hospital temporarily, depending on the results,” Mamizu said.

“Then do you want to go somewhere?” I asked. “Tell me where you want to go.”

“I can’t really go that far away though. Ah, then you think about it and decide, Takuya-kun.”

“That’s different from the usual pattern.”

“It’s fine once in a while, right? I want to go somewhere you want to go, Takuya-kun. I’ll look forward to it and do my best,” Mamizu said selfishly as her expression became brighter.

I decided to make the cake in the kitchen at the maid café after work. Fortunately, cake was on the menu, I remembered how to make it and there were plenty of ingredients. The owner wasn’t around, and I thought he wouldn’t get angry if he never found out.

“What are you doing, Okada-kun?” Riko-chan-san asked as she suddenly showed up.

“Ah, I’m making a cake for personal reasons,” I said.

“Should I help?”

“No… I, cakes…”

“Are you the type who wants to make them yourself?” Riko-chan-san said, as if pouting.

I wondered what I should say. “Next time,” I said as a temporary measure.

“Next time. I’ll hold you to that, alright?” Riko-chan-san said as she went home.

“Wait, this cake, isn’t it too sweet?” said Mamizu, a wrinkle appearing between her eyebrows.

“If you’re going to say that, you don’t have to eat it,” I said.

The cake was a strawberry tart cake that wasn’t on the menu, an original that I had painstakingly made.

What did she think my effort of persevering until past eleven o’clock at night was for? I felt a little angry.