Part 14 (1/2)

But the lieutenant-colonel himself, with others that knew me, listened to my words as to an article of belief; wherefore he went himself to the Master-General of the Ordnance and laid before him my plan, with the recital, moreover, of many things that he could tell of me: and inasmuch as the Count had already heard of the Huntsman, he had me brought before him and for so long loosed from my bonds. He was set at table when I came, and my lieutenant-colonel told him how the spring before, having stood my first hour as sentry under St. James's Gate at Soest, a heavy rain with thunder and wind had suddenly come on, and when, each running from the fields and the gardens into the town, there was great press of foot and horse, I had had the wit to call out the guard, because in such a tumult a town was easiest to take. ”At last,”

said the lieutenant-colonel further, ”came an old woman dripping wet, and said even as she pa.s.sed by the huntsman, 'Yea, I have felt this storm in my back for a fortnight.' So the huntsman, hearing this and having a rod in his hand, smote her with it over the shoulder, and says he, 'Thou old witch, couldst thou not let it loose before; must thou wait till I stood sentry?' And when his officer rebuked him he answered, 'She is rightly served: the old carrion crow had heard a month ago how all were crying out for rain: why did she not let honest folk have it before? It had been better for the barley and hops.'”

At this the general, though he was in general a stern man, laughed heartily; but I thought, ”If the colonel tell him of such fools'

tricks, surely he will not have failed to speak of my other devices.”

So I was brought in, and when the general asked what was my plan I answered, ”Gracious sir, although my fault and your Excellency's order and prohibition do both deny me my life, yet my most humble loyalty, which is due from me towards his Imperial Majesty, my most gracious Lord, even to the death, bids me so far as lies in my weak power yet do the enemy a damage, and further the interests and arms of his Majesty.”

So the general cut me short, and says he, ”Didst thou not lately give me the negro?” ”Yea, gracious sir,” said I. Then said he, ”Well, thy zeal and loyalty might perhaps serve to spare thy life: but what plan hast thou to bring the enemy out of this place without great loss in time and men?” So I answered, ”Since the town cannot resist heavy artillery, my humble opinion is that the enemy would soon come to terms if he did but really believe we had such pieces.” ”That,” said the general, ”a fool could have told me; but who will persuade them so to believe?” Then I answered, ”Thine own eyes; I have examined their Mainguard with a perspective-gla.s.s, and it can be easily deceived; if we did but set a few baulks of timber, shaped like water-pipes, on waggons, and haul them into the field with many horses, they will certainly believe they are heavy pieces, specially if your Excellency will order works to be thrown up about the field as if to plant cannon there.” ”My dear little friend,” answered the Count, ”they be not children in the town: they will not believe this pantomime, but will require to hear thy guns; and if the trick fail,” says he to the officers that stood around, ”we shall be mocked of all the world.” But I answered, ”Gracious sir, an I can but have a pair of double musquets and a pretty large cask, I will make them to hear great guns: only beyond the sound there can be no further effect: but if against all expectation naught but mockery ensue, then shall I, the inventor, that must in any case die, take with me that mockery and purge it away with my life.”

Yet the general liked it not, but my colonel persuaded him to it; for he said I was in such cases so lucky that he doubted not this trick would succeed: so the Count ordered him to settle the matter as he thought it could best be done, and said to him in jest that the honour he should gain thereby should be reckoned to him alone.

So three such baulks were brought to hand, and before each were harnessed four-and-twenty horses, though two had been sufficient: and these towards evening we brought up in full sight of the foe: and meanwhile I had gotten me three double musquets and a great cask from a mansion near at hand, and set all in order as I would have it: and by night this was added to our fool's artillery. The double musquets I charged twice over and had them discharged through the said cask, of which the bottom had been knocked out, as if it was three trial shots being fired. Which sounded so thunderously that any man had sworn they were great serpents or demi-culverins. Our general must needs laugh at such trickery, and again offered the enemy terms, with the addition that if they did not agree that same evening it would not go so easily with them the next day. Thereupon hostages were exchanged and terms arranged, and the same night one gate of the town put into our hands, and this was well indeed for me: for the Count not only granted me my life that by his order I had forfeited, but set me free the same night and commanded the lieutenant-colonel in my presence to appoint me to the first ensigncy that should fall vacant: which was not to his taste (for he had cousins and kinsmen many in waiting) that I should be promoted before them.

_Chap. xi._: CONTAINS ALL MANNER OF MATTERS OF LITTLE IMPORT AND GREAT IMAGINATION

On this expedition nothing more of note happened to me: but when I came again to Soest I found the Hessians from Lippstadt had captured my servant that I had left to guard my baggage, together with one horse that was at pasture. From my servant the enemy learned of my ways and works, and therefore held me higher than before, as having been persuaded by common report I was but a sorcerer. He told them, moreover, he had been one of the devils that had so dismayed the Huntsman of Wesel in the sheep-fold: which when the said huntsman heard of, he was so shamed that he took to his heels again and fled from Lippstadt to the Hollanders. But it was my greatest good fortune that this servant of mine was taken, as will be seen in the sequel.

Now I began to behave myself somewhat more reputably than before, as having such fine hopes of presently being made ensign: so by degrees I joined company with officers and young n.o.blemen that were eager for that office which I imagined I should soon get: for this reason these were my worst enemies, and yet gave themselves out to be my best friends: even the lieutenant-colonel was no longer so good to me; for he had orders to promote me before his own kindred. My captain was my enemy because I made a better show in horses, clothing, and arms than he, and no longer spent so much on the old miser as before. He had rather have seen my head hewn off than an ensigncy promised me: for he had thought to inherit my fine horses. In like manner my lieutenant hated me for a single word that I had lately without thought let slip: which came about thus: we two were on the last expedition ordered to a lonely post as vedettes: and as the turn to watch fell to me (which must be done lying down, besides that it was a pitch-dark night), the lieutenant comes to me creeping on his belly like a snake, and says he, ”Sentry, dost thou mark aught?” So I answered, ”Yea, Herr Lieutenant.”

And ”What? what?” says he. I answered, ”I mark that your honour is afeared.” And from thenceforward I had no more favour with him.

Wherever the danger was greatest thither was I sent first of all; yea, he sought in all places and at all times to dust my jacket before I became ensign, and so could not defend myself. Nor were the sergeants less my enemies, because I was preferred to them all. And as to the privates, they too began to fail in their love and friends.h.i.+p to me, because it seemed I despised them, inasmuch as I no longer consorted specially with them but, as aforesaid, with greater Jacks, which loved me none the more.

But the worst was that no man told me how each was minded towards me, and so I could not perceive it, for many a one talked with me in friendliest wise that had sooner seen me dead. So I lived like a blind man in all security and became ever haughtier: and though I knew it vexed this one and that if I made a greater show than n.o.blemen and officers of rank, yet I held not back. I feared not to wear a collar of sixty rix-dollars, red-scarlet hose, and white satin sleeves, trimmed all over with gold, which was at that time the dress of the highest officers: and therefore an eyesore to all. Yet was I a terrible young fool so to play the lord: for had I dealt otherwise and bestowed the money I so uselessly did hang upon my body in proper ways, I should have soon gained my ensigncy and also not have made so many enemies. Yet I stopped not here, but decked out my best horse, which Jump-i'-th'-field had gotten from the Hessian captain, with saddle, bridle, and arms in such fas.h.i.+on that when I was mounted one might well have taken me for another St. George. And nothing grieved me more than to know I was no n.o.bleman, and so could not clothe my servant and my horse-boys in my livery. Yet, I thought, all things have their beginning; if thou hast a coat-of-arms then canst thou have thine own livery; and when thou art an ensign, thou must have a signet-ring, though thou art no n.o.bleman. I was not long pregnant with these thoughts, but had a coat-of-arms devised for me by a herald, which was three red masks in a white field, and for a crest, a bust of a young jester in a calfskin with a pair of hare's ears, adorned with little b.a.l.l.s in front: for I thought this suited best with my name, being called Simplicissimus. And so would I have the fool to remind me in my future high estate what manner of fellow I had been in Hanau, lest I should become too proud, for already I thought no small things of myself. And so was I properly the first of my name and race and escutcheon, and if any had jeered at me thereupon, I had without doubt presented him a sword or a pair of pistols. And though I had yet no thoughts of womenkind, yet all the same I went with the young n.o.bles when they visited young ladies, of whom there were many in the town, to let myself be seen and to make a show with my fine hair, clothes, and plumes. I must confess that for the sake of my figure I was preferred before all, yet must I all the same hear how the spoilt baggages compared me with a fair and well-cut statue in which, beside its beauty, was neither strength nor sap; for that was all they desired in me: and except the lute-playing there was nothing I could do or perform to please them: for of love as yet I knew nothing. But when they that knew how to pay their court would gibe at me for my wooden behaviour and awkwardness, to make themselves more beloved and to show off their ready speech, then would I answer, 'twas enough for me if I could still find my pleasure in a bright sword or a good musquet, and the ladies held me right: and this angered the gentlemen so that they secretly swore to have my life, though there was none that had heart enough to challenge me or give me cause enough to challenge one of them, for which a couple of buffets or any insulting word had been sufficient; and I gave every chance for this by my loose talk, from which the ladies argued I must be a lad of mettle, and said openly my figure and my n.o.ble heart could plead better with any lady than all the compliments that Cupid ever devised: and that made the rest angrier than ever.

_Chap. xii._: HOW FORTUNE UNEXPECTEDLY BESTOWED ON THE HUNTSMAN A n.o.bLE PRESENT

Had two fine horses that were at that time all the joy I had in the world. Every day I rode them in the riding-school or else for amus.e.m.e.nt, if I had naught else to do; not indeed that the horses had anything to learn, but I did it that people might see that the fine creatures belonged to me. And when I went pranking down a street, or rather the horse prancing under me, and the stupid mult.i.tude looking on and saying, ”Look, 'tis the huntsman! See what a fine horse! Ah, what a handsome plume!” or ”Zounds! what a fine fellow is this!” I p.r.i.c.ked up mine ears and was as pleased as if the Queen of Sheba had likened me to Solomon in all his glory. Yet, fool that I was, I heard not what perhaps at that time wise folk thought of me or mine enviers said of me: these last doubtless wished I might break my neck, since they could not do it for me: and others a.s.suredly thought that if all men had their own I could not practise such foolish swaggering. In a word, the wisest must have held me without doubt for a young Colin Clout, whose pride would certainly not last long, because it stood upon a bad foundation and must be supported only by uncertain plunder. And if I must confess the truth, I must grant that these last judged not amiss, though then I understood it not, for 'twas this and only this with me: that I would have made his s.h.i.+rt warm for any man or adversary that had to deal with me, so that I might well have pa.s.sed for a simple, good soldier though I was but a child. But 'twas this cause made me so great a man, that nowadays the veriest horse-boy can shoot the greatest hero in the world; and had not gunpowder been invented I must have put my pride in my pocket.

Now 'twas my custom in these rides to examine all ways and paths, all ditches, marshes, thickets, hills and streams, make myself acquainted with them and fix them in my memory, so that if one ever had occasion to skirmish with the enemy I might employ the advantage of the place both for defence and offence. To this end I rode once not far from the town by an old ruin where formerly a house had stood. At the first sight I thought this were a fit place to lay an ambush or to retreat to, specially for us dragoons if we should be outnumbered and chased by cavalry. So I rode into the courtyard, whose walls were pretty well ruined, to see if at a pinch one could take refuge there on horseback and how one could defend it on foot. But when to this end I would view all exactly and sought to ride by the cellar, the walls of which were still standing, I could neither with kindness nor force bring my horse, which commonly feared nought, to go where I would. I spurred him till I was vexed, but it availed not: so I dismounted and led him by the bridle down the ruined steps which he had s.h.i.+ed at, so that I should know how to act another time: but he backed as much as he could; yet at length with gentle words and strokings I had him down, and while I patted and caressed him I found that he was sweating with fear, and ever staring into one corner of the cellar, into which he would by no means go, and in which I could see naught at which the most skittish beast could shy. But as I stood there full of wonder and looked upon my horse all a-tremble with fear, there came on me also such a terror that 'twas even as if I was dragged upwards by the hair and a bucket of cold water poured down my back; yet could I see nothing; but the horse acted more and more strangely, till I could fancy nothing else but that I was perhaps bewitched, horse and all, and should come by my end in that same cellar. So I would fain go back, but the horse would not follow, and thereat I grew more dismayed and so confused that in truth I knew not what I did. At last I took a pistol in my hand, and tied the horse to a strong elder-tree that grew in the cellar, intending to go forth and find people near by that could help to fetch the horse out; but as I was about this it came into my head that perchance some treasure lay hid in this old ruin, which was therefore haunted. To this conceit I gave heed, and looked round more exactly. And just in the place to which my horse refused to go I was ware of a part of the wall, unlike the rest both in colour and masonry, and about the bigness of a common chamber-shutter. But when I would approach 'twas with me as before, namely, that my hair stood on end; and this strengthened my belief that a treasure must there be hid.

Ten times, nay a hundred times, sooner would I have exchanged shots with an enemy than have found myself in such a terror. I was plagued and knew not by what: for I heard and saw naught. So I took the other pistol from the holster as meaning with it to go off and leave the horse, yet could I not again mount the steps, for as it seemed to me a strong draught of wind kept me back; and now I felt my flesh creep indeed. At last it came into my mind to fire the pistols that the peasants that worked in the fields close by might run to the spot and help me with word and deed. And this I did because I neither knew nor could think of any other means to escape from this evil place of wonders: and I was so enraged, or rather so desperate (for I knew not myself how 'twas with me), that as I fired I aimed my pistols at the very place wherein I believed the cause of my plight lay, and with both b.a.l.l.s I hit the before-mentioned piece of the wall so hard that they made a hole wherein a man could set both his fists. Now no sooner had I fired than my horse neighed and p.r.i.c.ked up his ears, which heartily rejoiced me: I knew not whether 'twas because the goblin or spectre had vanished or because the poor beast was roused by the noise of fire-arms, but 'tis certain I plucked up heart again and went without hindrance or fear to the hole, which I had just opened by the shot; and there I began to break down the wall completely, and found of silver, gold, and jewels so rich a treasure as would have kept me in comfort to this day, if I had but known how to keep it and dispose of it well.

There were six dozen old French silver table-tankards, a great gold cup, some double tankards, four silver and one golden salt-cellar, one old French golden chain, and divers diamonds, rubies, emeralds, and sapphires set in rings and in other jewellery; also a whole casquet full of pearls, but all spoiled or discoloured, and then in a mouldy leather bag eighty of the oldest Joachim dollars of fine silver, likewise 893 gold pieces with the French arms and an eagle, a coin which none could recognise, because, as folks said, no one could read the inscription. This money, with the rings and jewels, I strapped into my breeches-pockets, my boots and my holsters, and because I had no bag with me, since I had but ridden forth for pleasure, I cut the housing from my saddle, and into it I packed the silver vessels (for 'twas lined, and would serve me well as a sack), hung the golden chain round my neck, mounted my horse joyfully, and rode towards my quarters. But as I came out of the courtyard I was aware of two peasants, that would have run as soon as they saw me: yet having six feet and level country I easily overtook them, and asked why they would have fled and were so terribly afeared. So they said they had thought I was the ghost that dwelt in that deserted court, and if any came too near to him was wont to mishandle them miserably. Then as I asked further of his ways, they told me that for fear of this monster 'twas often many years that no one came near that place, save some stranger that had lost his way and came thither by chance. The story went, they said, that an iron trough full of money lay within guarded by a black dog, and also a maiden that had a curse upon her; and to follow the old story they had themselves heard from their grandsires, there should come into the land a stranger n.o.bleman that knew neither his father nor mother, and should rescue the maiden, and open the trough with a key of fire, and carry off the hidden gold. And of such foolish fables they told me many more; but because they are but ill to hear, I here cut them short for briefness.

Thereafter I did ask them what they too had been about, since at other times they dared not go into the ruin. They answered they had heard a shot and a loud cry; and had run up to see what was to do. But when I told them 'twas I that shot in the hope that people would come into the ruin, because I too was pretty much afeared, but knew nought of any cry, they answered, ”There might be shots enough heard in that castle before any of our neighbourhood would come thither; for in truth 'tis so ghostly beset that we had not believed my lord if he had said he had been therein, an we had not ourselves seen him ride out thence.” So then they would know many things of me, especially what manner of place it was within and whether I had not seen the damsel and the black dog sitting on the iron trough, so that if I had desired to brag I could have put strange fancies into their heads: but I said not the least word, not even that I had gotten the costly treasure, but rode away to my quarters and looked upon my find, which mightily delighted me.

_Chap. xiii._: OF SIMPLICISSIMUS' STRANGE FANCIES AND CASTLES IN THE AIR, AND HOW HE GUARDED HIS TREASURE

Now they that know the worth of money, and therefore take it for their G.o.d, have no little reason on their side; for if there be a man in the world that hath experienced its powers and wellnigh divine virtues, that man am I. For I know how a man fares that hath a fair provision thereof; yet have I never yet known how he should feel that had never a farthing in his pouch. Yea, I could even take upon me to prove that this same money possesses all virtues and powers more than any precious stones; for it can drive away all melancholia like the diamond: it causeth love and inclination to study, like the emerald (for so comes it that commonly students have more money than poor folk's children): it taketh away fear and maketh man joyful and happy like unto the ruby: 'tis often an hindrance to sleep, like the garnet: on the other hand, it hath great power to produce repose of mind and so sleep, like the jacinth: it strengtheneth the heart and maketh a man jolly and companionable, lively and kind, like the sapphire and amethyst: it driveth away bad dreams, giveth joy, sharpeneth the understanding, and if one have a plaint against another it gaineth him the victory, like the sardius (and in especial if the judge's palm be first well oiled therewith): it quencheth unchaste desire, for by means of gold one can possess fair women: and in a word, 'tis not to be exprest what gold can do, as I have before set forth in my book int.i.tuled ”Black and White,”

if any man know how rightly to use and employ this information. As to mine own money that I had then brought together, both with robbery and the finding of this treasure, it had a special power of its own: for first of all it made me prouder than I was before, so much so that it vexed me to the heart that I must still be called ”Simplicissimus”

only. It spoiled my sleep like the amethyst: for many a night I lay awake and did speculate how I could put it out to advantage and get more to put to it. Yea, and it made me a most perfect reckoner, for I must calculate what mine uncoined silver and gold might be worth, and adding this to that which I had borrowed here and there, and which yet was in my purse, I found without the precious stones a fine overplus.